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Ok so you all know dh conceived my sd while we were separated and lucky me now my sd and my son bdays are 2 weeks apart On Nov?..

So my question is I'm a party thrower I always throw a bday party for my kids and I go all out w the themes specially now that they're old enough to choose their theme... Yea im one of those moms.. Lol

I know it's childish I really do.. And I love my sd to death too but my kids are first to me.. So dh says we can do have one big party for both sd and son but that's just weird to me and I can't imagine my family how weird they're going to feel(not all my fam is ok w my sd stitch) and this is where I'm childish my son shouldn't have to share his one day where i go all out and make it about him bc his dad couldn't keep it his pants.. But at the same time it's not my sd fault either and I know that too... But she has her mom to throw her a big party alone and my kids only have me so idk.. It's stupid I know..

This is going to be an every single year dilemma for me so what do u ladies think we could do...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:15 PM
Replies (41-45):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 1, 2012 at 7:16 AM
I think it would be understandably awkward for some family members, I don't think your DD should lose out on her own celebration with her family because you are accommodating SD.
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mirm99
by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 9:59 AM
Lol.. Oh no dh and bm can't even see each other w out arguing.. So no bm and her fam wouldn't be invited..

And we have joint custody of sd.. We alternate weeks w bm... We used to have more time than bm but that was bc bm would leave me sd until like 4 months who's she stepped up Nd started to take sd for her full weeks so now it's equal. I don't mind us throwing sd a party I just don't want a joint party... I I don't think it's the children's fault and have to share their one big day specially when my dd doesn't had to share.. I just doesn't seem fair to me.


Quoting ame4c:

To me it would depend on if you were NCP or CP, and how much parenting time is spent with this child. In OP's situation I would definately do 2 seperate parties. It sounds like BD is not CP here and should give his dd the extra time and attention.



Now is your DH expecting you to invite BM and her family to this joined party? Because that is where I would tell the man "HELL NO". Her mom can plan a party for her and her family.
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mirm99
by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 10:02 AM
Exactly what im thinking.... And Some people think I'm being like the wicked sm here I swear.. Lol..



Quoting leegirl_jm:

I think it would be understandably awkward for some family members, I don't think your DD should lose out on her own celebration with her family because you are accommodating SD.
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SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Jul. 1, 2012 at 10:10 AM


Quoting mirm99:

My family has no say over my family.. If that was the case I wouldn't of reconciled w dh after what happened.. Yet you said having a joint party would make your family uncomfortable (whatever part disagrees with something they have no control over).

And I never said bm has to consider my kids I was simply expressing my feelings that I hate the fact that I can't do anything like this for example wout first bringing up my sd nothin against sd I love her to death I've raised we unlike a few days ago to be exact.. not literally.. And I know all the kids are my dhs full blood but he still has to remember that shes not my dd and this still hurts me tremendously since it was very recent this all happened.
"I hate how I can do anything for my kids wout thinking of sd first.. But bm can do whatever she wants wout worrying about my kids..." That is part of being a step-family sometimes. Quit worrying about BM and what she does and doesn't do. If it still hurts so much, you and DH have a long way to go.

And I'm not responsible for the way people treat my sd.. Sorry, but if I was this girls BM, I would make sure SD couldn't be around your family that treats her that way. The only person that singles her out is my grandma and I'm sorry she's 78yrs old and sick I'm not going to argue w her when I see her a few times a yr.. Right here you are choosing blood over SD, who you treat like your own. My grandma is 90 and knew from the beginning that she would treat SS like my DD or he wouldn't be around and if he wasn't around, I wouldn't be either (we are CP). It's not worth an argument that may cause my grandma a heart attack and who knows what else.. Lol My mom dad and my brothers and sisters all treat my sd like she was my own dd.. an their the ones who see her on a weekly basis. So even though you treat her as your own, you allow others to belittle her. Would you allow them to do the same to your kids?

And I can guarantee you that if u had been in my stitch you wouldn't of done or stuck around for Half the crap that I've had to endure for My SD well being not mine.. So if I don't want I join the party I dot want to I have my reasons..
"I wouldnt mind sharing bdays if both children were my biokids.. But the situation is very hard as it is sharing just doesnt seem right to me.." I agree because I wouldn't be with man who cheated on me, period. 
And like I said if dh want a huge over the top party for sd in all in for it I'll help him and make everything just like I do w my own kids but I'm not foun to push the subject bc Im still unsure of his feelings and what he wants to do.. This just sounds to me, like you are hoping he won't want to throw a party for SD. Not that this is how you feel, it just comes across that way. I would say he obviously wants a big party for her or he wouldn't have suggested they share one. She's still too young to understand any of this and dh and I are still trying to figure out our roles in this stitch.. Are SD and DS additional kids from the 3 and 4 yr olds you talk about or is DS the 3 year old? I'm just confused about it as I don't recall your story.
And I'm equally involved w EVERYTHiNG regarding sd if not more than anyone else again bc I've raised her not her bm and not dh I have! You apparently didn't read what I wrote. I said that DH needs to be EQUALLY involved in everything. He is the parent the kids all have in common. You are setting him up to have to pay more attention and make more decisions regarding SD on his own in comparison to the kids you have together. Does that make sense? You are going to end up mad because he makes all these decisions regarding SD and leaves you to make them regarding the other kids.

