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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

A letter.

Posted by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 4:14 AM
  • 48 Replies
1 mom liked this

Dear SO,

I'm writing this here because you admitted you have been spying on my posts in Stepmom Central, and you were pissed off at me for posting that I was annoyed and irritated with you and SS a lot lately.  You said you felt sick to your stomach that I felt that way.

Well, since you've taken it upon yourself to take away the one place I can openly admit my frustrations, I'm going to let you have them all.  Yes, I am frustrated.  I am frustrated with life, my job, our living situation- EVERYTHING.  I am frustrated that we will be living in an apartment for the next 20 years unless I can somehow figure out a way to show that I make enough to cover a loan to build a house, because you had to  file bankruptcy.  I did not know your credit was in such shitty standings when we got together, and I only found out when you were already behind on payments on your car, and taking out payday loans.  I realize you didn't know what to do because you were struggling to make ends meet with what was left of your checks every two weeks.  I'm not mad at you for that.  But that doesn't mean I don't still struggle with these things EVERY SINGLE DAY.  If I want to be with you, I have to take EVERYTHING about you- good and bad.  Sometimes, it's hard.  Sometimes, it's hard for me to accept that SS is going to be a pain in the ass for the next ten years.  Sometimes, I do wonder what I was getting myself into.  You are not a kid person, yourself, and I see your frustration even with Kya and Mitchell for SHORT periods of time.  Imagine having them for full nights, but BIGGER.  Imagine them getting into YOUR personal space.  Do you think you could handle that?  Probably not.  You would get frustrated, too.

Yes, I came here and said some things that were exaggerated.  And I explained to you that I said them so that YOU would not look badly to strangers.  Yes, I realize you play guitar and it takes money to make money with it but that doesn't mean it doesn't get to me that every extra cent you have, you spend it on shit for yourself, while I, myself, take every dime I have to make sure we have shit in the house for ALL of us, not just me.  I realize your guitar makes you money- but what you don't realize, is that extra money could be saved so that we can get the fuck out of living in an apartment.  It's great you have a hobby that makes you money.  But you don't make that much at your job when all is said and done!  That's why it is FRUSTRATING FOR ME to see you buy such things KNOWING you have MORE EXPENSES (like, a kid, for one) than I do yet, I DO NOT BUY ANYTHING for myself because I stress about groceries, toilet paper, peanut butter, and soap for your kid!  Which, by the way, he used an entire bottle of in taking just TWO BATHS.  Go look for yourself!

I love you.  I want to be with you.  I think we need work.  I think that shit has been awfully rough the past year for both of us and it sucks- but look how far we've come.  I do not know why you got into a funk.  I do not know why you suddenly felt like I was cheating on you, or pulling away from you.  Maybe it was a vibe I gave off, but it's because I get stressed, too.  I need time for myself.  I'm not in the wrong for that.  Just because I don't want to be at home with you and SS 24/7 does NOT MEAN I don't care about you.  It means I'm human, I'm not a parent, and sometimes I need to do my own thing.

I hope that you can see my side without making everything about you.  Because sometimes, it isn't all about you.  Sometimes, it's about the big picture, and sometimes, I just need to find myself in this entire mess.

Love You,
Me 

by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 4:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 1, 2012 at 5:20 AM
1 mom liked this
Whoa. Sorry, but I would not support him.... Get another job SO or figure out your finances.

Run, forest, run.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Jun. 1, 2012 at 5:28 AM

Which part wouldn't you support?  The money part? 

Dissect it down to how you see this.  I seriously need to know how it looks from the outside.

Quoting chanizen:

Whoa. Sorry, but I would not support him.... Get another job SO or figure out your finances.

Run, forest, run.


mom2cheesebug
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 5:36 AM
1 mom liked this

From another perspective:

I see a woman who is doing everything she can to support a man and his son, whom is only doing what he wants (playing guitar) and not working a real job to support his own kid and girlfriend. And for him to get huffy because you vented to complete strangers, is just absurd and shows he is still just a child and needs to grow up. You sound very stressed about finances that shouldnt even be yours, he as a father should be completly supporting his child and you should be contributing to 1/3 to the household, not everything.

You are going to get very worn out in this relationship and in the end i think you will resent him for not working and it will be the end of the two of you. You are not this childs mother or his mother, he has no right letting you support him. He needs to get a job or the two of you probably wont last much longer. Money isnt everything, but in a relationship, it means a lot.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 1, 2012 at 5:40 AM
2 moms liked this
The money. If he is making money at his hobby, bully for him.

If he is overspending, that is inexcusable. It will lead to financial ruin.

