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How to cope with Baby Mama Drama

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So I am in a serious relationship with a man who has a child with his ex.  His daugher was only 8 months when we met, she is now a 1 1/2 yearold.  Things with the mother were rocky at first, she had an issue with anything and everything I did with their child.  But we actually talked one night and tried to hash things out.  But it's like no matter what, there's always going to be tension there, with different issues regarding the child and my boyfriend.  I hate constantly asking myself if I can handle all this when it comes to being with the man of my dreams!!!  HELP!

by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:28 AM
Replies (51-56):
sporty_12_87
by on May. 24, 2012 at 9:51 AM

Definitely agreed,, she just takes advantage of him cuz she can.  And that's where I have been trying to help him change that around so it's not always a dead end street.

I'm just sad to because as much as I love my SO it's hard for me to know that him and BM share something that him and i don't.  And I love this little girl so much that they made together but she is not mine.  And if SO and I ever have kids will it be as special since he already has 1 of his own?  And this has NOTHING to do with BM.  I'm just trying to figure out how I get over it!!?? And not let it eat me up like it does!?

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 24, 2012 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting sporty_12_87:

Definitely agreed,, she just takes advantage of him cuz she can.  And that's where I have been trying to help him change that around so it's not always a dead end street.

I'm just sad to because as much as I love my SO it's hard for me to know that him and BM share something that him and i don't.  And I love this little girl so much that they made together but she is not mine.  And if SO and I ever have kids will it be as special since he already has 1 of his own?  And this has NOTHING to do with BM.  I'm just trying to figure out how I get over it!!?? And not let it eat me up like it does!?

ok, that's the first you have mentioned that (in red). I think there are many underlying issues here that contribute to your emotions and reactions to BM's actions. Not knowing your role, being new to step dynamics, jealousy of their past relationship... all these things together.

I'm sure it is very confusing.  I think you should be patient with yourself as you sort through all these things.

yesmaam
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2012 at 1:26 PM

 The being compared to BM part is your boyfriend's fault not BMs :)

Quoting sporty_12_87:

Sorry I wasn't sure what BM stood for...new to all this.  Meant no disrespect.  My boyfriend is thrilled to have her so much, but is no in a fight for 50/50 placement and/or to lower his child support.  But they have to go to mediation 1st to try and discuss it.  The reason I don't say no to babysitting is because I do love that little girl and since I only get to see her now every other weekend it's nice to get that extra time with her.  Just bothers me that I'm watching her so BM can go out and drink.  And she yelled at my boyfriend the 1 time he found a babysitter so he could go out.  It's hard because I feel like I will always be compared to BM in a weird way, and feel like I have to go above and beyond to show I'm worthy of time with their daughter.  If that makes any sense?

 

You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing

sporty_12_87
by on May. 24, 2012 at 1:30 PM


Quoting yesmaam:

 The being compared to BM part is your boyfriend's fault not BMs :)

Quoting sporty_12_87:

Sorry I wasn't sure what BM stood for...new to all this.  Meant no disrespect.  My boyfriend is thrilled to have her so much, but is no in a fight for 50/50 placement and/or to lower his child support.  But they have to go to mediation 1st to try and discuss it.  The reason I don't say no to babysitting is because I do love that little girl and since I only get to see her now every other weekend it's nice to get that extra time with her.  Just bothers me that I'm watching her so BM can go out and drink.  And she yelled at my boyfriend the 1 time he found a babysitter so he could go out.  It's hard because I feel like I will always be compared to BM in a weird way, and feel like I have to go above and beyond to show I'm worthy of time with their daughter.  If that makes any sense?

 

I don't feel like it's his fault.  I feel like I'm being compared when it comes to BM and her family and friends. 

yesmaam
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2012 at 1:32 PM

 So BM's family and friends are comparing you? If that's the case, are they your friends and family too. If not, why do you associate with them? 

You said you go above and beyond to prove your worthy...who are you trying to prove this to? It doesn't really matter, but you don't owe anyone anything.

As for BM using you and BF as a babysitter, be happy she's with you and BM is partying with SD there.

Quoting sporty_12_87:

 

Quoting yesmaam:

 The being compared to BM part is your boyfriend's fault not BMs :)

Quoting sporty_12_87:

Sorry I wasn't sure what BM stood for...new to all this.  Meant no disrespect.  My boyfriend is thrilled to have her so much, but is no in a fight for 50/50 placement and/or to lower his child support.  But they have to go to mediation 1st to try and discuss it.  The reason I don't say no to babysitting is because I do love that little girl and since I only get to see her now every other weekend it's nice to get that extra time with her.  Just bothers me that I'm watching her so BM can go out and drink.  And she yelled at my boyfriend the 1 time he found a babysitter so he could go out.  It's hard because I feel like I will always be compared to BM in a weird way, and feel like I have to go above and beyond to show I'm worthy of time with their daughter.  If that makes any sense?

 

I don't feel like it's his fault.  I feel like I'm being compared when it comes to BM and her family and friends. 

 

You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing

sporty_12_87
by on May. 24, 2012 at 1:37 PM


Quoting yesmaam:

 So BM's family and friends are comparing you? If that's the case, are they your friends and family too. If not, why do you associate with them? 

You said you go above and beyond to prove your worthy...who are you trying to prove this to? It doesn't really matter, but you don't owe anyone anything.

As for BM using you and BF as a babysitter, be happy she's with you and BM is partying with SD there.

Quoting sporty_12_87:

 

Quoting yesmaam:

 The being compared to BM part is your boyfriend's fault not BMs :)

Quoting sporty_12_87:

Sorry I wasn't sure what BM stood for...new to all this.  Meant no disrespect.  My boyfriend is thrilled to have her so much, but is no in a fight for 50/50 placement and/or to lower his child support.  But they have to go to mediation 1st to try and discuss it.  The reason I don't say no to babysitting is because I do love that little girl and since I only get to see her now every other weekend it's nice to get that extra time with her.  Just bothers me that I'm watching her so BM can go out and drink.  And she yelled at my boyfriend the 1 time he found a babysitter so he could go out.  It's hard because I feel like I will always be compared to BM in a weird way, and feel like I have to go above and beyond to show I'm worthy of time with their daughter.  If that makes any sense?

 

I don't feel like it's his fault.  I feel like I'm being compared when it comes to BM and her family and friends. 

 

Bm and I have alot of mutual friends.  And BM's mom talked to my sister, questioning her about me and how I help parent my SO's daughter.

I agree it's good she's not bringing SD to the bar, just frustrating when we willingly watch her time after time so BM can go to the bar yet when SO wants their daughter for a family function it is like pulling teeth!

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