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Difficult and venting..... kinda long

Posted by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 5:02 PM
  • 20 Replies

What to do and what I do.....LOL    I'm sure that doesn't make much sense. Let me explain what goes on in my house everyday. 

First, so everything makes sense, let me tell you who lives her and where they are located. Its me and my SO, my mom, my sd 11, and my dds 10 and 6. My SO and I have our room and bathroom, my mom has a room and the girls (all of them) share a room.  There is another bathroom in the hall. 

Every morning my SO and my mom leave for work around 6. All of the girls sleep till 7:30 - 9. I dont usually wake them since it is summer. The little one is always first up and first to bed. 

As they get up they will have breakfast in the kitchen. After that they will watch tv, play in their room or living room. They are allowed to have time on the computer with permission only and only one at a time. They can also go outside for the trampoline or bikes. Sometimes we will go to the lake at the end of our street and swim. I try to take them out some place everyday. 

We have lunch, then snacks and then I cook dinner to be ready at 6:45 when everyone comes home for the evening. 

Most days things are pretty ok. The girls pick at each other sometimes but nothing I would say isn't normal. They argue over toys and whose turn it is. And sometimes the program on tv. Nothing is ever serious and I settle it pretty quickly. 

Knowing all of this you would think its pretty great around here. And for the most part it is. UNTIL DADDY COMES HOME!

This is what happens when my sd is here. She waits for an opportunity to get him alone and tell lies. She told him Monday that her and my oldest were fighting over who belongs in what bed. I had already settled the fight but she wasn't satisfied and told him so. It turned into a 3 hour fight between him and her dragging up stuff from years ago before I even knew either of them.

Tuesday morning I told all 3 of them that there will be no bullshit when daddy gets home tonight. I am not spending 3 hours listening to them fight. She told him I called her a shit-head and I am spending all night with daddy and she better be quiet.

Everyday is like this. He knows she is telling all lies and calls her out on it but it still ruins our evenings. When I talk to him on the way home he is already stressed out asking what she could possibly make up tonight and start a problem with. She leaves on Sunday but will be here for almost all of July. He is totally stressed about that.

So......What to do?

What I have done: I dont let her use her cell phone. She can not text or talk to anyone until daddy gets home. And then she is not allowed to delete any messages (this is checked online) and she has to have all conversations in front of him. She has lost the privilege to ride in the front seat of the car. She has to go to bed at the same time as the other girls.

by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 5:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jun. 14, 2012 at 5:24 PM

How much 1-1 time does your SO spend with his DD?  Sounds to me that she's looking for attention.  Any attention to a kid is attention, even if it's negative.  If he doesn't spend a whole lot of time with her 1-1, then maybe he could try and set aside some dad/daughter time with her.

selene_odin
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 5:31 PM

He has to end it. The second she starts, he has to stop and tell her that with her history of lying, he's reluctant to believe what she says. Losing trust is easy, getting it back is the hard part and she will have to earn that trust back. When things go wrong in this house, I believe the one who isn't known for lying about anything and everything. There have been times when the liar has been telling the truth and became very upset when not believed. Oh well. Develop a habit of lying, then people don't believe you when you're telling the truth.

mrsboomtastic
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 5:48 PM
1 on 1

Has anyone asked why she lies? is she like this at moms?

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housemommyto2
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 6:04 PM

 When he picks her up from her moms, they have about 3-4 hours to drive home and have dinner alone. Then she is here with everyone for the weekend. The younger two go to bed 30 minutes before her so she can "snuggle" with daddy on the sofa and talk just the two of them. He is gone from the house 12 hours a day for work, so he doesnt take her alone on the weekends to do things because he wants to spend time with all the children. He does give her extra attention though when we do go places. She will sit next to him and take over most of the conversations.

 

We have asked her why she lies and she says she doesnt. Even when we know she is and have proved it. She will change the subject or just start crying and blaming other people. Yes, she is like this at moms house. Her mom encourages her to lie for her benefit. She has done this for the last two years that I know.

We have told her we can no longer believe her because we dont know what is a lie and what isnt. She says she doesnt care and she wants to go back to moms right now.

....ClvrScn.
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 6:07 PM
My SD is our liar, but Ds is starting to pick up on it - she lies to get Ds in trouble.

Dh sends her to bed - she's 4 so this still works - good luck
DDDaysh
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 2:48 PM

He's not spending enough time with her, some serious 1 on 1 time not just paying a bit more attention when you're all together.  

How long have you guys been together?  

housemommyto2
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 1:59 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting DDDaysh:

He's not spending enough time with her, some serious 1 on 1 time not just paying a bit more attention when you're all together.  

How long have you guys been together?  

 She gets about 5 hours un-interupted per weekend. Honestly I think that is pretty fair. I understand she is not around everyday of the week and needs to make up for it when she is here, but he doesn't have the time to give the other children 5 hours un-interrupted per week. And they are here all week. I don't believe children need quantity, just quality.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 21, 2012 at 2:19 PM


Quoting sandeeyo:

How much 1-1 time does your SO spend with his DD?  Sounds to me that she's looking for attention.  Any attention to a kid is attention, even if it's negative.  If he doesn't spend a whole lot of time with her 1-1, then maybe he could try and set aside some dad/daughter time with her.

I was going to say pretty much this^^

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 21, 2012 at 2:21 PM


Quoting housemommyto2:

 

Quoting DDDaysh:

He's not spending enough time with her, some serious 1 on 1 time not just paying a bit more attention when you're all together.  

How long have you guys been together?  

 She gets about 5 hours un-interupted per weekend. Honestly I think that is pretty fair. I understand she is not around everyday of the week and needs to make up for it when she is here, but he doesn't have the time to give the other children 5 hours un-interrupted per week. And they are here all week. I don't believe children need quantity, just quality.

Are the other children his kids too? Because if they're not his kids there would be no reason he would need to give them 1 on 1 time too.

And I do think children need "quantity." Not just quality.

housemommyto2
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 2:32 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting whatIknownow:

 

Quoting housemommyto2:

 

Quoting DDDaysh:

He's not spending enough time with her, some serious 1 on 1 time not just paying a bit more attention when you're all together.  

How long have you guys been together?  

 She gets about 5 hours un-interupted per weekend. Honestly I think that is pretty fair. I understand she is not around everyday of the week and needs to make up for it when she is here, but he doesn't have the time to give the other children 5 hours un-interrupted per week. And they are here all week. I don't believe children need quantity, just quality.

Are the other children his kids too? Because if they're not his kids there would be no reason he would need to give them 1 on 1 time too.

And I do think children need "quantity." Not just quality.

 For all intent purposes, they are his children. He is raising them as the only father they know. And for the quantity, I don't think sitting in the same room silently doing your own thing is the same as interacting and enjoying each other.

Also, we are trying to blend our families. I know this is sometimes difficult, but we try. She is not my child, however would it be right for my mother to not include her when she takes the grandchildren out? Or when she buys small gifts? I don't think dividing the his and mine will make for a happy life.

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