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How to cope with Baby Mama Drama

Posted by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:28 AM
  • 56 Replies

So I am in a serious relationship with a man who has a child with his ex.  His daugher was only 8 months when we met, she is now a 1 1/2 yearold.  Things with the mother were rocky at first, she had an issue with anything and everything I did with their child.  But we actually talked one night and tried to hash things out.  But it's like no matter what, there's always going to be tension there, with different issues regarding the child and my boyfriend.  I hate constantly asking myself if I can handle all this when it comes to being with the man of my dreams!!!  HELP!

by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:28 AM
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whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 23, 2012 at 10:35 AM


what issues does she have with you?

....ClvrScn.
by Silver Member on May. 23, 2012 at 10:48 AM
2 moms liked this

My advice - from someone who has a very friendly relationship with my husbands ex

The EX does not need to know anything you do with their daughter. You give her a bath, change her diaper or take her to the fair -  BM does not need to know!

Alot of times, the BM gets hostile, because they believe and rightly so, that dad needs to be doing the bulk of it all. Remember that as far as the law and BM are concerned the child is there to visit her father , regardless of how you and your boyfriend run your home.

Don't interfere with parenting at all - Your boyfriend and his ex have many many years ahead of them. The less you interact with BM, the better. If the daughter is sick and needs to go to the E.R. - by all means your boyfriend should be there - You should not. If the child is having a problem with anything - Let's say she won't eat vegi's - Your boyfriend should ask BM what she does, not you..

My best advice - To BM you are non existent!

yesmaam
by Silver Member on May. 23, 2012 at 10:50 AM
1 mom liked this

 If you have to ask yourself, its probably not a good idea.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 23, 2012 at 10:51 AM


Quoting ....ClvrScn.:

My best advice - To BM you are non existent! 

this is good advice. You can't go wrong with this.

jessiesluv
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:56 AM
5 moms liked this

Don't deal with bm, don't try to be friends with her and definately don't have high expectations of your relationship with her.


sporty_12_87
by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:00 AM

Well she had issues with me bathing her daughter, and posting any pics of her on facebook.  She says she's over that now and constantly reminds me that "she is mom" and I am not to be replacing her.  And little things she does involving my boyfriend and their daughter bother me to no end, but I try to keep my mouth shut as not to stir the waters.  She is at the bar every weekend, even asks me to baby sit during the week so she can go out and it bothers me to no end!  My boyfriend recently started working 2nd shift so he is watching their daughter while the mother is at work and basically the day care, but everything is on her terms.  And it upsets me that she seems to see him as a convenience and not a father!

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 23, 2012 at 11:03 AM


Quoting sporty_12_87:

Well she had issues with me bathing her daughter, and posting any pics of her on facebook.  She says she's over that now and constantly reminds me that "she is mom" and I am not to be replacing her.  And little things she does involving my boyfriend and their daughter bother me to no end, but I try to keep my mouth shut as not to stir the waters.  She is at the bar every weekend, even asks me to baby sit during the week so she can go out and it bothers me to no end!  My boyfriend recently started working 2nd shift so he is watching their daughter while the mother is at work and basically the day care, but everything is on her terms.  And it upsets me that she seems to see him as a convenience and not a father!

You can always say no when she asks you to babysit. Just tell her you're busy.

As for your boyfriend, I imagine he enjoys the extra time with his child. If not, he can also say no.

How much parenting time does your boyfriend have? is there a CO? does he pay child support?

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 23, 2012 at 11:05 AM
2 moms liked this

Act as if BM doesn't exist.

Ummm and also, don't use the words baby and mamma together in this forum...some folks don't like it and it's kinda derrogatory towards the kid's mom.  You wouldn't want BM coming on here and talking about you calling you daddy's ho, right? lol

sporty_12_87
by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:11 AM

Sorry I wasn't sure what BM stood for...new to all this.  Meant no disrespect.  My boyfriend is thrilled to have her so much, but is no in a fight for 50/50 placement and/or to lower his child support.  But they have to go to mediation 1st to try and discuss it.  The reason I don't say no to babysitting is because I do love that little girl and since I only get to see her now every other weekend it's nice to get that extra time with her.  Just bothers me that I'm watching her so BM can go out and drink.  And she yelled at my boyfriend the 1 time he found a babysitter so he could go out.  It's hard because I feel like I will always be compared to BM in a weird way, and feel like I have to go above and beyond to show I'm worthy of time with their daughter.  If that makes any sense?

sporty_12_87
by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:12 AM

My boyfriend currently gets her 4 days a week while BM is at work, and then every other weekend.

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