If he needs to get a second job to support himself.... As many artists do.... Off you go SO. Get a second job. Budget your money.

You will resent him if the finances do not improve. You should not be stressing over soap. Get the kid bar soap and a small bottle for shampoo.

Now that means either you are being control freaky about soap.... Or you are stressed over finances. I'm assuming the second.

Like I said to neverbeamom. No shared goals = no shared future.

It does not sound like he shares your financial goals. That is not a good sign. He may not want the same lifestyle. Not a good sign.

I bet you can do better.


Quoting ManicAttack:

Which part wouldn't you support?  The money part? 

Dissect it down to how you see this.  I seriously need to know how it looks from the outside.


Quoting chanizen:

Whoa. Sorry, but I would not support him.... Get another job SO or figure out your finances.



Run, forest, run.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Jun. 1, 2012 at 5:40 AM

He does work a full-time job.  He plays guitar in a band on the side for extra cash once or twice a month.  So he probably makes $100 extra dollars or so.  He makes twice as much as I do; however, with his expenses, I just don't see how he is breaking himself and I'm not.  

I think this will probably make him even more upset if he sees it, but I want him TO SEE WHAT OTHER WOMEN SEE when they read about my frustrations with the whole situation.  I am VERY stressed and for some reason, he doesn't see where my frustrations come from.  

Quoting mom2cheesebug:

From another perspective:

I see a woman who is doing everything she can to support a man and his son, whom is only doing what he wants (playing guitar) and not working a real job to support his own kid and girlfriend. And for him to get huffy because you vented to complete strangers, is just absurd and shows he is still just a child and needs to grow up. You sound very stressed about finances that shouldnt even be yours, he as a father should be completly supporting his child and you should be contributing to 1/3 to the household, not everything.

You are going to get very worn out in this relationship and in the end i think you will resent him for not working and it will be the end of the two of you. You are not this childs mother or his mother, he has no right letting you support him. He needs to get a job or the two of you probably wont last much longer. Money isnt everything, but in a relationship, it means a lot.


chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 1, 2012 at 5:52 AM
He is still over spending then. Or under earning.

Quoting ManicAttack:

He does work a full-time job.  He plays guitar in a band on the side for extra cash once or twice a month.  So he probably makes $100 extra dollars or so.  He makes twice as much as I do; however, with his expenses, I just don't see how he is breaking himself and I'm not.  

I think this will probably make him even more upset if he sees it, but I want him TO SEE WHAT OTHER WOMEN SEE when they read about my frustrations with the whole situation.  I am VERY stressed and for some reason, he doesn't see where my frustrations come from.  


Quoting mom2cheesebug:

From another perspective:


I see a woman who is doing everything she can to support a man and his son, whom is only doing what he wants (playing guitar) and not working a real job to support his own kid and girlfriend. And for him to get huffy because you vented to complete strangers, is just absurd and shows he is still just a child and needs to grow up. You sound very stressed about finances that shouldnt even be yours, he as a father should be completly supporting his child and you should be contributing to 1/3 to the household, not everything.


You are going to get very worn out in this relationship and in the end i think you will resent him for not working and it will be the end of the two of you. You are not this childs mother or his mother, he has no right letting you support him. He needs to get a job or the two of you probably wont last much longer. Money isnt everything, but in a relationship, it means a lot.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Jun. 1, 2012 at 5:53 AM

His band is his second job.  It is also one of the stressers between us.  He loves his music and I do not want to force him out of it.  But I have tried to explain how I feel- like his band comes before anything else, then his son, then me.  And he HAS tried to work on that.  He's made a few sacrifices when it came to shows so that he didn't miss out on things we had planned.  

I don't stress over soap.  It was just one of those things that I notice that he DOESN'T notice.  I don't know if it's a woman thing, but it's like, if I don't comb over those sorts of needs, they aren't taken care off.  I hate nitpicking, but SS has bad skin, so he needs dye-free, scent free, soap-free moisture stuff.  He never used to take showers and baths at our place but now he does, so it was one more thing to remember.  SO probably didn't notice that after just two baths, SS had managed to use THE ENTIRE BOTTLE of soap.  I only noticed because I happened to glance down at it when I was cleaning and there was a smidge left in it.  It's that small stuff that adds up to stressing me out in the long run, though.

I think you're right- I don't believe we share the same future goals and that is half the problem.  I am not in a hurry to run off and get married, but I would like to have a HOUSE and each have nice vehicles and not worry about gas money week to week.  I let him deal with that part, but I still find myself forking over a few bucks here and there just so I know he's got cash if he needs it....And I'm the one making 8.75an hour, 32 hours a week- not $16 an hour and 40+ a week.

