Hi All!
My dh is going in for spinal surgery tomorrow morning. We have a crazy several weeks...both my dd and my ss have cheer and football camps. My ds works fulltime and is getting ready to go to college next month. My sd...well her boyfriend is coming in from out of state for 22 days (another issue; not approved by us) so she is pretty much checked out of the family.
I am the queen of carpooling and make sure my kids are where they need to be when they need to be there. We have been trying to contact their mother about this; she refuses to call back. The kids were just there and when dh asked her about it..."I'll let you know".
I have TODAY ONLY to get this all coordinated. We have no way to get him to camp tomorrow. We can get him picked up but not there. The rest of the days we have worked out.
I am just amazed how amazingly selfish this woman is! But I guess it shouldn't surprise me...she did leave her family for another lover!
~Julie In Ohio~
Mom of 4 Teens
"Two wrongs don't make a right!"
I got in trouble....again. called someone a POS. Poster wouldnt allow hubby to give up 37.50 for the skids reading program and I flipped shit.
So, I'm not really in hiding. Made sure I used my same annoying font and everything!
Quoting pepper504:
She beat me to it. I thought it was you and then read what she said and was like "DAMN, JLG beat me." LOL. So, what is up? Why the change?
Quoting perroquet:
When Perroquet was created, you were one of the first people I thought of! "well, she's gonna get this right off the bat!" But it was jlg! LOL!
Quoting pepper504:
Me too. I got stuck taking Spanish in high school and college. Did you know that when my grandmother was in school, they forbade them to speak French and had to speak English only. If they were caught at any time speaking French on the school grounds, they were reprimanded. That is why Cajun French is a dying language, cher.
Quoting jlg12678:
I have my college French to fall back on. Love the language....
Quoting pepper504:
Quoting perroquet:
I mean come on.....
This is when I love that my Granny taught me her native language at a young age, RIP Granny :)
This is your husbands obligation. He scheduled a surgery, on his time, that conflicted with something else he scheduled. His responsibility to figure it out. I'm curious as to why this is such a big thing though, do you not have a single taxi cab in your city? A neighbor with a teenage kid off school for the summer that you can hire ? Did you ask your SD? Can one of the other kids(football camp attendees) parents take him?
Once again I am stunned by several of the replies here but I do thank you for them. I think what surprises me the most about some of the posts is the fact that so many are just thinking about the parents and not about the kids! Aren't we here for the kids? Ultimately who is going to lose out in this situation? The kid!
I think this list is DEFINITELY not for me as it seems like there are alot of angry BM's on here and will never see the other side of the fence and that is unfortunate. I thank those of you who have really tried to reach out and give constructive and kind replies, eventhoug they not agree with my own. I wish you the very best and I will be unsubbing from the list. Take care!
~Julie In Ohio~
Mom of 4 Teens
"Two wrongs don't make a right!"
Damn, see what happens when I have to work for a damn living or go home? I miss E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.! I know what post you are talking about, but missed oot on the good part.
Quoting perroquet:I got in trouble....again. called someone a POS. Poster wouldnt allow hubby to give up 37.50 for the skids reading program and I flipped shit.
So, I'm not really in hiding. Made sure I used my same annoying font and everything!
Quoting pepper504:
She beat me to it. I thought it was you and then read what she said and was like "DAMN, JLG beat me." LOL. So, what is up? Why the change?
Quoting perroquet:
When Perroquet was created, you were one of the first people I thought of! "well, she's gonna get this right off the bat!" But it was jlg! LOL!
Quoting pepper504:
Me too. I got stuck taking Spanish in high school and college. Did you know that when my grandmother was in school, they forbade them to speak French and had to speak English only. If they were caught at any time speaking French on the school grounds, they were reprimanded. That is why Cajun French is a dying language, cher.
Quoting jlg12678:
I have my college French to fall back on. Love the language....
Quoting pepper504:
Quoting perroquet:
I mean come on.....
This is when I love that my Granny taught me her native language at a young age, RIP Granny :)
if bm asked bd, she would be roasted over hot coals, for asking. Because either:
one, if she can't take her kid to camp, than she is unfit for custody.
two, omg bm can't even get her kid to camp, than you know there would be 100 post of eos, whose skids bm can't do simple shit. Than a bm would chime in and we would have gus or typical bm.
three, bm is lazy.
four, bd can't take time off of work, to do her job.
five, sm can't do it, because she's too lazy or has disengaged. Or too bust on cm doing number two.
You already know bm would be roasted over hot coals. And you already know that most bms plan better and know if their ex is reliable.
