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Need help...Am I over reacting??

Posted by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 6:43 PM
  • 9 Replies

Hello, My name is Mariza, I just got married in about 4 months ago. And I feel like giving quits all ready. My husband has three daughters 14,11,9 I have a Boy 12, and 7 girl. Large family!!! Dated him for 3 yrs. Everything use to be smooth but know being married table turned. Their mother has being manipulating them verry well. I feel like a picture frame on the wall. My husband gets them every wknd or when they want to. Whats worse is my kids are the ones being more affective. For example if I ask them to help me with something they wont do it unless their dad tells them. The little one like to play with my 7 yr old but she says her mom tells her that she is bad influence especially bc they r different religion. I approach some thing to my husband but  all he tells me is that I can never understand bc I have my children with me 24hrs and he only has them on weekends. But it is getting agrevating for me bc I cant decide to go somewhere alone bc he puts his daughters as an excuse. Mine are not the problem my kids can go to my parents house. My ex husband died when I was pregnant on my 7 yr old. His  9yr old tells me some thing that their mom tells them that I am their maid thats why their dad married me. Also to give me a hard time and to be rude. Im not a bad person I consider my self nice, loving, caring person. I like to have thing organized, and I kind of old school. I dont belive in 10 yr old with cell phones. I like to to reward kids with thier good actions and help. Not on asking and giving for no reason. Please advice Im getting supper stressed out.

by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 6:43 PM
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Replies (1-9):
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jun. 18, 2012 at 6:52 PM

Everything was fine until you got married?  Are you sure?  I can't see things just all of a sudden turning a complete 180 in just 4 months.  How were the kids before?  Did they listen to you before you married their dad?

by Le Bonjour Chat on Jun. 18, 2012 at 6:54 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh, and if your DH wants to let his kids do whatever because he only sees them on weekends, then have HIM take care of them.  Have him clean up after them, take them places, etc.  Do for yourself and your kids.  If he won't back you up when you want his kids to help out and clean or pick up after themselves, then leave it to him to clean up after them.

by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 7:13 PM

Thanks for replying..  Before being married I was only around my BF on wkdns only. So all we had was fun. But they r use to having their dad 100%. Besides he always cleaned up for them. Now that we r married I tell him that they r young ladies and they need to clean up their own things. Now that he get on to them and not in an ugly way they blame me bc they say that I have changed their dad. They just dont realiyze that they r not babies no more. So they complain to mom and who knows what all she tells them to do to me. My husband has been divorced for 8 yrs. and I think had 2 other relationships but he never married none. So I think that their BM is mad she is still single.Yes I told him he needs to help me with the mess bc they do make allot of mess. For ex: like babies trash in under the sofas, no flushing toilets. when they eat a roman noodle soup they will use the good china and leave it on the table. I tell them to put it i the sink and they laugh and say I'll put it when I want too. and they never do.

by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 7:18 PM

I would be talking to my husband about this. If they are going to be a part of your home at all, then they need to respect you as an authoritarian (i.e. if you ask them to do something, they should, respectfully). He needs to tell his children to treat you properly, as you are his wife.

Ineffective? Try what the other mom said and when they are there, you and your kids do your bit, and let him deal with his kids. You wanna go somewhere? Take your kids to mom's and have your "you time" and let him deal with his kids at home. They don't help clean up? Then you only clean up what mess you and your kids make, and let him deal with the rest.

Best of luck mama ... stepping in to this type of family dynamic can be VERY hard and takes ALL parents involved to make the blending successful.

by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 8:14 PM

 sorry your going through this but unless your DH lays down the law they are going to keep behaving that way twords you. these kids seem old enough to know they should respect other people. I dont understand why your DH allows this behavior. If your DH is not willing to put the work in I dont think you should be cleaning partening ETC......

I think you need to sit him down and let him know what you feel. Best wishes.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 8:35 PM


by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 10:39 PM

Thank for all of you'll advise. I will take it in consideration. hugs

by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 2:47 PM

Sorry you're going through this.  Your DH does have to put his foot down, but I can tell you that when I was a teen and SM came on board and wanted to change the house rules it did not go well.  Maybe talk to DH about easing into it?  Sure, they should help around the house, but if DH has allowed them to do nothing, slamming them with a bunch of new rules at once is going to lead to rebellion.

If DH feels EOWE is so little time that they shouldn't have chores, I can sort of see his point because it IS little time, but then he should be the one to clean up after them.  DH has DSS clean his room up now, but if he forgets before he goes back to BM's, I don't touch it.  I shove it all in DSS's room and close the door.  He can either come back over to the mess or DH can clean it up, but either way it isn't my problem.

by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 3:45 PM

I think you overlooked everything, and now that you are married, you are starting to see things the way they are. Sometimes we enter relationships blindly. I would have a sit down heart to heart with DH.

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