My stepkids live with me. They are13 and 11 and have been living with DH and I since they were toddlers. BM has very little to do with them. MIL and GMIL worship the ground they walk on to the point that they criticize our parenting. Skids go and tell the in laws EVERYTHING that goes on in our household. Sometimes they tell lies and in laws believe everything they say. They play favorites between my stepchildren and my biological children(favoring my stepchildren) It's caused division in my household.
My children dont even like going to my in laws house, but my stepchildren can't get enough and if they had a choice they would rather live with my in laws because they spoil them with money and gifts and let them do whatever they want. They have no chores or responsibility with their grandparents so they are brainwashed into thinking the grass is greener on the other side. I'm sick of all the drama. Being a stepmom sucks and if I could do it all over again....(Just needed to vent)
The weird thing is that my fil family is the same way. They coddle ss and feed him crap. Dd is just a baby and gets next to no attention from them. I dont get it. Im quiet and polite and friendly. I also used to be very eager to be close with them. Its so weird.
The good thing is that the kids really wont care probably. I had some involved grandparents and some not. I never cared. I never really noticed. Kids can tell who tgeir "family" is. Its tge people who take an interest and love them.
TO THE OP. dont make YOUR KIDS go there. Use it as an excuse to go do something special with your kiddos.
I wouldnt push my own away to do
Quoting blg5484:we could be related have the same MIL LOL I used to get mad and tell DH he needed to do something about her spoiling him but I dont any more I told DH when he is older and a holy hell I wont be bailing him out and when he get in trouble because he has always got everything and they decide when he is older to cut him off Im gonna let then know they made him that way he is 4 DD is 2 and DS is 7 month we have the dig in EVERYTHING issues to but its at everyone house not just the inlaws My mom has 2 drawers with spoons and stuff she can dig in so ita a big help but MIL house had bobby pins on the floor a bowl of dog food a water bowl the list goes on and on
Quoting heathercm26:
Yeah my mil cant have mine either. Just the skid. I used to think i wouldbt let her see skid if she couldnt treat ( dh and my ) dd the same way. Now though i see it as a blessing. If she doesnt want my dd around i dont want dd there. I also dont want to be tge bad guy that doesnt let skid go there so. Good riddins. Go ahead and take him for the night. I used to really watch him at her house and try to keep him from going wild after she loaded him with cookies cake and juice BEFORE SUPPER. Now i just say i have somewhere to be so i gotta go. Have fun!
Then she cant act like im mean cuz i dont wanna pump him full of sugar. Or act like im a bad mama cuz hes so wild.
I avoid going tgere unless i have to go somewhere right after. I will even drive seperate so i can leave anytime. She refuses to move amything ( like nik naks) and i have a toddler. She also has tony toys that she could choke on so i just play the nice one. "Well i would love to say but i dont want the baby to get into anything. Plus im just so tired" i always try to leave before she gets insulting or i get to mad.
Quoting blg5484:i dont like the situation some times we get SS EOWE and its an hour there and back to pick him up its usually DHs only days off the pick up and drop off day so its hectic and stressful the BM drama has finally ended after years my MIL treats SS differant then me and DHs 2 we have together but thats because I refuse to let her take my 2 LOs and feed the skittles for breakfast
Quoting umhassouna:
I'm a stepmom to a 7 year old boy and 4 year old girl. It can be excruciating to be a stepmother, especially when BM has issues. And the kids develop issues from their BM's instability. My In-laws also favor the steps over mine and DH's BS3. They over sympathize with them because BM is a mess, and will attempt to scold DH and I when we discipline either SS or SD ( not when BS gets corrected, of course). It's incredibly frustrating... I've chosen to disengage at this point, and it has helped. Maybe you should try it if you haven't already.
Quoting mom2cheesebug:I would limit the time the SK's get to go over there. If they can't treat them all the same than they dont need to see them on a regular basis. When the other two get older they will feel unloved and belittled due to this. i have been through this and the only time my kids and SK's see that person is on holidays and get togethers. I gave her a choice, she can treat them all equal or she won't be seeing them on a regular basis anymore. She said she can't help that she likes one more than the other, so she only sees them once a month now.