Financial management is obviously not a strong suit for him.

Quoting chanizen:

The money. If he is making money at his hobby, bully for him.

If he is overspending, that is inexcusable. It will lead to financial ruin.

If he needs to get a second job to support himself.... As many artists do.... Off you go SO. Get a second job. Budget your money.

You will resent him if the finances do not improve. You should not be stressing over soap. Get the kid bar soap and a small bottle for shampoo.

Now that means either you are being control freaky about soap.... Or you are stressed over finances. I'm assuming the second.

Like I said to neverbeamom. No shared goals = no shared future.

It does not sound like he shares your financial goals. That is not a good sign. He may not want the same lifestyle. Not a good sign.

I bet you can do better.


Quoting ManicAttack:

Which part wouldn't you support?  The money part? 

Dissect it down to how you see this.  I seriously need to know how it looks from the outside.


Quoting chanizen:

Whoa. Sorry, but I would not support him.... Get another job SO or figure out your finances.



Run, forest, run.




chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 1, 2012 at 5:54 AM
1 mom liked this
Stop giving him money. Stop. You have become his new payday loan. He needs to be responsible. You are not a bank (are you)


Quoting ManicAttack:

His band is his second job.  It is also one of the stressers between us.  He loves his music and I do not want to force him out of it.  But I have tried to explain how I feel- like his band comes before anything else, then his son, then me.  And he HAS tried to work on that.  He's made a few sacrifices when it came to shows so that he didn't miss out on things we had planned.  

I don't stress over soap.  It was just one of those things that I notice that he DOESN'T notice.  I don't know if it's a woman thing, but it's like, if I don't comb over those sorts of needs, they aren't taken care off.  I hate nitpicking, but SS has bad skin, so he needs dye-free, scent free, soap-free moisture stuff.  He never used to take showers and baths at our place but now he does, so it was one more thing to remember.  SO probably didn't notice that after just two baths, SS had managed to use THE ENTIRE BOTTLE of soap.  I only noticed because I happened to glance down at it when I was cleaning and there was a smidge left in it.  It's that small stuff that adds up to stressing me out in the long run, though.

I think you're right- I don't believe we share the same future goals and that is half the problem.  I am not in a hurry to run off and get married, but I would like to have a HOUSE and each have nice vehicles and not worry about gas money week to week.  I let him deal with that part, but I still find myself forking over a few bucks here and there just so I know he's got cash if he needs it....And I'm the one making 8.75an hour, 32 hours a week- not $16 an hour and 40+ a week.

Financial management is obviously not a strong suit for him.


Quoting chanizen:

The money. If he is making money at his hobby, bully for him.



If he is overspending, that is inexcusable. It will lead to financial ruin.



If he needs to get a second job to support himself.... As many artists do.... Off you go SO. Get a second job. Budget your money.



You will resent him if the finances do not improve. You should not be stressing over soap. Get the kid bar soap and a small bottle for shampoo.



Now that means either you are being control freaky about soap.... Or you are stressed over finances. I'm assuming the second.



Like I said to neverbeamom. No shared goals = no shared future.



It does not sound like he shares your financial goals. That is not a good sign. He may not want the same lifestyle. Not a good sign.



I bet you can do better.





Quoting ManicAttack:

Which part wouldn't you support?  The money part? 

Dissect it down to how you see this.  I seriously need to know how it looks from the outside.



Quoting chanizen:

Whoa. Sorry, but I would not support him.... Get another job SO or figure out your finances.





Run, forest, run.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Jun. 1, 2012 at 5:56 AM

Yes, the Bank of I Always Have Extra Cash Stored In My Purse Somewhere Because I'm a Tightwad and Know We'll Need It At Some Point.

Quoting chanizen:

Stop giving him money. Stop. You have become his new payday loan. He needs to be responsible. You are not a bank (are you)


Quoting ManicAttack:

His band is his second job.  It is also one of the stressers between us.  He loves his music and I do not want to force him out of it.  But I have tried to explain how I feel- like his band comes before anything else, then his son, then me.  And he HAS tried to work on that.  He's made a few sacrifices when it came to shows so that he didn't miss out on things we had planned.  

