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need help and advice...my ss is pushing me over the edge!!!

Posted by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:11 AM
  • 26 Replies

My ss has been a major handful lately. We have basically the same recurring issues. I'm seeking advice on how to correct the problem and different strategies my husband and I can try to get the bad behavior to stop. I've been in my ss's life since he was 3. I stepped up initially and did some disciplining because I didn't feel his behavior was acceptable and is bm didn't discipline much and it doesn't seem like men worry as much about manners, etc. So the problem is my ss has had a major attitude. You can ask him a simple question and he may cop an attitude or roll his eyes and then respond with attitude. Since I can remember dinner every night has been a very irritating time for me. I cook out of neccessity. I don't mind doing it occasionally, but after working a long day and being on my feet all day cooking is the last thing i want to do, but I force myself so my husband and ss have a nice meal every night. Well every day as soon as my ss even sees the food he says he doesn't like it, even though i make different stuff all the time and hes usually never had it. I realize kids do this, but its rude and irritates me, its not just him saying that...he will whine and complain throughout the entire meal about every little thing. I find it very rude and disrespectful and i've had to put up with it for a long time. My husband may have said something once or twice, but that its. I'm sure it doesn't bother him as much or he doesn't take notice as much because i'm the one to just put the time and effort into making it. Recently it has gotten even worse. The past week when i put food in front of him at the dinner table he has been putting his head down and pouting and fussing, mumbling and whining. Hes pushing me over the edge with this. I yelled at him last night about it because I just finally snapped. Please give me any advice possible to help correct this behavior. I just don't know what to do!!!!:(

by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:14 AM

 cook more of what he likes. get him involved in the grocery list.

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:17 AM
1 mom liked this

Sometimes my SDs will complain about dinners...not much, but they do complain.  Fiance' and I tell them that's what was fixed, if they don't like it, they don't have to eat it.  BUT, there's no snacking or digging around for something else to eat and most of all, there's no dessert if they don't eat.

100% of the time they'll both shut their mouths and just eat their dinner.  I don't think your ss is complaining because he doesn't want to eat what's put in front of him...I think a lot of it is to whine and complain just because he can.

What does your DH do when he starts whining?

Mommy0505
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:42 AM
2 moms liked this
Your DH needs to back you up here. It is rude to complain about a meal-imagine them being at a friends house or having a guest over, it is not polite to do that. I usually go around the table asking everyone for a 1-10 rating on a new meal. That is their time to voice opinions. And we've worked on/corrected them during this time to teach them how to politely and respectfully do so. Saying "this is nasty" is wrong. Saying "I'm not a fan of this sauce" is ok. We encourage feedback, but it needs to be respectful.

Continous disrespect earns them time early to bed (5 min for each infraction). But your DH needs to be on the same page and be able to be your advocate on days when you're too tired/exhausted to handle this battle.
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LoriDeen
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 1:08 PM

Simple solution:  If he complains about the meal, just say, "If you don't like it, you can leave the table." If he asks about something else to eat, just tell him that he is welcome to make his own meal and that he can clean up his own dishes, etc. when he is done.

sammy1989
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 6:35 PM

i understand. everytime i cook my ss says eww before it even hits the table, if he doesnt he will say its spicy. he's just being a brat and i know that. i dont usually have to cook, so i stopped cooking all together the last time he did it. last weekend went to go see my dad and just let it all out, told my hubby what if we were at a friends and they cooked and he did to them what he does to me? i think it put in perspective, he's gotten more involved since then about it.

trebelcleff
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 7:43 PM

When my kids complain and whine, I calmly inform them that they can either eat what is there and be quite about it or they can not eat at all.  Then I remind them that they should be thankful that they have enough food to eat and dessert if they finish, and that not all kids get dessert or even enough food to make them full.  If they continue to whine and fuss about it, I just take it away and that's the end of dinner for them (we also don't do evening snack... dinner is the last opportunity to eat before breakfast).  It's a bit harsh, but my 2 yr old has only done it twice, and my 5 yr old has only done it once in his life (usually reminding him to be thankful works well).  I do take into consideration if they are particularly tired, and if they are I take the time to first remind them that I understand that they are tired but that they are still expected to be polite; after that warning I begin the other warning and then the consequence.

That being said, this isn't technically your child, so dad has to be completely on board AND has to help enforce the rules (if he stays silent, you are the only bad guy, which isn't fair to your relationship with ss).  

ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Jun. 14, 2012 at 8:03 PM
1 mom liked this

Stop cooking.  Make your DH cook.  Tell your DH you are no longer cooking meals.  He will figure it out.

SS used to do this, so I stopped telling them what was for dinner, and stopped eating at the kitchen table with them.  If SS didn't like it, he didn't have to eat or SO could make a sandwich for him.  Not sure how old your SS is, but I think between the ages of 5 and 12 kids generally hate anything their parents make for dinner just because they can.  SS says he doesn't like things he actually loves, because he is TRYING to test me.  I don't play into it anymore.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 14, 2012 at 8:04 PM


Quoting LoriDeen:

Simple solution:  If he complains about the meal, just say, "If you don't like it, you can leave the table." If he asks about something else to eat, just tell him that he is welcome to make his own meal and that he can clean up his own dishes, etc. when he is done.

I'm going with this.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 14, 2012 at 8:05 PM


Quoting baparrot2:

 cook more of what he likes. get him involved in the grocery list.

And this too.

Try this first, the LoriDeen's idea.

ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Jun. 14, 2012 at 8:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Your SS says things are spicy, too?!  What the heck!  I swear, EVERYthing is spicy to SS8.  He ate one of SO's Sour Patch Kids and said, "That's spicy."  SO had to explain to him it's not spicy- it's SOUR.  SS rolled his eyes and said, "Whatever, same thing."  

They get confused, I think, with the difference between what is spicy or strong, so everything is spicy.  Including toothpaste, gum, garlic flavors, etc.

Quoting sammy1989:

i understand. everytime i cook my ss says eww before it even hits the table, if he doesnt he will say its spicy. he's just being a brat and i know that. i dont usually have to cook, so i stopped cooking all together the last time he did it. last weekend went to go see my dad and just let it all out, told my hubby what if we were at a friends and they cooked and he did to them what he does to me? i think it put in perspective, he's gotten more involved since then about it.


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