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Looking for some advice

Posted by on May. 25, 2012 at 3:23 PM
  • 105 Replies

I am a brand new member.  I don't really have a lot of issues or problems with being a stepmother, because my stepson is really a nice little boy.  He's 7, and we get along.  I am pregnant, he is almost as excited as my husband and I, and his mom, while not our best friend, is polite.  There is no drama when we have to drop off or pick up, everyone goes to school for the events and awards, its all very calm. 

I have recently come into a financial windfall.  Its mine, in my name only.  Because we didn't think it was a big deal, the subject was mentioned when my stepson was with us.  Not in a detailed way, just my mom talking about it, and asking me what I planned to do in regards to it.  I guess he mentioned it to his mom, which is kind of weird, and she has been burning up my cell and email ever since.

She feels entitled to my financial change in some part!  That is crazy to me! 

In order to be clear, I won some money through a state lotto.  My state is not one that makes you come out in public, which was great, so I didn't.  I didn't think it was a big deal, so I wasn't concerned about my stepson overhearing anything.  I guess I should have been concerned.

Things have gotten so bad that the ex wife has had a lawyer call me.  Why would she do this?  I work, my money has never been an issue before.  Why is it now? How do I handle this?  My husband has told me I need to get my own lawyer.  I have a family lawyer we all use for wills and things like that, but my husband says I need a different kind.  I am not sure what he means.  I know he sounds really unhelpful, but he is battling his ex wife also because she has filed for a change in custody and child support, based on my winning the lotto. 

Has anyone been through this?  Maybe not the lotto thing, but the ex wife wanting to change things and get money from the stepmother?  Is this allowed?

by on May. 25, 2012 at 3:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TankGirlie
by on May. 25, 2012 at 3:31 PM
Kids will repeat almost anything, but they don't really think it's a big deal. It sounds like you should really talk to a lawyer about this. I don't think the BM has any cause to go after you guys unless she's been told things are tight for you and DH, even then I'm a little confused by why she would.
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MommySabs
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2012 at 3:37 PM
Get a lawyer!
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KnowItAll
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2012 at 3:37 PM
1 mom liked this
I think it's strange that you say "you" won the lotto, vs "you and your dh". If you won while married, the money is considered marital property and as a BM, I would also pursue more CS based on the windfall.

I think men who think they can get out of paying higher CS by claiming their wives have won the lottery, not them (as if they won't benefit) are despicable.
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LilacGirl1980
by on May. 25, 2012 at 3:37 PM
2 moms liked this
Gift it to someone you trust and get it off your books...meat hooks can go crazy at the prospect of mo money. Congrats!
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The1Principessa
by on May. 25, 2012 at 3:38 PM

Actually, since my husband and I both work, and have great jobs we enjoy, we are comfortable.  The ex wife is in a job she has been in for years, and I guess she likes it.  She makes good money also.  Neither of the homes is hurting.  Since my husband makes a little more than she does, and she has something like 65% custody, he pays support to her.  So she can definitely take care of herself and my stepson. She's never come after me for money before now.  My income makes our household income double what the ex wife's is.  But we don't live extravagantly.  We all live in the same area, in close developments, which are both nice. 

She just feels that since I won what is basically a nice lump sum of money, she should get more child support because of it.  She also wants more custody time, again, based on the fact that I have a large sum of money.  I don't get it.

I have several appointments to meet with lawyers in the next 2 weeks, because I don't think I can do this on my own.  I just want to know if anyone else has an ex, a wife or a husband, who goes after the stepparent for child support.  And if so, how did the stepparent fend off the request?

andie646c
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2012 at 3:40 PM

I'm not sure how it works in your state but in mine anything earned, won, or obtained during the course of a marriage is considered to belong to BOTH spouses. The only way around this is if you are left money in a will and it is specifically stated that you and only you are to have the money. At least, that is how I understand the laws here.

Perhaps you could call your family lawyer and ask what kind of lawyer would be best for this situation? Or maybe contact the lotto office and ask them what kind of lawyer might be able to help?

