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How to deal with the distance

Posted by on May. 22, 2012 at 5:07 PM
  • 6 Replies

 My husband lives 800 miles away from his daughter. He does the best he can to be involved in her life and visits as much as money and time off work allows. Dauther is 9 and does not have her own cell phone so when he calls we are always on BM phone and her time. We write letters to her and send her packages, never get anything back, but that is okay she is only 9.

How do other familes deal with the distance? Any words of advice?

All of life is a journey; which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there. 



by on May. 22, 2012 at 5:07 PM
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Replies (1-6):
daddysgf
by and that's all on May. 22, 2012 at 5:47 PM

This is the relationship you will have, unless you move closer (Sorry)

Skype is nice though. 

Lunakim77
by on May. 22, 2012 at 6:25 PM
I was looking for ways that other families deal with the distance.
Her mom will not allow her to use a computer. And if she did Skype would not be an option because we could see them in the background. We can't even get a phone call with out BM in the background correcting child all the time. Arrr so frustrating.
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ROBIN-C
by on May. 22, 2012 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this

 get her a cell phone on DH's acct. it usually only cost $10/mo to add a line. BM cant say anything about her dad giving her a cell phone. of course he needs to set up rules and expectations prior to giving it to his daughter. our 8 year old has a cell and we have not had any problems (except she doesnt have it on her 90% of the time). either of us are allowed to contact daughter on it whenever we want.

other ideas:

- have dad contact the school to see if they have news letters online. if so have the school sign him up to receive them! have dad contact school teacher via email to see if the teacher sends class letter via email and if so have teacher add him to the list. doing these things will help know what is going on at school and give him more to discuss with daughter when they talk!

if the child is in extra activities have dad get the schedule so he knows what is going on and when. so he can talk about them with daughter!

set up a schedule so daughter knows when to expect dad to call.

if i were dad i would consider getting daughter an inexpensive netbook. reason being that daughter could skype and email him. most 9 year old arent to hip on sitting down and writing letters, but emails are fun! if she has a digintal camera she could send pics too! and dad and daughter could play online games together! like both be on ispy and looking for items together!

daddysgf
by and that's all on May. 22, 2012 at 6:56 PM

We did the distance thing,my "family" had to deal with the distance.. I wasn't being rude. 
It just doesn't change, in my opinion, unless someone moves closer. It's hard to be involved when you're not there.
And... for the rest of that? Sometimes, you have to deal. Yeah, BM may be annoying and sitting right next to the kid on the phone or Skype and talking on their behalf but what other options are there, really?

 

Quoting Lunakim77:

I was looking for ways that other families deal with the distance.
Her mom will not allow her to use a computer. And if she did Skype would not be an option because we could see them in the background. We can't even get a phone call with out BM in the background correcting child all the time. Arrr so frustrating.


Lunakim77
by on May. 22, 2012 at 10:56 PM

Thanks for the advice and options. 

Dh and I are actively involved in her school and thank god has an awesome teacher that sends us homework and papers when we ask. She has also answered any questions we have when it pertains to her grades. The school uses an online grading program so we can see what her grades are and what she got on her assignments. 

Her mom would never allow a cell phone or a notebook. She is not allowed online at all. Not even under adult supervision. Her mom is a control freak so using a cell phone that we pay for would still not slide in their home. We did consider it and the mom said you can buy it for her but that does not guarentee that she can use it here. So whats the point really? 


Quoting ROBIN-C:

 get her a cell phone on DH's acct. it usually only cost $10/mo to add a line. BM cant say anything about her dad giving her a cell phone. of course he needs to set up rules and expectations prior to giving it to his daughter. our 8 year old has a cell and we have not had any problems (except she doesnt have it on her 90% of the time). either of us are allowed to contact daughter on it whenever we want.

other ideas:

- have dad contact the school to see if they have news letters online. if so have the school sign him up to receive them! have dad contact school teacher via email to see if the teacher sends class letter via email and if so have teacher add him to the list. doing these things will help know what is going on at school and give him more to discuss with daughter when they talk!

if the child is in extra activities have dad get the schedule so he knows what is going on and when. so he can talk about them with daughter!

set up a schedule so daughter knows when to expect dad to call.

if i were dad i would consider getting daughter an inexpensive netbook. reason being that daughter could skype and email him. most 9 year old arent to hip on sitting down and writing letters, but emails are fun! if she has a digintal camera she could send pics too! and dad and daughter could play online games together! like both be on ispy and looking for items together!


looneytunes290
by on May. 22, 2012 at 11:55 PM
How long has the current arrangement been in effect? Who moved away her or him? He shoul move closer to his daughter if he wants a relationship with her- I know that's blunt- but it's true.


Quoting Lunakim77:

I was looking for ways that other families deal with the distance.

Her mom will not allow her to use a computer. And if she did Skype would not be an option because we could see them in the background. We can't even get a phone call with out BM in the background correcting child all the time. Arrr so frustrating.

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