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Custody Confusion..?

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 3:55 PM
  • 22 Replies

I see many posts about custody, and am greatly confused.

My friend is having a lot of issues, which has stirred up my questions. Plus, my mind wonders about things I don't know, and luckily you fine ladies out here seem to have the answers :)

Hypothetical Situation.
Dad has sole custody because Mom was proven unfit and danger to children.
-Is there a grace period where she has time to clean up her act (like if she gets herself straight in a year, she gets full custody back)?
-If mom up and decides she wants custody again, do the courts give it to her automatically, because she's Mom?
-What if she only had visitation, and didn't fight anything for years... Then suddenly she decides she wants custody and support. Would the courts see through that, or would they actually grant it to her?
-Who has the tougher battle to fight: Dad who already has sole custody, or Mom who wants custody?
-Will the courts actually leave solebcustody with the Dad permenently if he is a good parent, or will they go from full to 50/50?

Obviously my questions revolve around Dad's having full custody, and why/how it changes when the mother was proven to be unfit.

Any thoughts/ stories/ insider info would be greatly appreciated!

 

by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 3:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Dana333810
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 3:56 PM
Ask yesmaam. She knows everything!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Refurbished
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 3:58 PM

Once custody is established, there has to be a significant change in circumstances.  Mom would have to clean up her act definitely, but there has to be more.  She can't just show up out of the blue and win custody if she hasn't even had contact.  If she cleans up her act, she would have a chance at getting regular visitation.  If she exercises her visitation, participates in the child's life, and there is a change in the circumstances at dad's home, such as the child failing school, getting into trouble, dad not providing basic needs, mom might have a chance at full custody. 

ShannaBee
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:00 PM

From what i understand, custody is never permanent. At any given time, one parent can take the other to court to try and gain custody. It is up to the judge to change or keep custody.

Mom will not automatically get custody just because she is mom. The judge may grant her supervised and work her way up to unsupervised and if she proved she has changed, their is a chance that in the future she may be able to get custody.The judge will deem what is best for the child.

rebeccasmly
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:05 PM

Once there is a custody order in place, it is very hard to change. There will have to be hard proof that Visitation can be increased over time but to change custody, that's quite a bit harder.

This is how it is here though. It may be different in other areas.

needsupport100
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:10 PM

in my state, once custody is established, it's HARD to get changed untill there are die hard reasons such as unfit parent, etc.

it's hard to determine what the courts will do, it's usually a case by case decision and depends on the judge, it coudl be a judge having a bad day, or one that's pro mom or pro dad, etc

Brattzilla
by Member on Jun. 19, 2012 at 5:03 PM

 Hypothetical Situation.
Dad has sole custody because Mom was proven unfit and danger to children.
-Is there a grace period where she has time to clean up her act (like if she gets herself straight in a year, she gets full custody back)? I dont think so
-If mom up and decides she wants custody again, do the courts give it to her automatically, because she's Mom? NO
-What if she only had visitation, and didn't fight anything for years... Then suddenly she decides she wants custody and support. Would the courts see through that, or would they actually grant it to her? They will probably laugh at her, and tell her to get lost
-Who has the tougher battle to fight: Dad who already has sole custody, or Mom who wants custody?- MOM (dad already proved himself FIT to be a responsible parent)

Will the courts actually leave solebcustody with the Dad permenently if he is a good parent, or will they go from full to 50/50?  I think changing custody at this point, would be a really long shot &  very unlikely

RubyLu
by Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 9:47 AM

Thank you all for your insight! It's been a help!!

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 9:52 AM
1 mom liked this

SS's were taken from BM last May because of her drinking.  DH got temp custody, BM got supervised visits.  She went through all the classes CPS required and was able to get the supervised dropped.  The case went to a judge in December and they didn't want to go back because of her abusive husband.  The judge agreed that her home was not a fit place for them and DH kept custody.  

Now there would have to be a change in circumstance AND the kids wanting to go back in order for her to get custody.  Unti lthen, she threatens contempt every chance she gets.

RubyLu
by Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 10:08 AM

That sounds like a pain:S
So did your DH get the temp custody orders set to perm custody? Or did it stay as temp custody?

We have the issue of contempt pop up every once in a great while. She requested a year ago to lessen her time as court ordered to eowe, because she "needed her time" (her words, she had ewe). But now she tries to get random days, when it is convenient for her through the week. But DH says no because kids are now in full time preschool. I worry that he will be held in contempt even though she is the one that pushed for eowe. Such a headache!

Quoting WifeyC:

SS's were taken from BM last May because of her drinking.  DH got temp custody, BM got supervised visits.  She went through all the classes CPS required and was able to get the supervised dropped.  The case went to a judge in December and they didn't want to go back because of her abusive husband.  The judge agreed that her home was not a fit place for them and DH kept custody.  

Now there would have to be a change in circumstance AND the kids wanting to go back in order for her to get custody.  Unti lthen, she threatens contempt every chance she gets.


WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 10:10 AM

It became permanent in December.  She also got less than DH offered if she would have settled outside of court.

Quoting RubyLu:

That sounds like a pain:S
So did your DH get the temp custody orders set to perm custody? Or did it stay as temp custody?

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