My SS is 8, and has currently asked to come live with us. We have been on a rocky road for the last 5 1/2 years with BM. She has primary custody and we have a crappy court order (DH was an idiot to agree without an attorney).
We have had our ups and downs with BM. And at times we've felt her parenting was questionable at best. However, over the last 9 months the communication improved between us all and she has done better. The frustrating part is that what we do, she copies. In the end, SS wins so I shouldn't complain. It's just frustrating because we want her to be an involved parent because she wants to, not to keep up with us.
Recently, SS asked to come live with us. We feel it would be best for him because we do have more time to spend with him due to our work schedules and we also have better schools here. His reason for requesting this was to spend more time with his dad and have his dad coach his sports teams. Something not possible when he's with his mom due to the distance between us.
Anyway, BM said no. So he asked to still play sports out here (like he did this past spring) and again BM said no. Just last week we found out that her husband has 2 felony convictions for drug charges and is still on probation. We never knew, and needless to say we are devastated we didn't know sooner to actually be able to do something about my SS's situation there.
Since then things have gone from good to bad to worse. The extra time she allowed SS to spend here, she is now taking away. It seems like since he asked to live here she is pulling back on his time here. We are heartbroken and completely devastated. We feel like our hands our tied to take her to court now, which is not something we wanted to do.
Things had been going so well, but when we can't trust her decision making for my SS or count on her to do what she says it's just frustrating. The helpless feeling by not being able to give my SS what he wants is probably what hurts the most. Not a day goes by that he doesn't say something about wanting to live with us. His mom knows this. As a bio mom, I know the hard decision that is. But I just feel at some point you have to put your own desires and selfishness aside to do what is best for your child. She had no arguments for why he can't be here except she didn't think he was ready to make that decision. The problem is she isn't ready.
It's hard when so many people love one child. And it's even harder when someone takes advantage of the power they have instead of thinking of the child first. Well, thanks for listening to me vent. My heart has been heavy over this situation and my head is going 90 to nothing all the time.