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what do you do when bm has no rules..no consequences for kids actions..and so fourth..

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 9:58 PM
  • 4 Replies

i have 2 bio kids..who have to deal with concequences for there actions. like if grades are bad there grounded....my kids mind there manners..and know they will be grounded if they do something wrong..they have a set bed time and a time when they have to be home...and chores they have to do ( like dishes or scoop litter ) BUT my 2 sds who are just about the same age do not get in trouble at all.. bm is never around so she sees groundation as pointless ( shes in training classes ) the kids are failing school and all bm says is do your work...they dont.. the kids swear up a storm and im talking about them calling her stuff.. ( mom your being a bi%^^...mom you sound like an ass^&... mom boyfriend # 8  isa douchbag...mom go f yourself ) they disrespect stuff like funiture.. and this is only some stuff..now sds are 12 and 13 ( almost 13 and 14 ) and bm dosent care dh trys to talk to her like about there grades and taken cellphones away till there grades go up..she wont...or tell her i dont think daughter b should go to the slumber party because....and agin bm will not give the kids concequences at all. bm allowed her 13 yr old to date a 17 yr old and allow them to hang out while she was out ( found out they hung out in 13 yrs olds bedroom. ( no sex but making out ) dh flipped out when he found out. she wont listen..and dh feels at a loss. he says hard to co parent when the other wont talk or take a step in the parenting direction..and the boyfriend # 8 not a lie...in 1 yrs time. she meets guys at school hooks up with them moves them into her home..cheats on them ( me and sd's have witnessed this everytime ) its common to hear " mom are u cheating on so and so..again.."  or arnt u still with so and so..and this is coming from the kids! i dont know what to do or to tell dh anymore. then i listen to my bio dd who says mom we got introuble for the samething why isent she grounded like me she gets to go out or have her cell phone..then when i expliane to dd what happends with her actions she knows understands takes her punishments and life moves on. its hard for me as well to deal with this. all kids go to the same school...are bestfriends ( thank god ) and at times screw up the sameway ( grades ) but my dd has concequences...any ideas or information..thoughts..advice...hugs even....stressing about this badly....sigh.....

by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 9:58 PM
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Replies (1-4):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2012 at 10:01 PM
2 moms liked this

You can't make her parent like you do.  If skids are in a bad situation then DH shoudl go for custody.  If it is just things you don't agree with then you should leave it alone.

rose0919
by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 10:19 PM

that sounds like bm home too.  dh has ground rules in our home . if ss fails in school he has consequence at our home because to bm its not a big  deal. we have eowe. dh has no fear to punish ss on his time . if he swears at our home he is punished , we dont care what happens at bms. but do care what happens here. 

Hethrjo
by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 10:55 PM

Yes, this sucks!  My sd only sees her bm once a month so I understand why she let's her do whatever she wants.  But at the same time, it's like, come on!  I tell my sd, ok, you are home now.  This is how it is here and these are the rules, you know them so stick to em!  She has tried a few times to cry for her bm when she gets in trouble, but I say, you are here with us.  Bm does not live here and you are still in trouble.  It's a long hard road with things but I just keep thining about how she will be when she's a teenager and it really makes me stick to it and stay consistent!  I hope you figure it out, just try giving them some one on one time with them.  Out doors stuff (if they like that sort of thing)  but I get my daughter out as much as possible and she just loves it! = )

mama33789
by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 11:04 PM

BM who are insecure tend to use this behavior pattern. By showing how cool and compromising they are they like to be the fun and cool and easy parent. Who cares if the children turn out to be a failure eventually. At least she was cool and was successful in alienating the kids from their bd

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