A friend over the weekend was telling me about her experience the week before while they were trying to get SD for the summer. I wanted to see what you all think about it. BD bought the plane tickets, BD and BM agreed to allow SM to pick child up from the airport because he couldn't take a whole day off from work. He made arrangements to get off a couple hours after her plane set down. BM didn't put SD on the plane. BD had to scramble and get SD scheduled for the next available flight, which happened to be the next morning. BD spoke with his boss and they allowed him to work the following morning pretty much with the same arrangement they had in the beginning. He is paid hourly so he felt he needed to make up those hours he lost by BM not putting SD on the plane. Following morning, SD is on her way. SM goes to the airport as agreed upon by the BPs earlier. Once there, the airport security refuses to allow SM to pick up the child. Apparently BM changed who was allowed to pick up SD when she dropped SD off that morning. SM is angry and upset because BM backed out of the deal BD and her had made. SM calls BM questioning the whole thing, BM says if BD is not available to pick up SD, then SD should be sent back home. SM also calls BD who in turn calls the airport. In the end, SM is allowed to pick up SD, who, by this time, has been waiting for 30 minutes to get picked up. BM is furious because BD overroad her decision and allowed SM to pick up SD. BM is making threats to take him to court and make it so SM is no longer allowed around SD. SD comes to visit during half the school breaks and the summer. SM has been in SD's life for 8 years.What do you all think? How would you advise the SM/BD in this situation?
My 1st thought when she told me this was, thank goodness I do not have to deal with kind of drama, I would go absolutely nuts!
I think there's more going on in this dynamic that you are being told. I don't think I can give an educated opinion without knowing more history between them all. Sounds like it's more than just BM not liking SM or BM trying to make things difficult.
I would guess that they play tit for tat now and again and it was quite possibly just BM's turn? Or - it's back to SM being part of BM's "Village" and her not being interested in her input. Who knows, maybe BM thinks SM is overly involved or maybe BF pawns the child rearing of HIS child off on SM too much. Hard to say.
Quoting packermomof2:
Quoting atownrb:
Sounds to me like the BM doesn't care what's best for her child ages just being selfish and difficultbecause she doesn't think SM should be the one to pick her up she doesn't care about what is best for her child?
Regardless of how you answer, dad's time, dad's choice. Unless SM is a convicted felon, BM is choosing to be difficult and hurting her child in the process.
I've noticed no matter how asinine BM is being, you always side with her. Something to discuss with your therapist perhaps?
Should my DH refuse to drop off the skids to their stepdad when BM is unavailable? He chooses to put his kids first instead of putting them in the middle of a power struggle/pissing match.
Quoting packermomof2:I'd not make that deal in the first place. I'd expect the parent to be at the other airport to get our kids. Not his wife, not his mom, him. I have an "ohhhh, shiny" kid and I want to know that someone who was fully responsible for our children was there to get them, someone who was legally responsible in case something happened, someone the kids were there for, and someone I trusted to get my kids. (This is hypothetical in my case, I'm pretending that dad is responsible and trustworthy for my answer).
I don't trust people just because my ex does when it comes to my kids.
Quoting packermomof2:I'd not make that deal in the first place. I'd expect the parent to be at the other airport to get our kids. Not his wife, not his mom, him. I have an "ohhhh, shiny" kid and I want to know that someone who was fully responsible for our children was there to get them, someone who was legally responsible in case something happened, someone the kids were there for, and someone I trusted to get my kids. (This is hypothetical in my case, I'm pretending that dad is responsible and trustworthy for my answer).
I don't trust people just because my ex does when it comes to my kids.
That not a fair attitude. Because bd is suppose to "trust" whoever bm let's in child's life.
Quoting JoeliePoelieMom:
Exactly it not fair what she saying.
Been there done that. All it is a power play on the BM part. She is trying to show the BD & SM that she has all the control. All the threats are to keep the BD in check. Sadly that child has become a pawn for the BM to use when she wants to throw her so called power around. The bigger issues becomes the lies she will tell her child. The best one is always " if you dad really wanted to spend time with you he would of been there to pick you up". At least she put the child on the plane. We have had many trips to airport to pick up child only to find our child never got on plane in the first place. No call, no text, no email. Children should never be used as pawns by either parent. Using your child to get back at your EX is childish & selfish.
Would you be insulted? And a second question...
- rebeccasmly
on Jun. 25, 2012 at 10:23 AM