Need to tell her that her Dad is not really her Dad

[amandam11]

I had a daughter 1 1/2 yrs old when I married.  She knew my husband as her father (for 8 years now) even though we divorced 2 years ago.  She wonders why her little brother gets to go to his house and she doesn't.  I need to tell her the truth so she has time to heal but I don't know the best (least damaging) way to do it.  Any suggestions???

[badged54]

I also have a similar situation. My daughter was only a few months old when my ex husband and I got married. He was an ok dad adopted her at age 2 and he maintains that he is her father even thou we are in the midst of a divorce. She is now 14. She at age 9 or 10 found her adoption papers and spaze She then didn't say it made a difference because he told her that she was special because he choose to love her. Now she hates him and calls him her "paper father". She has 2 younger siblings that get more specialized treatment because they are his biological children. So it is hard. My poor daughter feels rejected by 2 fathers. Get her therapy. She needs to feel loved and wanted and I know from what I watched my little girl go thru. It is hard and it hurts you. I know I see the pain of my decisions on my daughters face ever day. Good luck and I will be praying for you.

[jlg12678]

Op, what do you expect of your ex? I would sincerely like to know what your expectations were of him after divorce regarding your daughter. Did you ask for child support? Visitation? Did you expect him to be involved for the rest of her life?

What were his reasons for not
wanting to continue the relationship other than the obvious?

[badged54]

I feel horrible for this little girl and my own daughter. I had to tell her the truth that her biological father beat me when I told him I was pregnant and threatened to kill me if I didn't get an abortion. Seeing the hurt in her eyes. That pain can never be taken away. We as parents need to just love the children in our lives blood related or not. All a child wants is to feel love and wanted.

[angelmommy2806]

You really told your daughter that?

When my mom told me I was adopted she left all the nastiness out. It did come out about how my BD felt about the pregnancy but it was once I was much older. I would have been devastated if my mom would have told me that.

Quoting badged54:

I feel horrible for this little girl and my own daughter. I had to tell her the truth that her biological father beat me when I told him I was pregnant and threatened to kill me if I didn't get an abortion. Seeing the hurt in her eyes. That pain can never be taken away. We as parents need to just love the children in our lives blood related or not. All a child wants is to feel love and wanted.

[Nisha96]

 

                                 GET THE COURAGE  AND SAY IT OPEN HEARTED

 

[VeeJay1030]

It is weird that he didn't still take her on as his child anyway since he has been a dad/father to her.  And the only one that she knows.  I would tell her but I feel you need to do it in counseling because that would be another devastating event for her besides the divorce.  She had to deal with her family broken, and then to find out that her dad is not her dad.  So you will have to deal with questions of who is my father and her wanting to see him.  I feel you should talk to your ex and see how he would want to proceed with it.  And make arrangements for him to see her with his son also, if he is ok with that.  She is going to be hurt and broken.  And may even hate him later with resentment.