Ok guys so I really need some help with something.
You guys know I'm pregnant. I'm slowly letting the cat out of the bag (because I'm still legally married). Well, here's some history just to give you guys some background. I've ALWAYS made choices my family doesn't like, mainly with the men. With my first husband, it was because he was 5 years older than me, we dated when I was in high school and he couldn't hold a steady job. Husband #2 he was 23 years my sr and didn't work for 3 years. And this one, simply because I moved so fast after separating from xh (I did).
Now onto family life; my nieces, who are 9 (bio) and 6 (emotionally adopted, bio's half-sister) *I* have been a part of their lives ALL their lives. When niece 6 was younger (just before her dad lost all rights to her) against my brother's will, I started getting her WITH niece 9 because it wasn't fair to her to always be left behind. At first, my family shunned me away and gave me 3rd degree for that, eventually they came to and now gets her when they get bio niece. Because my brother chose a life that took him away from her, I started getting niece, mom was at first, then decided a volunteer thing was more important (it became her life) the ONLY reason my bio niece even knows us is because I would not back off, I refused to let her grow up without knowing our side the way my dad did us.
So fast forward a bit. He met sil in military, she was GREAT at first, we all loved her; until she got pg. then she decided we weren't good enough for her. (mom and her have bickered like CRAZY) so I keep my distance to avoid being brought in the drama) so I have a second niece I've had maybe a total of 3 hours with, who is 5.
So fast forward to when xh and I got married. I did EVERYTHING in my power to schedule that wedding for when bro and sil could be there-he eventually told me sea world was more important (long story short). I was asked about what I thought about Christmas cards from a cousin....huh?? what the hell are you talking about?? Because I was the ONLY ONE in the entire family that didn't get one.
So let's fast forward to THIS year alone. Mom told me he and sil got remarried (first time was eloping, second was an actual wedding at the beach-I was unaware of this). I said nothing to him during a phone conversation, cause mom just said "he got married" we both assumed it was just another elope-no one there but niece...ok whatever. No he had a FULL BLOWN WEDDING at the beach. When I saw the pictures, I said "wait, you had a wedding and your sister wasn't invited?" he said "no one was invited" we are looking through pictures, started pointing out her sisters, mom and dad so I popped off "no what you MEANT to say, is NO ONE FROM OUR side was invited" later told mom I'm VERY offended that I didn't get a heads up to a fking WEDDING!!! She didn't blame me-but I say nothing to my brother.
Then just before grandpa dies....my niece came up to my mom "I'm going to have a baby brother or sister" I had to insert myself into that family fun and had to see the ultrasound video from a distance and was ignored when commented.
So then, I get out of mom's house (because well, I just couldn't do it-I knew I was possibly pregnant-it's time to fly again).
Just to back up a bit, the ONLY time I hear from my brother anymore is if I happen to be at the right place at the right time or he hears I'm screwing up and wants to talk to me (to set me straight for mom)-otherwise I barley exist
Well, shortly after I move out, brother texts me "hey, I'm hearing some crazy stories about you and wanted to hear from you what's going on"
Well, another long story short I told him "I'm sure you are, but don't care to talk about it because that's the ONLY time I hear from you, when I have your daughter, or you hear I'm messing up"
He acknowledges it's true but was contacting me for both, because he's hearing I'm messing up and just wants to chat. Well I deny him his request and tell him this time I need to do on my own.
"Ok well hope you are doing what's right for you and your daughter"
"I believe I am and that's what counts"
Few days later-I contact oldest nieces mom to talk to her cause I'd like to start getting them again but wanted to talk to her first (because of the quick moves with bf). Well, SLAP DOWN. She said I'd have to talk to brother first cause she doesn't feel like dealing with him bitching at her and he's requested I have ZERO contact with them until I talk.
She has him contact me and he said "I'm not talking about this on text you can call when you want to, please" so I told him "I'll call when I have a chance for this to soak in seeing as I just got told I can't have ne thing to do with nieces (and you're only dad of ONE) until I do."
Ok, now that there's some background. For the last 10 years, I don't hear SHIT from my brother except for through the grapevine (usually mom). At first it was understandable because he was military and overseas at war---he didn't have time to worry about sister-had limited phone calls, and staying in touch with his daughter and my mom was more important (it was). But NOW I STILL don't get anything from him, though I've BEGGED him to let me be a part of his life-especially since he's got more kids. I asked him if I would ever get to be a part of nieces life-he said "yeah but you got to get to know her first, she doesn't trust just anyone" I reminded him "I'm NOT just anyone; I'm his SISTER, but wtf ever!"
So here's my issue. I'm 10 weeks pregnant. Mom, has every right to know and every right to be pissed especially since she JUST helped me get out of a sticky situation and (in her mind)I get RIGHT BACK into another. but honestly I'm debating if I don't want to let brother find out through the grapevine like he does me-course nieces mom (that got taken from me) said "he probably won't get over it if you don't tell him and it'll really piss him off even more" cause I'm seriously debating not. But it's not like he worries about how the fuck I feel, and keeps me in the loop, so really, he has NO RIGHT to get mad at me for NOT sharing with him eh??
So I'm thinking about not telling him because
•A) He doesn't ever tell me until O BTW
•B) He doesn't include me in his life
•C) He tells me here's what I did IF I'm at the right place at the right time
•D) I only hear from him when I have his oldest daughter
•E) Because I didn't want to talk to him about what I'm doing he convinced niece's mom to ban me from her and HE doesn't even stay active with her. Both nieces got banned and he's only bio dad to ONE the only reason he has anything to do with #2 is because *I* gave him the bird on his request.
To tell or not to tell brother I'm pregnant. THAT'S the question.
The reason I DIDN'T talk to him about what I'm doing is not only because he doesn't share with me but because I feel like he's trying to babysit me, he's 31 I'm 29. They ARE used to me giving into or listening to them and if I don't do what they suggest, I'm a fool. Until I put my foot down then I'm cut off ONCE AGAIN from the family.
Also, as far as his daughter goes, yes I feel he has right to make decisions for her, and if that includes banning me, he has the right to BUT he's not around regularly to play dad, I go through his xgf SHE has sole custody of both....so why all the sudden does he feel he has the right to step in and say "I'm dad, bow" (as he has said our dad does with us)