After all the drama caused in the family by my SD we are making some major changes for a while. My SD is one of those people that has a negitive affect on just about everyone she is around, yet everyone is afraid to say a word to her about her actions. Instead they have no problem telling myself and my DH how we change when she is around. She is a user and as long as she can get something from you she will keep you around, the minute you stop she makes your life a living hell.
On the other end of this is my future DIL that has been going to my SD house telling her everything that is going on down here and is upset at the whole side of the family because at the moment no one including my son she is marrying wants anything to do with SD. It has gotten so bad that not only my oldest daughter but my parents have said that they may not be involved with the wedding because of SD.
But because of some of the things that have been said and done we (myself and my DH) have decided to put a halt to many of the things that we have been doing. We have never had a second thought to helping our kids when they ask which is now going to stop for a while. No more family dinners or get togethers at our home, and we have decided for at least this year the holidays are not going to happen. As for the wedding planning I am completely stepping away from it.
All of this mess has broken my heart but when you are afraid that any and everything that you say in your own home is going to be turned on you, it makes you give up alot of things.
I hate to hear that you are going through this! It is never easy to have to display tough love in order to preserve your household. We have had to do the same thing with my DS. Everytime he comes around the atmosphere in the home immediately changes and the tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Good luck to you and maybe, hopefully, excluding her from your life for a while will make her realize what she is losing.
I remember when you felt really good about your step kids. At least I think you are that same person. I think you and your DH have to do what is right for your home, your peace of mind. I personally can't stand drama and stay away from it. So kudos to you for coming to the same conclusion.
I don't handle drama well so I understand. Its sad when we have to cut family members away to avoid but have done so myself.
It is hard when you can't have an open conversation in your OWN home because of the people around repeating what is none of their business. My SD began to grill her 12 yr old daughter about everything that went on in our home, we are raising her kids. A 12 y/o doesn't answer things in context so all hell would break loose and the kids were told repeatedly that WE hated her and we were telling her kids lies about her. We weren't telling the kids anything we would be having an adult conversation the kid would hear a portion as she came into the room to get something, then SD would find out. Now at 13 we learned that GD was deliberately being a spy for her mother. So now in my house if DH and I want to talk about anything dealing with SD or the kids we wait until they are in bed and then we still talk in our room. It is a real sad state when this happens. Stepping back from it all sounds like the best step at this point. Has DS talked to soon to be DIL about the whole sitch?
Well there was one plus to the future DIL call me today and told me she was very sorry. I think they finally understand just how warped my SD's mind truly is. She did say that one of the reason seh told her anything was that all SD does when she is there is question her about us and ask me how she was suppose to handle it. Like I told her either tell her you are not getting into it or just stop going over there.
Oh no...so sorry for your situation, it rots!. SD's often have a really difficult time with the SM. That's often due to the mindset that if BM isn't #1 in dad's life then SD believes she is (or should be). With SD's it's a very very difficult road to hoe as they get older. Many times they become more manipulative, hateful and from your description, destructive and don't rest until everyone is miserable. The trouble is that SD will never realize that HER behavior is what's causing all these problems, she's likely blaming you for everything. The good thig is that it appears other see the toxic behavior of your SD and that they support you. Unfortunately there is nothing like a wedding or a funeral to bring out the worst in some people. Good luck to you.
I agree with you 1000% I feel that way about my SKs! Me and my hubby can't even talk in our room without it being turned around. My SD is like that too. She wants me out of her dad's life even though her mom cheated on her father with another man and had kids by him but she blames me for their marriage being over. She gets around the other family members (my in-laws) And before anyone got to know me she had everyone hating me. She is so rude to me, she refuses to speak, I am the outcast and it got to the point that if her father don't choose between me and her she won't let him see her baby that she just had. I feel you, being a stepmom is very hard! I feel you shouldn't stop events and functions to your home. I just stay stop doing as much or anything at all for the SD, don't include and invite her to stuff. We did that and it slowed up the drama, and it made us comfortable in our home. I would continue to plan the wedding as long as it is not for the SD. It is hard to do for some and not all but if they don't act right what can you do. I am tired of the abuse to be honest, and from your post you are tired too. It is sad that SMs get treated this way!
Very Proud!!!!!!
- sweettxt1
on Jul. 6, 2012 at 12:15 PM