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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Status Quo, or No?

Posted by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:30 AM
  • 28 Replies

DH has full custody. BM has visitation.
In the court order, she was suppose to get 2 overnights a week, and every wednesday. That was 2010.

Since Mid 2011, she has only been taking eow. She requested it because she needed more "me" time on weekends. She said it was inconvenient having the kids every weekend. So we happily agreed, because that means more time with the kids for us.

When she has the kids eow, she doesn't spend all weekend with them, per her Dad. This weekend for example, the kids stayed at BM's Moms house. The kids were with BM part of the day saturday, but none at all on friday or sunday. We are glad they got to see their Grandparents though. She also calls DH's family asking if they want the kids on her weekends.

So my point...
BM's Dad asked said they think they may want to go back to having the kids every weekend depending on his plans and her schedule (BM just got fired, and isn't planning on looking for a job according to her Dad)

Our issue with it: Should we keep the Status Quo? It's been eow for almost the past year. The kids know the schedule, and we have a routine. On their weekends with us, we do family stuff, or visit DH's family with the kids because they all live an hour away.

The Prek's opinion was to keep it as is, because it's what the kids know, and it's stable. But we don't want to be accused of keeping the kids from her. She just doesn't seem to understand that it's not fair to the kids to only have them when it's convenient for her :(

by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:33 AM

Are the 2 overnights every week specific to a day?  If BM wants to, she can go back to the CO and get every weekend.

YesImMomToo
by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:35 AM
1 mom liked this
If they have a positive relationship with their mother increasing her time can be a positive thing for the children.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
needsupport100
by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:42 AM

I had a similar issue, and NO bm cannot just go back and get everyweekend and uproot the kids like that. my xh did the same thing-volunteered up his xtra time down to eowe. status changed for him so that it became convient for him to get dd again-we disputed, i presented him with court papers and had eowe only ordered.

once they've been excercising the schedule for more than a year it wont be hard to get that schedule changed in a modification

RubyLu
by Member on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:53 AM

The overnights were from friday 6pm - sunday 6pm.

So even though she didn't want it the past year, she can now? Good to know, because we don't want to be in contempt!

Quoting WifeyC:

Are the 2 overnights every week specific to a day?  If BM wants to, she can go back to the CO and get every weekend.


IreneCarroll
by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:54 AM
bump


WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:56 AM

That is correct.  Awesome isn't it? When she wants to be a Mom and get her kids every week she can.  When she has more important things to do she doesn't have to take the kids.  Not a damn thing you can do about it unless you want to take it to court to show what her pattern has been and see if a judge will change it.

Quoting RubyLu:

The overnights were from friday 6pm - sunday 6pm.

So even though she didn't want it the past year, she can now? Good to know, because we don't want to be in contempt!

Quoting WifeyC:

Are the 2 overnights every week specific to a day?  If BM wants to, she can go back to the CO and get every weekend.

 


RubyLu
by Member on Jun. 25, 2012 at 12:03 PM

Good point. Not really sure if it's positive though. Most of the time they spend over there is with BM parents, not BM. But BM parents are good people.
Not sure if it matters but for the past few months, the kids have had reports written at school about their bad behavior on the days after weekends with BM. The teacher had 3 of the reports written to show to us before she even knew the kids schedule. Their excuse for bad behavior at school is because their mom doesn't make them listen. We also have the issue of potty training, because they wear diapers all of the time (yes, diapers, not pullups) at their moms ( they're 3 and 5).

On the flip side, is it a positive thing to decrease the time with the father? They have a lot of family on the fathers side that they wouldn't get to see near as much as they do now.

Quoting YesImMomToo:

If they have a positive relationship with their mother increasing her time can be a positive thing for the children.


RubyLu
by Member on Jun. 25, 2012 at 12:07 PM

Oh man, go figure! That just doesn't seem fair to just do whatever is "convenient", and it sucks that to her important doesn't = the kids...
Well I guess the one plus of our record keeping is that we have calendars of every time the kids were/weren't with her for the past year. So when it goes to court, we have something to back us up a little, rather than just saying we think she never has the kids.

Quoting WifeyC:

That is correct.  Awesome isn't it? When she wants to be a Mom and get her kids every week she can.  When she has more important things to do she doesn't have to take the kids.  Not a damn thing you can do about it unless you want to take it to court to show what her pattern has been and see if a judge will change it.

Quoting RubyLu:

The overnights were from friday 6pm - sunday 6pm.

So even though she didn't want it the past year, she can now? Good to know, because we don't want to be in contempt!

Quoting WifeyC:

Are the 2 overnights every week specific to a day?  If BM wants to, she can go back to the CO and get every weekend.

 

 


RubyLu
by Member on Jun. 25, 2012 at 12:11 PM

That's good to know! Did you do more than calendar record keeping to show the times you did/didn't have your dd? And did you request the court order change or did he? Just curious if it mattered if the CP or the NCP tried to get it changed


Quoting needsupport100:

I had a similar issue, and NO bm cannot just go back and get everyweekend and uproot the kids like that. my xh did the same thing-volunteered up his xtra time down to eowe. status changed for him so that it became convient for him to get dd again-we disputed, i presented him with court papers and had eowe only ordered.

once they've been excercising the schedule for more than a year it wont be hard to get that schedule changed in a modification


rose0919
by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 12:14 PM

see im a biach, i would make her bring it to court! and its not her asking it was her dad.  but i make sure dh documents everything when it comes to bm. her refusals of time, her refusal of vacations ect he also makes her sign that she refused. 

if a jugde sees a patern of refusal then she has to prove why she would be taking her time now and not then.


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