Not actually a step mom cause were not married but...

[salinamarie]

I'm 20 about to be 21 in september. He has three kids already and we have a 7month old. the kids are girl (8yrs) boy(7yrs) girl(4yrs). They are a handful! I think i am too mean to them at times but idk. I still care for them like they were mine but don't really like when they come around (sometimes) is that bad?

Any advice about anything will help lol.

[dallas4nu]

How often does he have them? How long have you been together? All depends on your situation. It's hard to let your guard down especially as a SM. And it'll take time and I hate to say it, but you'll constantly be wondering where you fit in in their lives. But they r also tryin to figure out where u fit in to their lives as well.
Hang in there, what your feeling is normal right now IMO.
Oh, and try not to let the mean sm/bms bother you. (On this site) They are bound to reply w/ some nasty comments. Just FYI! Lol ;-)

[salinamarie]

They come over through out the week like3-4 days and like two weekends out the month. He works from 400pm to 430am so I am stuck with them pretty much all day, and trying to take care of my 7month old. we've been together for 1yr and 4months. Yes i think about that all the time, and they have tried to get away with things in the beginning lol but he (their dad) put them in there place lol, and now I threaten to whoop em.

lol thanks for the heads up, I know people are going to say a lot of negative things smh.

[Mommy4000]

It's hard to just want to step in and automatically take on the role of caring for 3 children that aren't yours, especially when you do have your own to take care of. I understand wanting the peace and quiet of just you, the baby, and your SO. I don't have any advice at the moment, but wanted to say, don't beat yourself up for not being over joyed at the thought of them coming over.

[salinamarie]

lol thanks. I thought I was the only one that felt that way. Don't get me wrong there wonderful but I just wish he didn't have any kids sometimes. Other than ours. But he is an awesome father to all of his kids and I know he wouldn't have the experience that he has now without them.

[LyndaLoo78]

I think the wishing your SO didn't have any children but the off spring in common and the dread associated with skid visitation often stems from unspoken resent ment of the part of the SM or BF's partner. This resentment is bred by the fact that you are left caring for children who are not yours, not your responsibility, and who essentially are not visiting the home to spend time with you but with their BF who is not even there. At least that is how it was for me. I stepped back and gave the responsibility back to xh, I made plans to be out and that required xh to be home and actually spend time with his child or make different arrangements. I would suggest you step back a bit and require that your SO do more and be present more frequently or make a new plan. This may help ease the resentment you feel and you may find you enjoy his children's visit more than you do now. No one enjoys a burden, and no one likes a martyr, so change the way you are doing things or the negativity will grow. Best of luck.

[Steamedpuddle30]

Please dont take this the wrong way or as a bash but if you cared for them like "they were yours" you wouldn't want them "gone" Sometimes.

[Steamedpuddle30]

I think you feel Like this bc your bf and BM are letting you do the grunt work. At your age,that must be tough. I take that back! At any age it would be tough! Lol.

I think your bf needs to be w his kids a bit more And maybe work our somethin that makes it work around your bf's work schedule?like of he's at work,BM gets them? But of its his days w the kiddos,but you are with them,I can totally see how it is hard.

Btw im a BM 2 dds 9&10 and sm to stepsons 12&16. I have felt like this plenty of times. Even now!:)lol. But I think you need to try to get away of possible? Or spend more time with just your kid.

Don't worry about the bashing,I promise you some say it bc they were where u r now,and want you to be happy in life,not resent the skids. Most come from good places but it does help if your SO did all the work w his kids. I know I did Way too much w my skids at thr beginning. Still do usually..

GL!

[Steamedpuddle30]

Hugs btw! thats a hard situation and a lot of kiddos running around. ESP. At your age:) I'm 31. But could have never handled skids at 20.

[ripemango]

i think it's going to take time really build a bond with them (I'd be glad they aren't teens yet and hating you)

I would suggest trying to do things together when they are there and your husband is not. Get out of the house Go to the park, see what the libraries in your community are doing when the kids come. Have fun...they'll respond to that and look forward to seeing you more. I bet you will too. Loving children doesn't happen over night and it's ok if it takes time.

[salinamarie]

Yes he would love to be with them more but he has to work, I understand and sometimes try to think of the positives. When he sees that I am too tired or overwhelmed he'll tell his cousin to come over and help. And i'm not too worried about the bashing/negative responses, They don't know me or what I am going through on top of this so.

Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

I think you feel Like this bc your bf and BM are letting you do the grunt work. At your age,that must be tough. I take that back! At any age it would be tough! Lol.

I think your bf needs to be w his kids a bit more And maybe work our somethin that makes it work around your bf's work schedule?like of he's at work,BM gets them? But of its his days w the kiddos,but you are with them,I can totally see how it is hard.

Btw im a BM 2 dds 9&10 and sm to stepsons 12&16. I have felt like this plenty of times. Even now!:)lol. But I think you need to try to get away of possible? Or spend more time with just your kid.

Don't worry about the bashing,I promise you some say it bc they were where u r now,and want you to be happy in life,not resent the skids. Most come from good places but it does help if your SO did all the work w his kids. I know I did Way too much w my skids at thr beginning. Still do usually..

GL!