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Easing a child back into the swing of things!

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 12:14 AM
  • 10 Replies
So dh is the cp. Bm usually has eowe but since it's summer they agreed on SD going to bm's for 5 weeks. She is due to come home Friday. And I have to say I'm a little anxious. I guess I'm expecting her to have a hard time with the transition. Bm does things much different than dh and I. There is no structure or rules and certain things like meals,hygiene, and sleeping are completely different between the two households. I'm not saying the way she does things is wrong, it's just like night and day. So I expect SD to have a hard time switching over to our home.

Do any of you have any suggestions or tips to make this go smoother? Maybe just some words of wisdom for me in how to deal with it. I hate having negative anxiety about her homecoming.and also dh and I have 2 children together. Their 3 and 4 months. I want this all to go smoothly for them too.
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by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 12:14 AM
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want2bpiper
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 1:40 AM
1 mom liked this

 Just my opinion, but I think that carrying on as you would have had she been with you all along would be best.  You may have to explain at first (if she puts up a fuss) that you understand that things were different at her moms, and that's ok, but that your house rules haven't changed.  A little patience but firmness should keep things running smoothly.  Best of luck to you!

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Jul. 5, 2012 at 6:43 AM

I agree-just explain everything and have some patience-believe me we have the same issue.

We're NCP but BM is more STRICT then we are. so we gotta loosen the kids up a bit :)

Ms.Gwen
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 10:01 AM
Exact same sitch here. Kids just got back from a 2 week stay with BM and will be here for 2 weeks than go see BM for another 5 weeks. We also expected the worse, but they seem to handle the lOnger summer visitations better than the random weekend visits that happened during the school year?! They were very glad to be home though. SD4 had to check her room immediately when she arrived (make sure it was still there/ the same as she left it?). SS5 picked up a bad habit of flicking people and kept trying to prop his feet up on the dinner table... We fixed that immediately! The ease of transition comes from the stability they get from here/ us / the CPs according to the skids shrink. It may be 'camp run-a-muck' at BMs but they have a solid foundation here at home. That's why they can handle it.
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Prayin4Serenity
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 10:12 AM
Has anyone ever encountered the child not being happy being back? ?
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Refurbished
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 6:27 PM

I spent my entire childhood going back and forth between my parents and step-parents.  Transitioning from different households wasn't hard, but it was very difficult and stressful for me dealing with people who hated each other.  I felt a lot of guilt, feeling like I was abandoning or betraying one for the other each time I switched, wanting to love all four of my parents, wanting their approval but also feeling that that I was not being loyal to the other for feeling that way.  That was my entire difficulty with the switch. 

Quoting Prayin4Serenity:

Has anyone ever encountered the child not being happy being back? ?


rebeccasmly
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 6:50 PM

I agree with the others. Just continue doing things as you have been. It might be rough a few days but be firm and explain that there are different rules as mommy's and daddy's house and she needs to follow mommy's rules at mommy's house and daddy's rules at daddy's house.

scubamommy2001
by New Member on Jul. 5, 2012 at 9:01 PM
Quoting want2bpiper:

 Just my opinion, but I think that carrying on as you would have had she been with you all along would be best.  You may have to explain at first (if she puts up a fuss) that you understand that things were different at her moms, and that's ok, but that your house rules haven't changed.  A little patience but firmness should keep things running smoothly.  Best of luck to you!


This is what we do in our home. It works pretty good actually. They know the house rules, but they do need to be reminded from time to time.
angelmommy2806
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 9:52 PM

We're about to go through this in a couple weeks. I figure we'll just go on like they'd never been gone. I'm sure there will be a little testing the boundaries again since they are kids but hopefully nothing severe.

gma12.1
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 4:44 AM

 My SD is the BM of the 3 grandkids that live with us, 9 yrs now. BM had a temper tantrum and took the kids not taking anything that belonged to the kids. 4.5 months later we get the kids back and we just picked up as if they had been here the entire time. As we ran into something that BM had allowed we set them straight. Twins are 13 youngest is 8.5 and special needs. Biggest problem we had was that the Twins kept disciplining littlest one I had to keep getting on them that it wasn't their job. For the whole time that they were gone it was their job to include their job being to make sure that she got her medication on time. They were back into the swing of things in a matter of days.

If you keep the same rules, regulations, etc and start up as soon as she gets home it will be easy for her because it is something that she is really used to and you would be surprised at how easily and quickly they settle back in to what is the normal.

libelule
by Member on Jul. 6, 2012 at 9:23 AM

I'm in the same situation as you, where my DH is the CP and SD visits her mom twice a year.

There are many very wise ladies on this forum that gave me great advice when I was going through a similar problem earlier in the year.  What I learned from them was to be patient, be there for your SD but don't come on too strong as she will be adjusting in her own time.  Just carry on with your regular routine regarding your other children and she will ease back into it.

My SD just came back from her moms a few weeks ago and I was also dreading it as the time before had been so difficult for her (and I think more difficult for me to see her dealing with it).  This time  I took a little step back and was patient and, to be honest, the transition was seamless, she didnt miss a beat, was thrilled to be home and all smiles.  I think as adults we want to 'fix' problems but this is something they need to work through in their own time.

Good luck!

 

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