so summer vacation is here (today was the last day of school) and of course bm and dh didn't make a plan ahead of time (even though I picked up 2 sets of community magazines full of different summer programs instead of day care. So...now they're arguing because bm wants dh to switch his schedule and he can't do everything she wants and I over hear them yelling (on the phone) about me? wtf does this have to do with me? I didn't have this kid. I love this kid for sure, but you bet if she was my kid she would have been enrolled in a summer enrichment camp 2 months ago. how do you handle this personally? I know there"s nothing to "handle" i just mean like...it hurts my feelings, i hear them arguing and its about me when this has nothing to do with me. Ouch. what do you do to not be bothered by this?
First summer DH and I were married, I shared all my research on summer gigs with DH and he shared with BM. And I too was something for BM to bitch about.
In hindsight, I'm sure she took it as me overstepping/overinfluencing DH. Plus I'm sure she thought I was judging her. Truth is, I was judging both of them for not doing more to enrich their kids lives.
Deal with the one and only thing you have some control over. Your husband.
Oh and get out of earshot when they are on the phone together. I remember the day I decided to do that. What I dont know, doesnt hurt me. Very hard to do, but well worth it.
Quoting Dana333810:
Very true! Kinda hard to be upset about bullcrap conversations if you are in the dark about what is said!
Here's a typical phone call night:
*he gets off the phone with HER, and I know my name has been in the convo*
Me: "so why is she bringing my name up"
DH: "I dunno"
Me: "No, I heard it. what did she say?"
DH: " fine, she said you were the bitch that is making me do this"
Me: "WHAT?!!!!! ummmmm...but, I didnt hear you tell her that it isnt me who is doing this! WTF"
Now, me and DH are fighting. The fight will not end until he calls her back and sets her straight because it is important to me that she doesnt get the wrong idea about what is going on here. and, had he told her that EMPHATICALLY, to where *I* could hear it, me and him would not be disgruntled at each other now.
BTW, the whole hypothetical exchange above took about two hours in reality. While my DD was watching TV. Oblivious to what is really going on but never the less, I could have been reading her a book in her room. And the day I finally got the dynamics of these phone call fights that resulted in him and I having a knock down, was the day I quit.
Dh: can i get cj tonight?
Bm: not if that white trash crack whore is there.
Dh: i wanna see my son.
Bm: get rid of your wife then!
And dh would tell me all this stuff, and I'd get ticked off at him for not sticking up for me. Would be mad at both of them all night.
Had I just kept my nose on my face and not asked questions i really didn't want to know the answers to, I would have been much happier!
Lesson learned! Crazy how it takes forever to figure this crap out!
Quoting baparrot2:
Quoting Dana333810:
Very true! Kinda hard to be upset about bullcrap conversations if you are in the dark about what is said!
Here's a typical phone call night:
*he gets off the phone with HER, and I know my name has been in the convo*
Me: "so why is she bringing my name up"
DH: "I dunno"
Me: "No, I heard it. what did she say?"
DH: " fine, she said you were the bitch that is making me do this"
Me: "WHAT?!!!!! ummmmm...but, I didnt hear you tell her that it isnt me who is doing this! WTF"
Now, me and DH are fighting. The fight will not end until he calls her back and sets her straight because it is important to me that she doesnt get the wrong idea about what is going on here. and, had he told her that EMPHATICALLY, to where *I* could hear it, me and him would not be disgruntled at each other now.
BTW, the whole hypothetical exchange above took about two hours in reality. While my DD was watching TV. Oblivious to what is really going on but never the less, I could have been reading her a book in her room. And the day I finally got the dynamics of these phone call fights that resulted in him and I having a knock down, was the day I quit.
Yep! I got to the point where I aked DH to please take the convo's with BM outside. Do not come inside and tell me what happened. It was an act of self preservation.
Quoting Dana333810:
Absolutely! Here is an example of ours from a few years ago:
Dh: can i get cj tonight?
Bm: not if that white trash crack whore is there.
Dh: i wanna see my son.
Bm: get rid of your wife then!
And dh would tell me all this stuff, and I'd get ticked off at him for not sticking up for me. Would be mad at both of them all night.
Had I just kept my nose on my face and not asked questions i really didn't want to know the answers to, I would have been much happier!
Lesson learned! Crazy how it takes forever to figure this crap out!Quoting baparrot2:
Quoting Dana333810:
Very true! Kinda hard to be upset about bullcrap conversations if you are in the dark about what is said!
Here's a typical phone call night:
*he gets off the phone with HER, and I know my name has been in the convo*
Me: "so why is she bringing my name up"
DH: "I dunno"
Me: "No, I heard it. what did she say?"
DH: " fine, she said you were the bitch that is making me do this"
Me: "WHAT?!!!!! ummmmm...but, I didnt hear you tell her that it isnt me who is doing this! WTF"
Now, me and DH are fighting. The fight will not end until he calls her back and sets her straight because it is important to me that she doesnt get the wrong idea about what is going on here. and, had he told her that EMPHATICALLY, to where *I* could hear it, me and him would not be disgruntled at each other now.
BTW, the whole hypothetical exchange above took about two hours in reality. While my DD was watching TV. Oblivious to what is really going on but never the less, I could have been reading her a book in her room. And the day I finally got the dynamics of these phone call fights that resulted in him and I having a knock down, was the day I quit.
Op, do yourself a favor. Just let it go!
Quoting baparrot2:Yep! I got to the point where I aked DH to please take the convo's with BM outside. Do not come inside and tell me what happened. It was an act of self preservation.
Quoting Dana333810:
Absolutely! Here is an example of ours from a few years ago:
Dh: can i get cj tonight?
Bm: not if that white trash crack whore is there.
Dh: i wanna see my son.
Bm: get rid of your wife then!
And dh would tell me all this stuff, and I'd get ticked off at him for not sticking up for me. Would be mad at both of them all night.
Had I just kept my nose on my face and not asked questions i really didn't want to know the answers to, I would have been much happier!
Lesson learned! Crazy how it takes forever to figure this crap out!
Quoting baparrot2:
Quoting Dana333810:
Very true! Kinda hard to be upset about bullcrap conversations if you are in the dark about what is said!
Here's a typical phone call night:
*he gets off the phone with HER, and I know my name has been in the convo*
Me: "so why is she bringing my name up"
DH: "I dunno"
Me: "No, I heard it. what did she say?"
DH: " fine, she said you were the bitch that is making me do this"
Me: "WHAT?!!!!! ummmmm...but, I didnt hear you tell her that it isnt me who is doing this! WTF"
Now, me and DH are fighting. The fight will not end until he calls her back and sets her straight because it is important to me that she doesnt get the wrong idea about what is going on here. and, had he told her that EMPHATICALLY, to where *I* could hear it, me and him would not be disgruntled at each other now.
BTW, the whole hypothetical exchange above took about two hours in reality. While my DD was watching TV. Oblivious to what is really going on but never the less, I could have been reading her a book in her room. And the day I finally got the dynamics of these phone call fights that resulted in him and I having a knock down, was the day I quit.
They think she took him and ran...
- lovemyfriend
on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:31 AM