Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

The Jealous BM

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:38 AM
  • 123 Replies

It came to my attention a long time ago that when BM knew SO was struggling, she was all happy-go-lucky, didn't mind coming inside our "house" (POS trailer before), didn't mind picking SS up or dropping him off.  It was like she enjoyed seeing SO live in shitty circumstances even though it affected SS, too.

I noticed when we moved, that all changed.  She saw our new place twice- once because SS wanted to show her his new room, and again when SS asked her to.  After that, she started making SO meet up with her to drop SS off, or SO had to go pick SS up from her place.  She also started texting him or calling him to start fights.  We live near a strip mall in a nice area.  However, it's very traffic heavy outside our parking lot.  There's a bike trail that goes behind the strip mall and also a walking trail that goes down into the woods and over a creek behind our building.  BM texted SO one night, and said, "You better not be telling SS he can go riding behind that mall by himself."  "SS is NOT allowed to go walking by himself."  "I don't think it is safe for him to play outside by himself because of homeless people."  Seriously, one thing after another, and everything she would say were things that SO would very obviously never do.  SS didn't make things better by lying to her (which, he's a kid, and probably left details out) about what SO said he could and couln't do.  Like, walking to Walmart by himself.  Yet another fight.

She only started doing this when SO got on his feet, got his financial situation taken care of, and moved into a really nice place.  To me, it seemed as if she was/is bitter.  I do not understand why she wouldn't want SS's father to be able to provide him with a better and safer home.  I think it's jealousy or resentment.

Anyone else have to deal with a BM that is like this?

by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:38 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:51 AM
Bm was super peeved when dh and I bought our house. I know this bc she ran around and told everyone she could exactly how mad she was about it. I kind of felt bad bc she was making herself look really bad and most people were laughing at her behind her back. She was mad bc she said she had begged him to buy her a bigger house and he told her no and then we got a house together in a nice neighborhood in the city I grew up in. She tried to start sending him texts about how she still loved him and if he was a better father she would move with him and he wouldn't have to keep me around. It was then I started to not dislike her so as much as pity her. She must not have much confidence in herself if she relies on others to get her the things she's wants. I won't lie and say I didn't have a chuckle or two with dh when the texts started coming in but I felt bad watching her obvious grasping.
I don't think IMO it had anything to do with her really wanting dh back as much as what she thought he could offer her. She is repeating the same pattern with her boyfriend now. When she doesn't get what she wants she starts going a bit nuts and she flaunts his credit cards around when she is out. Sorry went on a bit of a tangent there and got a little off course. So anyway yeah been there.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
annabl1970
by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 2:00 AM
BM still can't get over the fact, she only gets money for SD, nothing for HER.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 2:02 AM

It's okay- I kinda went on a tangent, too.  lol.

I feel sorry for BM, as well.  She has had to have help with EVERYTHING she has- her home, her car, her bills, etc.  She hasn't earned anything all on her own.  She even went so far as to refuse to sign her and SO's house title over to him when they divorced, because she didn't want him to have anything nice.  Yet, she lost the house because she didn't make a SINGLE payment on it for over a year.  It was out of spite that she didn't want him to have it, even though she couldn't afford it on her own.

Her parents have bailed her out of most of the trouble she's been in financially.  They're well off and enable her to be a mooch.  While she IS a single mom, I don't think of her as a single mom because her parents are there at her beck and call.  I don't know what she will do when they are gone, to be honest.  She is reliant upon other people to take care of her and it is sad.  

I don't think she ever wanted SO back in all of her rage.  The only thing she wanted from him in the first place was to get knocked up and have a baby.  He was tricked into that (he was an idiot, he admits it but doesn't regret SS).  She's never made an attempt to get SO back but she's definitely enjoyed watching him when he's been down.  Now that he's not, she can't stand it.  It's annoying.  

Quoting MommySabs:

Bm was super peeved when dh and I bought our house. I know this bc she ran around and told everyone she could exactly how mad she was about it. I kind of felt bad bc she was making herself look really bad and most people were laughing at her behind her back. She was mad bc she said she had begged him to buy her a bigger house and he told her no and then we got a house together in a nice neighborhood in the city I grew up in. She tried to start sending him texts about how she still loved him and if he was a better father she would move with him and he wouldn't have to keep me around. It was then I started to not dislike her so as much as pity her. She must not have much confidence in herself if she relies on others to get her the things she's wants. I won't lie and say I didn't have a chuckle or two with dh when the texts started coming in but I felt bad watching her obvious grasping.
I don't think IMO it had anything to do with her really wanting dh back as much as what she thought he could offer her. She is repeating the same pattern with her boyfriend now. When she doesn't get what she wants she starts going a bit nuts and she flaunts his credit cards around when she is out. Sorry went on a bit of a tangent there and got a little off course. So anyway yeah been there.


hmccord
by Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 2:27 AM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like our BM! Well, sorta. As far as never earning anything on her own. Her parents have always bailed her out of everything, they still do. When DH and her divorced, she had toove home and they still clean up her messes.

