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Step grandchildren problems.

Posted by on May. 14, 2012 at 6:22 PM
  • 27 Replies

My husband has two biological grandchildren in another state.  We just celebrated our 4th anniversary and have known each other for five years.  We knew each other before one of the grandchildren was born.  When we visit, we are treated nicely, but I am given no name.  I would like a grandmotherly type name, but it doesn't have to be grandma.  As it stands right now, the grandchildren have no idea what to call me.  At Christmas, one of them referred to me as "that girl."  My feelings were really hurt, but I tried to be mature about it and didn't bring it up to my husband until about a month later.  I have done all I know to do to show love and support.  My instinct is to teach them myself to call me by my first name, since it is evident their parents do know want me to have a grandmother name.  My son-in-law's mother is dead, so there is only one biological grandmother as it is.  Some other young friends that we are close to have two little ones and they call me KK.  That helps.  At least I know I do have that type of role in their lives.  They live away also.  Makes me want to go to see them more than the others.  Anyone have any advice other than I need to get over it and go on?

by on May. 14, 2012 at 6:22 PM
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by on May. 14, 2012 at 6:26 PM
It would be best to talk to your step kids. See what they want you to be called. My husband & step son have no problems with my parents being his "grandpa" even though its biological. if you don't feel comfortable talking to your step kids about this then ask your husband to bring it up! That way the kids aren't confused :)
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by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 14, 2012 at 6:56 PM

If your stepkids don't want their kids calling you by a grandma type name, then just go by your first name.  Obviously there's animosity between you and the skids if they won't even tell their kids to call you by your first name.  How the hell do you even go to someone's house and NOT be introduced to ANYONE, even the kids???  Geez, rude much?  Or is there something going on with the step kids that lead them to do this to you?

by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2012 at 9:16 PM

It's not your choice. That really is the only acceptable response. 

by on May. 14, 2012 at 9:45 PM

My mom  somehow manages to be Nanny to all her grandchildren and thier siblings by other parents. My sk's have always called her Nanny. But we never really used the "step" terms in our family.

by on May. 14, 2012 at 9:47 PM

I actually agree with everything said above too... :)

by on May. 14, 2012 at 9:47 PM

What a sad situation... my grandma (technically my ex-step-grandma) is probably the best thing that ever happened to me. 

Do you want to be grandma to these kids?  If you do, maybe ask mom if you can fill that roll? 

by Member on May. 14, 2012 at 9:54 PM

Are you sure this isn't a giant misunderstanding?  Maybe the kids don't have any idea what to call you because they think that calling you Grandma would offend you.  My mother made it perfectly clear that my own child (her true blood and law grandchild) was NEVER going to call her "Grandma" and insisted he call her this stupid nickname instead.  

I think this might best be broached by simply talking to your step children and seeing if they'd be ok with having their kids call you KK or Kiki or Mimi or whatever name you'd prefer.  

by on May. 14, 2012 at 10:16 PM

I have to agree with what some of the others moms have reponded with

by on May. 14, 2012 at 10:40 PM

My kids still don't call my husbands SM grandma.  They love her, but she is still first name.  They also call my husband's mother firstname and sometimes grandma.  She's known them since 2004.

by Ruby Member on May. 14, 2012 at 11:14 PM

talk to your skids-perhaps there's a name ya'll can come up with together.

my grandmother's got grandkids that aren't even blood related-but they still call her grandmom

or her "adopted kids" who call her auntie anne

my mom's got about 45 kids that she didn't give birth to but she gets called Momma :)

I hope you find a nice nickname ya'll can agree on :)

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