SD disappointment

[Eatthisapple]

Hi, I am new here and need to vent and connect with other SMs. My 27-year-old SD is "done with me" since February. (I married her dad when she was 8 and she lived with us from 15 to 18.) We were getting along fine until she got mad about something I posted on FB that had nothing to do with her. She totally overreacted. She called DH to tell him how pissed she was, never called me. We still have not talked but she has told Mil, FIL, and SIL how horrible I am. The final straw was when she told DH that I cheated on him (not true). I don't know how I can ever trust her again. If anything improves, it will have to be her doing, cause I am done. When anything happens that upsets her, it is always somehow my fault. Also I am pretty sure she has borderline personality disorder. I have never experienced anything like this with my birth family. Some days the resentment I feel makes me wonder if my marriage can survive this. DH supports me but also sees SD. We have agreed to not talk about her, and she is no longer allowed to dog me to DH. All the in-laws think I need to fix this but I am done!!!!!!!!!! I dread the holidays cause it will be a logistical nightmare to accommodate her need to avoid me. This has broken my heart. She is my only child, and she hates me.

[mom2cheesebug]

I am sorry, but she is no longer a child and she doesnt feel she needs to respect you, so you might as well throw in the towel until she is ready to be a woman about it and talk to you. I woulnd't put up with that from my own kids, let alone my SK's. If she were a child it would be different, but she is an adult and you can't make her see the light now, she has to do it on her own and fix the bridges she is choosing to burn.

[chanizen]

So step back. Visit your side of the family for holidays this year. Or bring a good book and visit with people away from sd for a while.

Don't push... Just go do your own thing. Let her be and maybe she will let you be.

[angelmommy2806]

She's old enough you don't Have to have a relationship with her. If the family thinks you need to step up I'd tell them it's a two way street and she's not a little kid.

[kim8934]

I agree with everyone else, she's a big girl now, time to stop acting 5.

[TankGirlie]

She's an adult and should act like one. Instead of blowing up at something that had nothing to do with her, she should have just left it alone. As to the family that says that you need to step up, they need to butt out. The problem that SD created is between you two and the best solution is to just kill it with kindness.

[stormflower21]

is there any way to ask her what about the post that pissed her off? even if it;s your husband that asks? maybe it would open the lines of conversation or into her mind? still crazy though-my husband keeps saying fb is bad and breaks up marriages

[KellyReedy]

Yeah, she's an "adult".  If she wants to act like a child, let it go.  Hopefully she will come around soon!

[Eatthisapple]

I know what she reacted to on FB. My issue is that she never spoke to me about it. If she had, I could have cleared up the misunderstanding easily. Instead, she called her dad and cussed him out about it, and about me. Then she sent me a hateful email. She likes to use statements that start with "you always . . " and "you never . . " which makes me crazy. I have had to block her, her friends, and all SD family on FB. I hope she will now find another victim for her venom.

[ShannaBee]

Sometimes we have to set up walls and boundaries. I am sorry you and your stepdaughter had a falling out. Maybe the future will be brighter for the two of you. It's good that your husband is being supportive.

[nmaxwell816]

Hello and welcome to the grojp