I think she is jealous of our relationship. I was the first person he dated after they split up and we are now married. She used to tell people I was just a rebound girl, lol. DH jokes that I am his rebound wife. She begged him for about 4 years to marry her. DH and I dated for a year and got married 3 months later.

Unlike a few of the posts here, I don't feel pity for her. The stupid decisions she has made in her life have led her to where she is. I don't feel pity, I feel disgust. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help it.


Quoting ManicAttack:

It's okay- I kinda went on a tangent, too.  lol.

I feel sorry for BM, as well.  She has had to have help with EVERYTHING she has- her home, her car, her bills, etc.  She hasn't earned anything all on her own.  She even went so far as to refuse to sign her and SO's house title over to him when they divorced, because she didn't want him to have anything nice.  Yet, she lost the house because she didn't make a SINGLE payment on it for over a year.  It was out of spite that she didn't want him to have it, even though she couldn't afford it on her own.

Her parents have bailed her out of most of the trouble she's been in financially.  They're well off and enable her to be a mooch.  While she IS a single mom, I don't think of her as a single mom because her parents are there at her beck and call.  I don't know what she will do when they are gone, to be honest.  She is reliant upon other people to take care of her and it is sad.  

I don't think she ever wanted SO back in all of her rage.  The only thing she wanted from him in the first place was to get knocked up and have a baby.  He was tricked into that (he was an idiot, he admits it but doesn't regret SS).  She's never made an attempt to get SO back but she's definitely enjoyed watching him when he's been down.  Now that he's not, she can't stand it.  It's annoying.  


Quoting MommySabs:

Bm was super peeved when dh and I bought our house. I know this bc she ran around and told everyone she could exactly how mad she was about it. I kind of felt bad bc she was making herself look really bad and most people were laughing at her behind her back. She was mad bc she said she had begged him to buy her a bigger house and he told her no and then we got a house together in a nice neighborhood in the city I grew up in. She tried to start sending him texts about how she still loved him and if he was a better father she would move with him and he wouldn't have to keep me around. It was then I started to not dislike her so as much as pity her. She must not have much confidence in herself if she relies on others to get her the things she's wants. I won't lie and say I didn't have a chuckle or two with dh when the texts started coming in but I felt bad watching her obvious grasping.

I don't think IMO it had anything to do with her really wanting dh back as much as what she thought he could offer her. She is repeating the same pattern with her boyfriend now. When she doesn't get what she wants she starts going a bit nuts and she flaunts his credit cards around when she is out. Sorry went on a bit of a tangent there and got a little off course. So anyway yeah been there.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 6:53 AM
2 moms liked this

   "We live near a strip mall in a nice area."

   lol

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 7:08 AM

I think you might be reading jealousy into it. All the complaints that you are listing that she had are legitimate complaints based on the area you moved to (whether they are valid or not is another story, but they are legitimate complaints that someone might have, regardling inadequate supervision while living near homeless people and busy streets).

Where does BM live? Does she live in a nice area? 

lilangilyn
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 8:16 AM
1 mom liked this

It may be that she feels she is losing her grip now that you have moved. She realizes she has no say and this bugs her. I think reassuring her that the area is safe and that the child will be supervised closely is what is needed here.

In our case Hammy was nice until she felt that she was losing some of the control. Then she became evil. Her pupper, DH, got married, moved farther away, filed for custody, and grew some balls. He was no longer dependent on her for anything, including seeing SS.

So there could be some jealousy there over the move as far as your BM has lost her puppet.

lilangilyn
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 8:20 AM


Quoting baparrot2:

   "We live near a strip mall in a nice area."

   lol

I grew up in a very nice area. For fun we walked to the strip mall that was just beyond the school parking lot. There are several strip malls now in the area where I live as well as gas stations and I live in a ritsy area. Top school district in the area and low to no crime. New houses, great yards.

You must live in the country.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 8:27 AM
Feh. I wouldn't want my child unsupervised on a trail near a public parking lot....

If he were abducted, wtf would you say .... "oh, my mistake"....

And she may not be feeling jealous... She may just want to ensure that she has a say in raising her child and his safety. Or she may be having a bad life moment... Who knows.

I am never jealous of my ex's success. And I don't really suspect bm of being overly jealous of our home either.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 8:31 AM


Quoting chanizen:

Feh. I wouldn't want my child unsupervised on a trail near a public parking lot....

If he were abducted, wtf would you say .... "oh, my mistake"....

And she may not be feeling jealous... She may just want to ensure that she has a say in raising her child and his safety. Or she may be having a bad life moment... Who knows.

I am never jealous of my ex's success. And I don't really suspect bm of being overly jealous of our home either.

It's just strange when a SM jumps to the conclusion "she must be jealous", rather than "maybe her complaints are based on the actual circumstances and maybe they are valid."

Why would jealousy be the cause? The Dad moved from a trailer park to an area near a stip mall with homeless people, and Mom now has concerns relating directly to the new location. It just seems like an invention, to blame this on jealousy.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)