Did you win an extremely huge sum or is it one of the smaller amounts (like $1000-$5000 ish)? Is it a years worth of income or maybe the equivelant of a few paychecks? Will it be paid out all at once or in monthly installments? I think all of that would probably factor into a judges decision on whether or not to put it as part of CS.

The1Principessa
by on May. 25, 2012 at 3:42 PM


Quoting KnowItAll:

I think it's strange that you say "you" won the lotto, vs "you and your dh". If you won while married, the money is considered marital property and as a BM, I would also pursue more CS based on the windfall.

I think men who think they can get out of paying higher CS by claiming their wives have won the lottery, not them (as if they won't benefit) are despicable.

But it was me, not him.  When we got married, my dad told me to keep a lot of stuff seperate, since my husband had been married before.  I talked to my husband about it, and he agreed.  Like I said, he and his ex both have good jobs, make good money.  No one is hurting.  I have my own vehicle, my own retirement, investments, etc.  My husband is the sole owner of the house we live in, since he bought it before we got married.  We share bills, but we keep a lot of things seperate.

I am also the only one who plays lotto.  He thinks its silly.  Maybe not so much anymore.  I also think its rude to infer my husband is despicable and that I am somehow lying when you don't know me from Adam.  My income from my job was never considered marital income, and never pursued, why should this be any different?

To think you deserve something from someone you were never married to, and have no real ties to is greedy to me.  I thought the ex wife was coming from left field, but I guess not.

vintagebikegirl
by on May. 25, 2012 at 3:44 PM

Def talk to a lawyer. She really should have no reason to go after you. Sounds like she just wants or feels entitled to part of your winnings.

andie646c
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2012 at 3:48 PM

It's easy enough to prove who bought the ticket. Technically, if she bought it then she won. 

During that whole huge lottery powerball thing a bit back SO and I went and bought 20 tickets. Of course, I'm the one that actually physcially bought them (SO is like this persons DH ... he thinks the lottery is stupid). When it came time to watch the numbers though, SO took one ticket (with 10 "'tickets" on it) and handed me the other told me, "If mine wins I'll split it with you" (he was joking, it would have gone into the joint account for BOTH of us, lol). So it is a bit confusing why her DH isn't considering this "his" money too, especially since it likely legally is..

Quoting KnowItAll:

I think it's strange that you say "you" won the lotto, vs "you and your dh". If you won while married, the money is considered marital property and as a BM, I would also pursue more CS based on the windfall.

I think men who think they can get out of paying higher CS by claiming their wives have won the lottery, not them (as if they won't benefit) are despicable.


- Andie -   

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KnowItAll
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2012 at 3:49 PM
I don't know you from Adam, and don't even really believe you won the lottery. My answer is based solely on how I feel about this subject in general, not how I feel about you or your dh.

Also, as I previously said, lotto winnings are marital property, like it or not. Perhaps you should've gotten divorced before playing the lottery, or simply refrained from playing if sharing the marital winnings with the ex bothers you.

If your dh was not ordered to pay CS at all, or if BM was the one paying CS to your Dh then I could see how the sudden change may upset you. But he pays her now based on his ability to pay and his ability just went up.


Quoting The1Principessa:



Quoting KnowItAll:

I think it's strange that you say "you" won the lotto, vs "you and your dh". If you won while married, the money is considered marital property and as a BM, I would also pursue more CS based on the windfall.



I think men who think they can get out of paying higher CS by claiming their wives have won the lottery, not them (as if they won't benefit) are despicable.

But it was me, not him.  When we got married, my dad told me to keep a lot of stuff seperate, since my husband had been married before.  I talked to my husband about it, and he agreed.  Like I said, he and his ex both have good jobs, make good money.  No one is hurting.  I have my own vehicle, my own retirement, investments, etc.  My husband is the sole owner of the house we live in, since he bought it before we got married.  We share bills, but we keep a lot of things seperate.

I am also the only one who plays lotto.  He thinks its silly.  Maybe not so much anymore.  I also think its rude to infer my husband is despicable and that I am somehow lying when you don't know me from Adam.  My income from my job was never considered marital income, and never pursued, why should this be any different?

To think you deserve something from someone you were never married to, and have no real ties to is greedy to me.  I thought the ex wife was coming from left field, but I guess not.

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