Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

WOW, my heart actually aches for BM *update*

Posted by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 12:17 AM
  • 33 Replies
All her crazyness and drama aside I feel a gut wrenching pain for her. SO's and BM's 5yr old DD has not gone to her mom, well she did go and ended back @ our house with in an hour or so cuz she was going crazy crying to not be with her mom. She hasn't spent more then 2 hours with her mom in over 2 weeks. I feel really bad for BM my heart would be upside down and torn!!

On another not I do not understand why she isn't trying to figure out what could be so wrong that out of no where sd decides she no longer loves her mom (SD's words). It is very concerning. And BM blames us saying we told her not to go. That is not the case! BM has tried begging her and promising her Disney land trips, new toys, new clothes nope..nothing works!! We've asked over and over and all SD says, "I don't wanna go" we don't know why. She was taken out of her pre-k in May (by BM) to be put in daycare cuz BM was interning for medical assistant. But now she works @ a tire shop (new to us) and the goverment will no longer pay for child care so she doesn't go.. So lots of changes from mom's side..maybe that's it? Ahh.. Sad situation.

** 50/50 joint legal cust

*** update***
We finally got SD to go to BM's took candy, new toys, and a promise of a birthday party to get her to go. Phew! I needed a break! My SO took me to buy my new purse I've wanted in thanks to all the help! 3 weeks of non stop SM is hard when also dealing w/a death of an uncle and my second mom (grandma) @ the same time (uncle was gram's brother, he passed hours before my grandma) I'm beat!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 12:17 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
OregonMom80
by Silver Member on Jun. 7, 2012 at 12:37 AM

Has SO tried to figure it out?  When DSS started wanting to spend more and more time here, we tried to figure out what was going on - not to use it against BM, but we were worried.  He claims he just likes it here better and wants more time with his dad.  DH told DSS that he was glad he likes it here, he'd talk to BM about more time, but that it was good for him to spend time with both his parents.

Good luck!  Hope you guys can figure out what is going on!

2bkayleesmommy
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 1:17 AM
She won't tell us anything. He mom asks her and she pushes her mom away and tells her mom to go away.. So we don't know what's wrong


Quoting OregonMom80:

Has SO tried to figure it out?  When DSS started wanting to spend more and more time here, we tried to figure out what was going on - not to use it against BM, but we were worried.  He claims he just likes it here better and wants more time with his dad.  DH told DSS that he was glad he likes it here, he'd talk to BM about more time, but that it was good for him to spend time with both his parents.

Good luck!  Hope you guys can figure out what is going on!


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
zannahdeux
by Silver Member on Jun. 7, 2012 at 6:51 AM
1 mom liked this
I know the kid is young but maybe therapy? He is not happy about something...this is hard...they don't have words yet to explain how they feel....perhaps it's because he doesn't see his friends...try asking " if she could do anything, change anything, what would change your mind about seeing/being with mom, what woukd make you want to see her?" and see if that gets you anywhere
ROBIN-C
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:02 AM
1 mom liked this

 something is definatly wrong and needs to be figured out. yes i agree with therapy if you all cant figure it out quick.

ErinRenee815
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:24 AM
1 mom liked this

I would want to know what is going on for sure. Therapy is really tough at that age but something has to be done. I've never seen a child be so against going to a parent's house unless something very serious is going on. I think DH has a duty to figure it out. Keep us updated. 

Tryshx
by Bronze Member on Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:33 AM

A therapist can do play therapy at that age (SS is doing play therapy once a week), and even if they cannot pin point the problem your SD may feel better about whatever it is she is feeling... 

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:34 AM
1 mom liked this

She is showing signs of alienation.

BM and SD should get therapy, and SD should always go to BM's for BM's parenting time. Your boyfriend should tell her that she has to go to BM's. 

2bkayleesmommy
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 9:48 AM
We tell her! SO will say, " come on, u need to go to mama's house. You can come back okay, just go for a little" and she crys as if she's terrified. He mom will try to take her and she pulls away, we can't get her in the car! She nor he are making her go. Something is wrong! BM blames us.. We know that's not the case so we're concerned.


Quoting whatIknownow:

She is showing signs of alienation.

BM and SD should get therapy, and SD should always go to BM's for BM's parenting time. Your boyfriend should tell her that she has to go to BM's. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lilangilyn
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 9:50 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting whatIknownow:

She is showing signs of alienation.

BM and SD should get therapy, and SD should always go to BM's for BM's parenting time. Your boyfriend should tell her that she has to go to BM's. 

This. She needs to go to her mother's. It could be that she feels very powerful by crying in this way. Because after all, she has got all the adults worried and jumpin'. My grandson cries and cries every Friday when he comes to my house. When he realised that his parents are still going to leave him and that I will be nice to  him, he stops his tears. There is some separation anxiety going on with your SD.

Be very careful of how you speak about, discuss, or even your facial expression in matters concerning BM. Same for your husband.

It is always worrisome to see a child cry like this but her mom does not sound abusive.


 

lilangilyn
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 9:52 AM


Quoting 2bkayleesmommy:

We tell her! SO will say, " come on, u need to go to mama's house. You can come back okay, just go for a little" and she crys as if she's terrified. He mom will try to take her and she pulls away, we can't get her in the car! She nor he are making her go. Something is wrong! BM blames us.. We know that's not the case so we're concerned.


Quoting whatIknownow:

She is showing signs of alienation.

BM and SD should get therapy, and SD should always go to BM's for BM's parenting time. Your boyfriend should tell her that she has to go to BM's. 

IMO, it sounds like she is punishing BM for not having her all the time. If you are sure you are not alienating, then this is all about the child pushing away and rejecting a person for reason that are not clear to us as adults.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured