Hello! I'm new here and could use some advice. I'm not sure if I'm just over-reacting or what...Here's the scoop: DH and I have been married 8 years. I have 4 SKids - 3 SS's (19, 17, 15) and a SD (13). We have 1 son together (6). BM lives 2 blocks from us. Shared custody every other week for a week at a time. Basically we do all the "work" and she gets all the "glory."
My problem is that in return for room and board and vacations and being able to be on sports teams, providing them a car, etc....the kids should be doing some chores around the house. I don't expect 8 hours a day out of them, but minor stuff (cleaning their own bathroom, sweeping, cleaning up after they make lunch) won't hurt them, right?
DH says he agrees, and lays out a chore list and goes over it with them, but then doesn't make them do it. If they don't want to do the chores, they just don't do them. If they have something better to do (swimming, ball games), they do that instead. How do I get him to see that he needs to step up and make his kids do these things? I am tired of the lack of respect they are learning. My son went to use their bathroom the other night and was "disgusted" at how dirty it was. You know it's bad when a 6YO refuses to use the bathroom because "It's disgusting!" This has gone on since I've known DH and I know he is afraid that if he is too hard on the kids, they will move out and go live with BM. It happened with the oldest and that was a disaster. I don't want that, but at the same time, I also don't want to continue to be their maid and personal checkbooks either. I honestly think the only reason DH ever says anything to them is when I get angry and start harping and nagging at him about it. I think he only does it to make me stop...not because he thinks it's a problem.
I could use some advice. I'm so frustrated I don't know what to do anymore.