Your husband should put his foot down with the inlaws that they have to treat all 4 kids equal since they are all 4 his and therefore all 4 theirs too! He should also be having converations with your SKids about honesty and consequences for their actions. Clearly the inlaws behave this way because they feel sorry that the kids were abandoned by their mom - but they are creating much bigger problems than they probably even realize. I'm not sure why people always fall for that victim role - it drives me crazy! My SS has pulled stuff like that too only probably not to that extreme. It's frustrating to deal with . I think there are days that any SM wonders what the hell was I thinking? LOL but there are lots of good moments too ... try and stay strong, he's going to need you to help him with raising these babies into contributing people in society. Just keep trying to do the right thing and you can't go wrong with that. - make some YOU time too!!! :)
I have to say, it's not my favorite thing. I have started to see where my own stepmom was coming from when I was young. My SO's daughter is spoiled to no end by my SO's parents. My children (not with my SO) go there after school everyday, but they get treated so differently it's not even worth it even though it is free daycare. As soon as I can I am going to change it for them. I have often considered leaving the situation and either being alone or finding someone with no kids!
Quoting heathercm26:
Lol. We could have the same mil. Thats funny. My opinion means nothing in her house which is very rude, but there are just somethings i cant deal with.
The weird thing is that my fil family is the same way. They coddle ss and feed him crap. Dd is just a baby and gets next to no attention from them. I dont get it. Im quiet and polite and friendly. I also used to be very eager to be close with them. Its so weird.
The good thing is that the kids really wont care probably. I had some involved grandparents and some not. I never cared. I never really noticed. Kids can tell who tgeir "family" is. Its tge people who take an interest and love them.
TO THE OP. dont make YOUR KIDS go there. Use it as an excuse to go do something special with your kiddos.
I wouldnt push my own away to do
Quoting blg5484:we could be related have the same MIL LOL I used to get mad and tell DH he needed to do something about her spoiling him but I dont any more I told DH when he is older and a holy hell I wont be bailing him out and when he get in trouble because he has always got everything and they decide when he is older to cut him off Im gonna let then know they made him that way he is 4 DD is 2 and DS is 7 month we have the dig in EVERYTHING issues to but its at everyone house not just the inlaws My mom has 2 drawers with spoons and stuff she can dig in so ita a big help but MIL house had bobby pins on the floor a bowl of dog food a water bowl the list goes on and on
Quoting heathercm26:
Yeah my mil cant have mine either. Just the skid. I used to think i wouldbt let her see skid if she couldnt treat ( dh and my ) dd the same way. Now though i see it as a blessing. If she doesnt want my dd around i dont want dd there. I also dont want to be tge bad guy that doesnt let skid go there so. Good riddins. Go ahead and take him for the night. I used to really watch him at her house and try to keep him from going wild after she loaded him with cookies cake and juice BEFORE SUPPER. Now i just say i have somewhere to be so i gotta go. Have fun!
Then she cant act like im mean cuz i dont wanna pump him full of sugar. Or act like im a bad mama cuz hes so wild.
I avoid going tgere unless i have to go somewhere right after. I will even drive seperate so i can leave anytime. She refuses to move amything ( like nik naks) and i have a toddler. She also has tony toys that she could choke on so i just play the nice one. "Well i would love to say but i dont want the baby to get into anything. Plus im just so tired" i always try to leave before she gets insulting or i get to mad.
Quoting blg5484:i dont like the situation some times we get SS EOWE and its an hour there and back to pick him up its usually DHs only days off the pick up and drop off day so its hectic and stressful the BM drama has finally ended after years my MIL treats SS differant then me and DHs 2 we have together but thats because I refuse to let her take my 2 LOs and feed the skittles for breakfast
Jealousy, confusion, frustration- oh joy...
- angelqueen617
on May. 14, 2012 at 11:32 PM