So don't just ASSuME I belittle my ad bc lord knows what I've done for this child is more than anyone would do for her.. Why do you think that? Is there some reason she shouldn't be treated well because her parents did you and your kids wrong? Again, I'm simply saying that you chose the high road in this instance and I don't think its going to work for you to pick and chose which instances you want to stay on that high road.
You said you are being childish about it, or you wouldn't have asked the question to begin with. I think that you have a long way to go with your relationship with DH before even thinking about this birthday business. It's still 4 months away. Would you honestly be ok with it if DH said he didn't want a party for SD?
Do you resent DH because you spend so much time with SD?


mirm99
by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 1:59 PM
All I'm going to say is wow... Lol.. I don't have the energy or time to deal w people like you that create my stitch as they ASSUME.. Thanks for ur suggestions but next time dont waste your time :)

Quoting SassyMom25:


Quoting mirm99:

My family has no say over my family.. If that was the case I wouldn't of reconciled w dh after what happened.. Yet you said having a joint party would make your family uncomfortable (whatever part disagrees with something they have no control over).



And I never said bm has to consider my kids I was simply expressing my feelings that I hate the fact that I can't do anything like this for example wout first bringing up my sd nothin against sd I love her to death I've raised we unlike a few days ago to be exact.. not literally.. And I know all the kids are my dhs full blood but he still has to remember that shes not my dd and this still hurts me tremendously since it was very recent this all happened.
"I
hate how I can do anything for my kids wout thinking of sd first.. But
bm can do whatever she wants wout worrying about my kids..." That is part of being a step-family sometimes. Quit worrying about BM and what she does and doesn't do. If it still hurts so much, you and DH have a long way to go.




And I'm not responsible for the way people treat my sd.. Sorry, but if I was this girls BM, I would make sure SD couldn't be around your family that treats her that way. The only person that singles her out is my grandma and I'm sorry she's 78yrs old and sick I'm not going to argue w her when I see her a few times a yr.. Right here you are choosing blood over SD, who you treat like your own. My grandma is 90 and knew from the beginning that she would treat SS like my DD or he wouldn't be around and if he wasn't around, I wouldn't be either (we are CP). It's not worth an argument that may cause my grandma a heart attack and who knows what else.. Lol My mom dad and my brothers and sisters all treat my sd like she was my own dd.. an their the ones who see her on a weekly basis. So even though you treat her as your own, you allow others to belittle her. Would you allow them to do the same to your kids?



And I can guarantee you that if u had been in my stitch you wouldn't of done or stuck around for Half the crap that I've had to endure for My SD well being not mine.. So if I don't want I join the party I dot want to I have my reasons..
"I
wouldnt mind sharing bdays if both children were my biokids.. But the
situation is very hard as it is sharing just doesnt seem right to me.." I agree because I wouldn't be with man who cheated on me, period. 
And like I said if dh want a huge over the top party for sd in all in for it I'll help him and make everything just like I do w my own kids but I'm not foun to push the subject bc Im still unsure of his feelings and what he wants to do.. This just sounds to me, like you are hoping he won't want to throw a party for SD. Not that this is how you feel, it just comes across that way. I would say he obviously wants a big party for her or he wouldn't have suggested they share one. She's still too young to understand any of this and dh and I are still trying to figure out our roles in this stitch.. Are SD and DS additional kids from the 3 and 4 yr olds you talk about or is DS the 3 year old? I'm just confused about it as I don't recall your story.
And I'm equally involved w EVERYTHiNG regarding sd if not more than anyone else again bc I've raised her not her bm and not dh I have! You apparently didn't read what I wrote. I said that DH needs to be EQUALLY involved in everything. He is the parent the kids all have in common. You are setting him up to have to pay more attention and make more decisions regarding SD on his own in comparison to the kids you have together. Does that make sense? You are going to end up mad because he makes all these decisions regarding SD and leaves you to make them regarding the other kids.



So don't just ASSuME I belittle my ad bc lord knows what I've done for this child is more than anyone would do for her.. Why do you think that? Is there some reason she shouldn't be treated well because her parents did you and your kids wrong? Again, I'm simply saying that you chose the high road in this instance and I don't think its going to work for you to pick and chose which instances you want to stay on that high road.
You said you are being childish about it, or you wouldn't have asked the question to begin with. I think that you have a long way to go with your relationship with DH before even thinking about this birthday business. It's still 4 months away. Would you honestly be ok with it if DH said he didn't want a party for SD?
Do you resent DH because you spend so much time with SD?


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