Ive been with my SO for 2 years and half now and we have a 6 month old baby. He has a son from his previous relationship. He sees his son every weekend and 99% of the weekends I am the one caring for him. He never asked me if it bothered me he just assumed that since we are together it is ok for me to take that responsibility. I had no problem with it until I realized that he never spends time with him. He works from 11am-9pm and comes home exhausted. I feel like the only reason he tells his BM he can have him for the weekends is because he wants to please her. I think she knows that I am the one watching him but she never even cared to try to get to know me. I don't have a job because I have no family to help take care of my baby. Money is an issue right now and barely making ends meet. So considering day care is out of the question. I try to bond with his son but no matter what I do nothing gets through to him. Hes 8 turning 9 nd I feel like im talking to a 5 year old at times. Now that summer has reached his mother decided to tell my SO that he should stay here for the summer and he said yes, knowing he will be working full time with no time to take care of him. I am starting to feel a little bit of resentment because I never have a chance to go out and have fun with my child. Now I have to worry about taking more responsibility. He has no bedroom here and I feel like I have no privacy as a woman. Idk what to do Im overwhelmed. Any advice???
My advice is, tell your boyfriend you do not want to watch his child for him.
Just. Say. No.
I'm not a step mother at all but from a BM's point of view I would want my child to have a bed time. Maybe ask her what her schedule is with him if there is any and try to duplicate it. For example dd goes to bed at 9. If there was a step mom I would ask her to do the same and hope that she respected me enough to keep a schedule at least similar to what's at home. Good luck and maybe talk to your SO and tell him how ytou feel. Maybe you can make up some rules for the son at your home.
I have been in your shoes except with a SD,,,,,I had to make SO realize that it is your kid you are the one the kid wants to see not me. I had to guilt him into spending time with her. But NOW they spend time together whenever she is over but the kids and I really enjoy spending time with her. She was much younger though when this happened. Maybe you should have SS tell your SO that he wants to spend time with him.
@MrsWhite101610, I understand and I wish it was like that. But that type of communication doesn't exist in this situation. If I try to give any input in a situation it is not considered at all. We have met more than once and never did she take time to ask me about anything. I dont feel like Its my responsibility to go out of my way if she doesn't even care. IF its not her way its a problem and he is ok with it, and im not. Whenever I say something it leads to an arguement. I tried to talk about it with him but its one ear out the other. Im so exhaused at this point.
@MegMon1 I tried to tell him to spend more time with him but nothing changes. And he can't leave his job thats whats keeping bills paid. I want to help but how can I help if I have no backbone. I have no help of my own. I feel like his BM is taking advantage because she has parents that help her and has a great paying job that go along with school hours. And she still acts like its the end of the world. And I feel like I have nothing. I want to be able to support my own, by my self and not depend on no one. I feel stuck.
ok, if you were my daughter, this is what I would tell you.
Go along with this nonsense. Babysit for your boyfriend's kid. Because you have no place to go. You can't support yourself and your baby if you leave. You are stuck there. So play along with this babysitting gig..
and meanwhile...
make an exit plan. Make a plan so you can support yourself. Do you have any job skills? If not, think of how you can get some. Home health care (I think?) is one field where you can get certified and placed quickly. Take the classes at night. Get what you need to land a job that pays enough for you to live on, along with daycare, and then.. move out of krazytown.
Immediately file for child support. and half of daycare.
There may be other ideas, for how to support yourself. Just make a plan. Then leave, and dont put yourself in a situation like this again.
i am a custodial SM. We have SD most of the time. So I watch SD alot. I work nights and sleep while she is in school. Now that is summer i literally PRAY for sleep. When DH is home its usually him. but we split the parenting responsibilities fairly evenly. I love SD and we have had cusody sense she was 3. So we have always split it. But if i was feeling overwelmed i would probably say something. Or one time i made a schedual and posted it on the fridge. In there i schedualed times that i had things planned and other arrangements needed to be made for SD. you could try that. its nonconfrintational and direct. But if you cant talk to him openly you probably shouldnt be in the relationship.
Ive talked to him about it but i dont think it makes a difference. I want to have a relationship with his son but it feels impossible. All he does is talk about his mother and my SO ex girlfriend. Ive brought it up so something can be done about it and no changes have been made. Its like everything i do doesn't count or is not appreciated because once its time for him to leave he forgets all about me and my baby and doesn't even say bye. So its frustrating that I do all this for them and dont even get the respect of a simple bye!! I dont think its my resonsibility to go out of my way to teach him things his own mother hould have taught him years ago. And mind you i have tried so many times and it goes in one ear and out the other. I can only do so much. My SO is not a bad person, but this situation has turned me to beome resentful. What also frustrates me is that both my SO and his BM have tons of family members that they can ask for help. It baffles me how she can go on knowing that another woman is taking care of her child while she is out partying it up with her friends. Ontop of it all she has him on child support and always expects to bring him here like everything is peaches and creme. She is always complaining how she does everything for their son, WELL HELLOOO !! Like who she does expect to take care of her responsibilites? ME??? I try to be as reasonable as I can but i cant take it anymore.
Honey if you dont say something and something fast to your SO its only going to keep eating at you!! You have to be on the same page and make him RAISE his child!! You are a supporting role cause his has both parents! You seem to have your hands full with a new baby and its only fair for everyone to get a break! Im afraid if you dont speak up soon it wont turn out well for you your SO or baby. Best of luck<3
Very Proud!!!!!!
- Nisha_27
on Jun. 21, 2012 at 5:30 PM