I knew this day would come, when I would be portrayed as the wicked stepmom and viewed as I favor my own kids over sd. I just didn't think it'd be so soon. Clearly, there's an issue with me, and I'm not sure why. But, the issue is with bm, not sd.
I've never been able to establish a connection with sd. I'll admit it. We rarely see her. I know it's easy to say "move closer", "find a job out there"..but dh's job isn't that easy. So, moving there, isn't an option (he's got a great position with a great company). Dh gets out to see sd every few months, or as often as he can. He talks to her all the time, and facetimes her too. The calls are always when he's at work (like around 4ish) though..he can try to talk to her on the weekends but they're always "busy" or sd is at so-and-so's house and can't talk (so i feel like bm has kind of cut even dh out there).
Back on track here...Even though I've never been able to establish a connection with sd, I don't let it show when we do have her. I treat her exactly like I treat our kids. When she's here, I do expect her to play or something other than sit on the couch and watch tv all day (she's 8 btw.)..we'll go to the park or go shopping or to a movie. When she was out in June, it was a little different because we had just had ds, my dad was out, and we only had one car. We still made a point to get out on the weekends and do family stuff, but during the week was hard because dh needed the car. During the week everyone was bored..my dad played most of the days with the kids so I could rest and heel up (sd came out about a week after ds was born)..but I made a point to spend time with the girls too.
Anyway, my mother's day gift was that dh made an appointment to surprise me to have my iud taken out, and we're going to have a third and final baby. Keyword as being WE...as in HE and I. In the excitement of the moment, I posted on facebook: "(other text)..yes, we're going to have a third and final baby!!". Bm texted dh to say congrats, and it went downhill from there. I'm assuming that the congrats was sarcastic, because bm had a fit over "third baby"..my post,..so it truly is my third. That text was followed by "____ is the forgotten child bahaha"..which made dh feel awful, because he does do as much as he can. The texts went on, and I read them,..I can't rememver every one, but it went on to say if she said everything she was thinking that dh wouldn't want to talk to her for a year (which he doesn't anyway..he always says how crazy she is and how glad he is that he's not married to her anymore), and if everything was said he would only get mad and defend himself and the people around him (meaning me). There were more, I just can't think of them right now.
So, it's very clear the issue is with me. Bm told him all along not to marry me. I'd just break his heart because I was so young (I was 18 when we got married). She's even gone to lengths of saying that she wants him to leave me, and that she'd come back to him if he did..that they could be a family again and sd could be in his life all the time. There have been some issues all along. Bm never did come out and say what she was meaning in her texts, she just decided to end the conversation after that.
Years ago, she was pushing dh to sign over his rights to sd (it was when we were talking about getting married 5ish years ago), and I put my foot down on it. I wouldn't let him. I felt like not only would it have said what kind of man he was, but sd would have issues about it later in life. Fortunately, dh saw this, decided against it, and refused to sign over his rights. I feel like somewhere in her mind, I'm the reason she can't have dh. I think she sees that he's doing good, and is happy, and wants him to either a) be miserable or b) wants it to be her instead of me. I know that blended families are hard..I lived in one growing up, but I feel like it's starting to lean to an extreme, and we'll be in court before too long. I don't know what to do. Do I make myself invisible and it be just dh going out to see sd? Do I make myself more known (and risk pissing bm off even more)? To give you ladies an example..in one of my other posts (i think i posted about it), we had sd for over a month--roughly middle of june, to the end of july, and bm talked to her maybe 3 times. We dealt with the tears because bm wouldn't call back almost every night. Even calling every day, bm either wouldn't answer, or it would be I'm busy I'll call back later, and she never did. I know, when we were with my dad for 6 weeks out of the summer growing up, my sister and I talked to my mom every day, and sometimes twice a day..if she was busy or missed the call, she called us back. Am I wrong in that thinking..or being too judgemental because of what I grew up with?
I truly don't know what the issue is. I am good to sd, I don't treat her any differently..the only "issue" I can think of, is that I made the girls stay upstairs when I would hop in the shower...or I made them at least try a bit of every food before they say they don't like it (sd is a little picky when it comes to food)..but that's the same rule for dd just like it will be for sd when he's old enough. LOL I'm sure I'm hated for that. :) I'm tired of the drama, and the looney random accusations---not sure what else to call it since she never said what the problem was. I never had an issue with bm, and have always been nice to her. I know I'm going to be hated...I think that comes with the territory..at least in this situation, and all I can do is wait it out and hope that sd will understand one day, and that (after yesterday) she doesn't see me as this twisted awful person that I'm/we're probably made out to be.
There's nothing I can do about dh's job..so please don't suggest anything for that. Dh has put too much in to this to just up and change his life completely.
Thanks for listening to my vent. Hope everyone had a great mother's day!!