I don't stress over soap.  It was just one of those things that I notice that he DOESN'T notice.  I don't know if it's a woman thing, but it's like, if I don't comb over those sorts of needs, they aren't taken care off.  I hate nitpicking, but SS has bad skin, so he needs dye-free, scent free, soap-free moisture stuff.  He never used to take showers and baths at our place but now he does, so it was one more thing to remember.  SO probably didn't notice that after just two baths, SS had managed to use THE ENTIRE BOTTLE of soap.  I only noticed because I happened to glance down at it when I was cleaning and there was a smidge left in it.  It's that small stuff that adds up to stressing me out in the long run, though.

I think you're right- I don't believe we share the same future goals and that is half the problem.  I am not in a hurry to run off and get married, but I would like to have a HOUSE and each have nice vehicles and not worry about gas money week to week.  I let him deal with that part, but I still find myself forking over a few bucks here and there just so I know he's got cash if he needs it....And I'm the one making 8.75an hour, 32 hours a week- not $16 an hour and 40+ a week.

Financial management is obviously not a strong suit for him.


Quoting chanizen:

The money. If he is making money at his hobby, bully for him.



If he is overspending, that is inexcusable. It will lead to financial ruin.



If he needs to get a second job to support himself.... As many artists do.... Off you go SO. Get a second job. Budget your money.



You will resent him if the finances do not improve. You should not be stressing over soap. Get the kid bar soap and a small bottle for shampoo.



Now that means either you are being control freaky about soap.... Or you are stressed over finances. I'm assuming the second.



Like I said to neverbeamom. No shared goals = no shared future.



It does not sound like he shares your financial goals. That is not a good sign. He may not want the same lifestyle. Not a good sign.



I bet you can do better.





Quoting ManicAttack:

Which part wouldn't you support?  The money part? 

Dissect it down to how you see this.  I seriously need to know how it looks from the outside.



Quoting chanizen:

Whoa. Sorry, but I would not support him.... Get another job SO or figure out your finances.





Run, forest, run.







chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 1, 2012 at 5:59 AM
1 mom liked this
Ha ha! There you go, momma! A little humor helps. Do you charge $3.00 like an ATM machine.... Maybe you should!


Quoting ManicAttack:

Yes, the Bank of I Always Have Extra Cash Stored In My Purse Somewhere Because I'm a Tightwad and Know We'll Need It At Some Point.


Quoting chanizen:

Stop giving him money. Stop. You have become his new payday loan. He needs to be responsible. You are not a bank (are you)





Quoting ManicAttack:

His band is his second job.  It is also one of the stressers between us.  He loves his music and I do not want to force him out of it.  But I have tried to explain how I feel- like his band comes before anything else, then his son, then me.  And he HAS tried to work on that.  He's made a few sacrifices when it came to shows so that he didn't miss out on things we had planned.  

I don't stress over soap.  It was just one of those things that I notice that he DOESN'T notice.  I don't know if it's a woman thing, but it's like, if I don't comb over those sorts of needs, they aren't taken care off.  I hate nitpicking, but SS has bad skin, so he needs dye-free, scent free, soap-free moisture stuff.  He never used to take showers and baths at our place but now he does, so it was one more thing to remember.  SO probably didn't notice that after just two baths, SS had managed to use THE ENTIRE BOTTLE of soap.  I only noticed because I happened to glance down at it when I was cleaning and there was a smidge left in it.  It's that small stuff that adds up to stressing me out in the long run, though.

I think you're right- I don't believe we share the same future goals and that is half the problem.  I am not in a hurry to run off and get married, but I would like to have a HOUSE and each have nice vehicles and not worry about gas money week to week.  I let him deal with that part, but I still find myself forking over a few bucks here and there just so I know he's got cash if he needs it....And I'm the one making 8.75an hour, 32 hours a week- not $16 an hour and 40+ a week.

Financial management is obviously not a strong suit for him.



Quoting chanizen:

The money. If he is making money at his hobby, bully for him.





If he is overspending, that is inexcusable. It will lead to financial ruin.





If he needs to get a second job to support himself.... As many artists do.... Off you go SO. Get a second job. Budget your money.





You will resent him if the finances do not improve. You should not be stressing over soap. Get the kid bar soap and a small bottle for shampoo.





Now that means either you are being control freaky about soap.... Or you are stressed over finances. I'm assuming the second.





Like I said to neverbeamom. No shared goals = no shared future.





It does not sound like he shares your financial goals. That is not a good sign. He may not want the same lifestyle. Not a good sign.





I bet you can do better.








Quoting ManicAttack:

Which part wouldn't you support?  The money part? 

Dissect it down to how you see this.  I seriously need to know how it looks from the outside.




Quoting chanizen:

Whoa. Sorry, but I would not support him.... Get another job SO or figure out your finances.







Run, forest, run.










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