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Missing skids :(

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 5:56 AM
  • 9 Replies

so my dsd has a facebook page, that she keeps up to date on and everything. right now her crazy mom is out of town. normally when crazy lady is home she doesn't let the kids talk to us. so i told dh this was our chance to try and communicate to dsd.

so my question is, should we make a facebook profile page so we could keep in touch with her, and see how she is doing? my dsd isn't speaking to her father and i because her bio mom has brainwashed her, and she has put negative thoughts in all my skids head. so that's why right at this point i think its best we communicate to her while we have the chance *but im a little nervous about it, because once dh writes her she might block him, (they blocked me from there facebook pages, but it should be different for my dh, i hope) i just really want dh to see how his daughter is doing because i miss her, and i know he does too.

what should we do?

any advice would be great! ;)

 

XoX

by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 5:56 AM
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Replies (1-9):
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 6:02 AM
Why don't you pursue having visitation? How old is sd?

I don't know. The fake profile thing doesn't seem like a great idea.
sailormoon1
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 6:05 AM

we actually don't live in the same state as the kids. sd is 15

it wouldn't be a fake profile, it'd be my mines and dh's page together strictly for communicating with the kiddos

Quoting chanizen:

Why don't you pursue having visitation? How old is sd?

I don't know. The fake profile thing doesn't seem like a great idea.


chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 6:09 AM
Quoting sailormoon1:


. If you are upfront about who you are, it sounds like you will be blocked. And if you are not, then you will be asking sd to lie to her mom. I just don't see that ending well. Don't you have a co for visitation? Perhaps it needs to be extended so that skype or phone calls are allowed since you live out of state.
sailormoon1
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 6:14 AM

your right. yes he has a co, and is paying cs monthly. i agree with that too. how would we go about that though? would we need to hire a lawyer?

Quoting chanizen:

Quoting sailormoon1:


. If you are upfront about who you are, it sounds like you will be blocked. And if you are not, then you will be asking sd to lie to her mom. I just don't see that ending well. Don't you have a co for visitation? Perhaps it needs to be extended so that skype or phone calls are allowed since you live out of state.


chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 6:52 AM
Most likely you would need a lawyer, momma. But you could probably file for a revision of the co yourself.

I haven't don't that but maybe one of the other ladies can offer advice.

I know it's sad when bf and bm aren't able to establish something themselves... Although has he asked? ( You never know).

Quoting sailormoon1:

your right. yes he has a co, and is paying cs monthly. i agree with that too. how would we go about that though? would we need to hire a lawyer?


Quoting chanizen:


Quoting sailormoon1:


. If you are upfront about who you are, it sounds like you will be blocked. And if you are not, then you will be asking sd to lie to her mom. I just don't see that ending well. Don't you have a co for visitation? Perhaps it needs to be extended so that skype or phone calls are allowed since you live out of state.




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ArmyWife0606
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 7:17 AM

I would say hire a lawyer.  DH's CO says that BM cannot prevent communication between DH and his daughter. Although, I'm not sure how your situation would be handled since you SD is 15 and is choosing not to communicate. There is also something called "parent alienation" where one parent talks poorly about the other therefore causing the child to view the parent in a bad light. We are dealing with this in court right now. May be something to discuss with a lawyer. Again, not sure how they'd handle it since you SD is older.  GL momma!

army       teen girl          toddler boy           baby in sling

Army Wife, step-mom to 11y/o girl, and momma to 3y/o & 9mo boys









Refurbished
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 8:03 AM

It kind of sent up a red flag to me that you are saying that BM is the "crazy lady" but the kids are blocking you guys and that they are "brainwashed."  That may well be true, but I kind of sense from the way that you worded it that you aren't seeing things from anyone's point of view but your own.  Have you asked the kids how they feel?  Have you asked the kids why they blocked you? 

Playing devil's advocate here, is there anything that you and DH are doing that BM and the kids find so unacceptable that they feel they need to block you?  Can you compromise and make adjustments so that everyone in this situation can be more comfortable?  Are you stepping into mom's roll and making them uncomfortable?  Are you both willing to make any compromises?

You could get a lawyer and enforce the visitation, but really, visitation is about having a relationship with the kids.  It sounds like you need to figure out what you and DH can do to repair the relationship.

Quoting sailormoon1:

we actually don't live in the same state as the kids. sd is 15

it wouldn't be a fake profile, it'd be my mines and dh's page together strictly for communicating with the kiddos

Quoting chanizen:

Why don't you pursue having visitation? How old is sd?

I don't know. The fake profile thing doesn't seem like a great idea.



TempestRayne
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:17 PM

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:44 PM

Maybe dad needs a FB, since you have already been blocked. I understand you miss her but at this point it sounds like dad and daughter need to open communication first. I do think you need to hire a lawyer to enforce the CO. But until DSD decideds she wants to talk to you, you may need to back off and let DH fix the relationship

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