Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

In your opinion... are nightly phone calls from the bm, like an invasion of family time to you? 


How much is too much? What would other SM's feel acceptable? What type of arrangement do you currently have. 

My DF and I are getting tired the the BM always interupting our family time and/or dinner meals with her nightly calls. Most of the time, the calls are short and simple, sometimes its just babbling about complete nonsense, but the LO seems to not really care about the nightly call unless she's craving attention in which case she hams it up. 

by on May. 18, 2012 at 5:37 PM
Replies (71-79):
rebeccasmly
by on May. 19, 2012 at 11:58 PM
Our mediator encouraged daily phone calls especially during the reintroductiin of BM. She also said we needed to call any time they spent the night during this period to help the kids. Our courts encourage daily phone calls from whichever parent is absent.


Quoting laurenr144:

No, I'm sorry. I should not have been so vague, that's my fault. The "they" that I am referring to are a great deal of child psychologists and mediators that deal in conflict as it pertains to divorce. Also I think that every situation is very different and only the BM and BF can decide with their children what is and isn't appropriate for them.




Quoting FloridaMomma:




Quoting laurenr144:



They say that daily calls are unhealthy, espcially if the children spend a good deal of visitation time with both parents.  A program that deals with high conflict divorce has said that it IS indeed an invasion of time and unhealthy to speak every day. 




Who is "they"?  Bitter SM's who want to pretend that they are in nuclear families?



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
laurenr144
by on May. 20, 2012 at 12:50 AM
Well like I said everyone's situation is different and it's up to those involved. Also it sounds like the BM was out of the picture for a while in your situation, as you said "reintroduce". So it sounds like you're doing what it takes to make things run smoothly.


Quoting rebeccasmly:

Our mediator encouraged daily phone calls especially during the reintroductiin of BM. She also said we needed to call any time they spent the night during this period to help the kids. Our courts encourage daily phone calls from whichever parent is absent.




Quoting laurenr144:

No, I'm sorry. I should not have been so vague, that's my fault. The "they" that I am referring to are a great deal of child psychologists and mediators that deal in conflict as it pertains to divorce. Also I think that every situation is very different and only the BM and BF can decide with their children what is and isn't appropriate for them.






Quoting FloridaMomma:





Quoting laurenr144:




They say that daily calls are unhealthy, espcially if the children spend a good deal of visitation time with both parents.  A program that deals with high conflict divorce has said that it IS indeed an invasion of time and unhealthy to speak every day. 





Who is "they"?  Bitter SM's who want to pretend that they are in nuclear families?




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
boysmom5
by Bronze Member on May. 20, 2012 at 9:25 AM
I'll call my kids a couple times during the week they're at their dad's in the summer. We do week on, week off during the summer. If it's just his weekend during the school year I don't call. I don't want him calling all the time when they are at home. BM in our situation rarely calls at all.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sheka1
by on May. 20, 2012 at 2:02 PM

 Nothing wrong with BM calling, just don't answer if you are eating supper.  Have the SK call back when done eating.  Or you could just set a certain time every night for BM to call.  And why doesn't BF call her every day instead of every 72 hrs?

Quoting newStepmom05:

 

Quoting WifeyC:

I would expect a parent to talk to their child on a daily basis.

Even if the child showed no interest?

Even if the BM was calling on purpose during a time when we told her we were eating dinner? 

I wouldn't mind so much if it wasnt so intrusive and she was delibertly not respecting our family time. When DF only calls her every 72 hours to respect their time together. 

 

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on May. 20, 2012 at 4:06 PM

 another petty and ridiculous argument. Like it bothers you to hear someone on the phone....talking. Yeah, I can see how intrusive that would be. LOL

lilangilyn
by on May. 20, 2012 at 6:16 PM

I haven't read the other replies but I think they can be an invasion. I think if the child is very young, every day is fine. It should be at an agreed time and I think the child should call the mom with the help of the other parent. As the child ages, the calls should be less frequent. Our SS was in our home as a teenager and we logged 32 phone calls from BM in one day. Calls where she was crying, cursing, threatening and otherwise harrassing.

To me it got worse when SS got his own cell phone. Then she was never out of touch. During our court case, we had phone records of her calling him at 2 am. And she would have already talked to him once or more that day already.

These phone calls were not about him. They were about her need to have constant contact with her little husband. Without that contact, she felt abandoned and alone. It was a sick dynamic and I am really glad we don't go through that anymore.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on May. 20, 2012 at 6:24 PM

 your sitch is clearly not the norm, it is the extreme. 32 calls denotes a different type of problem.

Quoting lilangilyn:

I haven't read the other replies but I think they can be an invasion. I think if the child is very young, every day is fine. It should be at an agreed time and I think the child should call the mom with the help of the other parent. As the child ages, the calls should be less frequent. Our SS was in our home as a teenager and we logged 32 phone calls from BM in one day. Calls where she was crying, cursing, threatening and otherwise harrassing.

To me it got worse when SS got his own cell phone. Then she was never out of touch. During our court case, we had phone records of her calling him at 2 am. And she would have already talked to him once or more that day already.

These phone calls were not about him. They were about her need to have constant contact with her little husband. Without that contact, she felt abandoned and alone. It was a sick dynamic and I am really glad we don't go through that anymore.

 

lilangilyn
by on May. 20, 2012 at 6:32 PM

It wouldn't have bothered me if she had called and said normal stuff like, how ya doing, what did ya do today, did you go swimming, etc. But it was always, ask your dad if you can come home early, ask your dad if he will pay for your haircut, tell your dad if doesn't do those things he is a jerk. Tell your dad my BF said he is a jerk and stupid. And childish, and on and on. Sometimes I could hear her voice even if I left the room because she would be yelling. Honestly, those times were nightmare times.

One day they started at 10:30 am and then she called back every 10-20 minutes after that telling SS to tell his day to bring him home early. She would refuse to talk to DH. SS became belligerant because of the pressure from his mom. Finally at 4:40 pm, I took his cell phone away because the anger, disrespect and nastiness were just out of control. After that I was labeled "the tragedy" by Hammy. Because no one had ever put a stop to that. SS was allowed to do or say anything to his dad while his mom and her cohorts would cheer him on.

So I am not in favor of these kind of disruptive, intrusive phone calls. I am fine with normal ones. My ex calls the kids when they are at my house. Doesn't bother me.

Quoting baparrot2:

 your sitch is clearly not the norm, it is the extreme. 32 calls denotes a different type of problem.

Quoting lilangilyn:

I haven't read the other replies but I think they can be an invasion. I think if the child is very young, every day is fine. It should be at an agreed time and I think the child should call the mom with the help of the other parent. As the child ages, the calls should be less frequent. Our SS was in our home as a teenager and we logged 32 phone calls from BM in one day. Calls where she was crying, cursing, threatening and otherwise harrassing.

To me it got worse when SS got his own cell phone. Then she was never out of touch. During our court case, we had phone records of her calling him at 2 am. And she would have already talked to him once or more that day already.

These phone calls were not about him. They were about her need to have constant contact with her little husband. Without that contact, she felt abandoned and alone. It was a sick dynamic and I am really glad we don't go through that anymore.

 


newStepmom05
by on May. 21, 2012 at 11:17 AM


Quoting sheka1:

And why doesn't BF call her every day instead of every 72 hrs?


He calls every 3 days as a respect for the tiem the LO is with her mother. As well as noticing a pattern in the past that when he would call every day, she wouldn't pick up the phone. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured