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SO a new update with BM! *edit**edit#2*

Posted by on May. 11, 2012 at 8:18 PM
  • 20 Replies

Edit #2: We also let the girls know about her being in jail. Also SDD9 was able to talk to her therepist yesterday. We explained to her that this might be good for mommy. That she can get away from BF & stop drinking and smoking so when she gets out she can focus on them & doing good. That seemed to help them a lot. We also had to reasure her that the police are only doing their job & trying to protect people from getting hurt. That its not the cops fault that mommy made a bad choice. SDD9 is under the impression that the cops are liars and are bad people and that they just took mommy away to be mean.
She went to court today. She will be there until her next CD in July. I also went to the Indiana sherriffs website to look up charges and she is facing a lot of time. Her charges are...

BATTERY W/INJURY MA - up to 1 year & $5,000
AGGRAVATED BATTERY/FB - 6 - 20 years & $10,000
BURGLARY/FA - 20 - 50 years & $10,000
Im guessing tho since they havent found him & she hasnt had felony's before that they are gonna get her to turn on him and lower her charges. Even with that She is probally facing at least a year. I spoke to our lawyer yesterday & we are going to draw up emergency custody until her name is cleared. Then when she gets out only supervised visits, until she can prove that shes done acting like a fool. & ready to step up and be a responsible adult.

Edit:
We didnt hear from BM today so my mom checked the jail & sure enough SHE WAS THERE! She got picked up at 3am this morning. Not sure where or who she was with or anything. Hes not in jail so she was probally out & acting foolish. Well the girls kept asking if they were going to see her. So we said IDK and let them call her gmas house. (we were secretly hoping her gma would tell them) But no. So we decided to tell them. My DH took them and let them know. Well turns out SDD9 knew all along. She said that mommy said that she didnt do anything that someone beat darrell up and was telling the cops that they stole. That none of this was true & the cops are just being mean. Well SDD now thinks that its the cops fault & she said that she believes that her mommy didnt do anything wrong. We kinda left it at that. Im going to talk to her therepist tomorow when she goes and see what we should do from this point forward. We have disscussed before that if she were to go to jail that we would NOT take them to a prison. And our phones have ALL collect calls blocked, because of DH's uncle. I hate that she feels that this is the polices fault & that they are the bad ones. I guess time will tell her the exact truth. Even if she didnt have a part in it. SHE chose to put herself around people who do those things so she cant be angry shes in trouble.AHH! Stressful!

 So last weekend was her weekend. Sunday she wanted to keep them a little longer & feed them dinner and such so we said fine, but they had to be home by 8 for showers and bed. She was ok with that. Then she shows up at close to 11pm! No call we couldnt find her, her gma ( whom she lives with) didnt know where she was. Nothing.

Monday - SDD9 said "You know Mommy doesnt like the cops?" out of nowhere. If you have read my posts before you know why. In short BM is a deadbeat, drug addict, alcoholic, loser. So I told her that if you do something bad thats when people dont like cops, but cops are good & are here to help people. Then she said "the cops are after mommy & darrell"

So I took it upon myself to look up the police reports & got one on BM BF. A week before he had been involved in a robbery of someones house. BM had been there to pick him up from the house & was well aware of the crime.

Tuesday - BM calls DH & tells him she wants the girls on Mothers Day. Fine we always let her have them on that day anyway, never been an issue. She then proceeds to tell him that the reason she wants to see them is because she has to turn herself in because she has a warrant out for her arrest. A $60,000 felony warrant! and her BF has an $80,000 felony warrant!

SO my question is, how do we go about this with the kids? If she doesnt explain this to them, which she probally wont. They kinda already know some of it because they know the cops are after them. But how do you explain to a 9 & 7 y/o mommy is in jail. They know what jail is, they know why people go there. BM used to make the girls write BF in Jail when he was in there. Im just tired of us having to clean up her mess. And its not like we can lie & tell them mommy is on vacation cause they know she has no money. They are way to smart for their age to lie to them. What do i do??

baby
by on May. 11, 2012 at 8:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rwblake2011
by on May. 11, 2012 at 8:23 PM
1 mom liked this
I am type of parent who would just tell them the truth.
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StevensCare4u
by on May. 11, 2012 at 8:27 PM

 Im thinking the same thing too. I just hate putting more pressure on them. IDK whats worse, the unknown or the truth.

Quoting rwblake2011:

I am type of parent who would just tell them the truth.

 

baby
rwblake2011
by on May. 11, 2012 at 8:31 PM
Remember that they will get older and at there ages they will remember you lying and resent it.


Quoting StevensCare4u:

 Im thinking the same thing too. I just hate putting more pressure on them. IDK whats worse, the unknown or the truth.


Quoting rwblake2011:

I am type of parent who would just tell them the truth.

 


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annabl1970
by Gold Member on May. 11, 2012 at 8:34 PM
2 moms liked this
I would probably say the truth. With as little details as possiable. Poor kids :(
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CoochieLibre
by on May. 11, 2012 at 8:54 PM

The truth is always the best way to go. Just don't tell them that "mommy is bad". Let them know she did something bad, but that doesn't necessarily make her a bad person. People make mistakes. Hopefully she can pull her head out of her ass someday.

Quinn525
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2012 at 9:17 PM
Tell a very watered down version. Avoid saying bad things about their mom. When it happened to us, I think I said that mom was not making good choices right now but that she'll always love you and that's what matters. I also reflected alot. If the sd asked me a tough question, I would ask her what she thought. Also its never a bad thing to say I don't know.
Sorry you are going through this. Its tough on the kids, and you. They'll really miss her.
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rose0919
by on May. 11, 2012 at 10:31 PM

honestly i would call the police and turn her in. she could very easy take the kids and run! i wouldnt let the kids see her god forbid the police catch up with her  while she has the kids it could scar them for life! 

but be honest with them.

vintagebikegirl
by on May. 11, 2012 at 10:37 PM
"Mommy made bad choices"

We've had to use this line a few times for other reasons.
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angelmommy2806
by on May. 11, 2012 at 10:59 PM

The truth. I also like instead of saying mommy is bad, saying mommy has made some bad choices.

Momniscient
by Member on May. 11, 2012 at 11:06 PM
Have you read divorce poison? It might have some tricks to help. There is nothing wrong with saying 'mom made bad choices and it is ok to love mom even though she has made mistakes in her choices.' kids need to trust themselves and allowing them to focus their negative thoughts on the act allows the to still trust their instincts regarding loving their mom.
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