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Vent: I just don't understand

Posted by on May. 28, 2012 at 1:56 PM
  • 11 Replies

So recently, we had won our huge CO in regards to DF getting 50/50. 

And I just don't understand how vindictive people can be sometimes. 

Apparently, the BM went home after court and flat out told SD5 that daddy took mommy somewhere and now a judge is taking away time from mommy and giving it to daddy. 

Why on earth would you mention a judge!? 

The child was devestated when we picked her up from school last Thursday and DF had to get a calendar out and highlight the time with daddy and thent he time with mommy. The childs eyes perked when she saw that it was equal time. And that was that.
When BM came to pick up SD5 after work, DF interjected and asked her WHY. She blamed it on school and said the teacher and her classmates were talking about it. Blantent lies. It disgusts me. 

I just don't understand how someone could play a child against her parent like that. How a mother wouldn't want her child to have all the love that she could possibly deserve, why would she want to starve her child of time with a willing and deserved father? It boggles my mind and seriously just makes me so sad! 

by on May. 28, 2012 at 1:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
packermomof2
by on May. 28, 2012 at 2:23 PM

When my daughter used to have her meltdowns and I finally just couldnt' take anymore of the "why do I have to have two houses?" line of questioning I said "becuase a judge said so"... turns out the kid isn't wounded for life knowing that.

It's the truth. 

Now, I'm not saying you should tell kids EVERYTHING, but I do find it funny that people who take others back to court don't like the kid knowing it and want to know why the OP said anything about it... it's the truth, is it not?  On the other hand I think if the kid doesn't ask questions it shouldn't be discussed, but if the kid asks it can be expalined.

love_my_angels
by Member on May. 28, 2012 at 2:38 PM
It's In our co that we can't even mention judge or co or any thing about the lidagation at all in hearing distance of my ss7 or any 3rd Party It's part of the co if we do it's breaking the order
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newStepmom05
by on May. 28, 2012 at 2:40 PM

From my understanding, the judge, the lawyers, the mediation all told both parents to not discuss court topics with the child, to keep that whole part out of earshot for the little one and all that. 

My gathering about it was simply requested to not add any stress to the child. Or the feeling like she should choose sides.

The kid didn't ask any questions- she didn't even know what was going on yet, according to the LO, the mommy sat her down and told her a bunch of things about court and a judge taking her away from her mommy, etc... We don't know the whole story since it's from a 5 year old, but considering we've not mentioned the words "court", "judge", or "lawyers" there's only a few other places that could have come from. I just don't understand the whole thought of not wanting your child to be able to have a father, a father who wants nothing more in the world but to be a father to his daughter. 

Our plan, was to sit down the LO and talk to her about how she will get to spend more time with us. We weren't planning on mentioning the legality of it all. Just that she would get to spend just as much time with daddy as she would mommy. The LO has asked previously if all her houses could live in one big house together, but she understands why mommy and daddy aren't together.

newStepmom05
by on May. 28, 2012 at 2:42 PM


Quoting love_my_angels:

It's In our co that we can't even mention judge or co or any thing about the lidagation at all in hearing distance of my ss7 or any 3rd Party It's part of the co if we do it's breaking the order

We didn't have any of the "3rd party" stuff, but it was the same thing for us. And according to the documents that we just received, it was still in there. 

feliciasmith
by on May. 28, 2012 at 2:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Because not all mothers are mature enough to keep their traps shut about the other parent. My mil STILL talks shit about my dh's father and they've been divorced for almost 15 yrs

that was very clever what your so did with the calender :)
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love_my_angels
by Member on May. 28, 2012 at 2:58 PM
1 mom liked this
At least I know I'm not the only one dealing with bs
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ShannaBee
by on May. 28, 2012 at 4:40 PM

I'm sorry she did that. She could have worded it differently.

packermomof2
by on May. 28, 2012 at 5:25 PM

And when she asked 'why" after you went through with your plan?

I'm sure my daughter doesn't remember asking me the why questions until I just said the total truth (judge)... I do know she remembers me talking about the judge though (she brought it up recently and she is 11).

So my point is that maybe the kid did ask something or said something and mom just said "fine, here ya go" with the information. 

Your plan sounds fine, but mom probably didnt' know dads plan.  She wasn't informed of it, I'm guessing.  Maybe she had no plan, maybe she just had enough, maybe the court battle wore her down emotionally to the point where she didn't think it through or maybe she felt she was being honest and doesn't want to sugarcoat things for the kid (which I can honestly get behind on a lot of topics, especially those that have to do with changing a kids situation)...

I'm not saying she is right, I'm saying she may have thought her reason for telling the kid, whatever it was, was good enoug.

vintagebikegirl
by on May. 28, 2012 at 6:34 PM
This. (which surprises me since I usually don't agree with Packer, lol)

Quoting packermomof2:

And when she asked 'why" after you went through with your plan?

I'm sure my daughter doesn't remember asking me the why questions until I just said the total truth (judge)... I do know she remembers me talking about the judge though (she brought it up recently and she is 11).

So my point is that maybe the kid did ask something or said something and mom just said "fine, here ya go" with the information. 

Your plan sounds fine, but mom probably didnt' know dads plan.  She wasn't informed of it, I'm guessing.  Maybe she had no plan, maybe she just had enough, maybe the court battle wore her down emotionally to the point where she didn't think it through or maybe she felt she was being honest and doesn't want to sugarcoat things for the kid (which I can honestly get behind on a lot of topics, especially those that have to do with changing a kids situation)...

I'm not saying she is right, I'm saying she may have thought her reason for telling the kid, whatever it was, was good enoug.

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packermomof2
by on May. 28, 2012 at 8:00 PM


Quoting vintagebikegirl:

This. (which surprises me since I usually don't agree with Packer, lol)
Don't worry.  Everything will be right on the board again soon enough :)
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