Quoting jessiesluv:I swear I don't get half of you people sometimes.
If BM wasn't considered, it would be shame on SM/Dad for not asking. Now that she is considered, shame on dad/SM for expecting bm to take their son while dad has surgery. It's not as though he's going to do something fun... But if the situation was reversed, I would lay $50 on it that half of you would be calling dh a POS for not taking the son because you all expect dad to do what bm says. Apparently bm can do whatever she wants and expect dad to ride right along with it no matter what. And you all wonder why SMs can't stand the bms in their sitch.
(You being general.)
Quoting pdxmum:
Not really sarcastic at all. Consideration is a two way street. Upon clarification, it does appear that DH informed BM of his scheduled surgery. Good first step. However, should he expect BM to drop whatever plans she might have because he makes plans? No. That is where my issue is. The expectation that because one parents has plans the other parent MUST change their plans.
If BF asks me, then 99% of the time I will do whatever I can for DDs. When he tells me? Makes it harder for me to be flexible.
For OP, suddenly BM is a selfish woman because she made plans during dads time. I find that generalization to be bullshit.
Quoting jessiesluv:Omg. I hope that you are being sarcastic about them consulting her about the surgery.
Really? As much as I don't like bm, if she couldn't take kid somewhere, I would do it myself. I know dh would as well.
Why should they expect it? Well let's see, because he's bm son too and if this situation were reversed, dad would be the biggest POS dad on here if he didn't pick his son up.
OP, I would just have him miss. Surgery takes priority. Good luck to your husband.
Quoting pdxmum:
I get that they would want her to help, but why should they expect it? Did they consult her when they scheduled the surgery? Did they consider the family's commitments before scheduling?
Or did. They just expect her ex's surgery to become her priority?
I think you need to figure out a different solution to your carpool conflicts.
Quoting perroquet:But wait. Are you guys telling this BM what she should do on time that isnt hers?
(personally, I would get my kid there)
But, if this Dad and SM have cutody of these kids, they cant just get mad when BM just wont up and do what they want her to do. Haveing full custody often means having a bigger chunk of the responsibilty.
lol.. thats all i gotta say
Quoting liltigersmom:
Bm is not available to take her kid to camp.
if bm asked bd, she would be roasted over hot coals, for asking. Because either:
one, if she can't take her kid to camp, than she is unfit for custody.
two, omg bm can't even get her kid to camp, than you know there would be 100 post of eos, whose skids bm can't do simple shit. Than a bm would chime in and we would have gus or typical bm.
three, bm is lazy.
four, bd can't take time off of work, to do her job.
five, sm can't do it, because she's too lazy or has disengaged. Or too bust on cm doing number two.
You already know bm would be roasted over hot coals. And you already know that most bms plan better and know if their ex is reliable.
Quoting jessiesluv:I swear I don't get half of you people sometimes.
If BM wasn't considered, it would be shame on SM/Dad for not asking. Now that she is considered, shame on dad/SM for expecting bm to take their son while dad has surgery. It's not as though he's going to do something fun... But if the situation was reversed, I would lay $50 on it that half of you would be calling dh a POS for not taking the son because you all expect dad to do what bm says. Apparently bm can do whatever she wants and expect dad to ride right along with it no matter what. And you all wonder why SMs can't stand the bms in their sitch.
(You being general.)
Quoting pdxmum:
Not really sarcastic at all. Consideration is a two way street. Upon clarification, it does appear that DH informed BM of his scheduled surgery. Good first step. However, should he expect BM to drop whatever plans she might have because he makes plans? No. That is where my issue is. The expectation that because one parents has plans the other parent MUST change their plans.
If BF asks me, then 99% of the time I will do whatever I can for DDs. When he tells me? Makes it harder for me to be flexible.
For OP, suddenly BM is a selfish woman because she made plans during dads time. I find that generalization to be bullshit.
Quoting jessiesluv:Omg. I hope that you are being sarcastic about them consulting her about the surgery.
Really? As much as I don't like bm, if she couldn't take kid somewhere, I would do it myself. I know dh would as well.
Why should they expect it? Well let's see, because he's bm son too and if this situation were reversed, dad would be the biggest POS dad on here if he didn't pick his son up.
OP, I would just have him miss. Surgery takes priority. Good luck to your husband.
Quoting pdxmum:
I get that they would want her to help, but why should they expect it? Did they consult her when they scheduled the surgery? Did they consider the family's commitments before scheduling?
Or did. They just expect her ex's surgery to become her priority?
I think you need to figure out a different solution to your carpool conflicts.
Quoting perroquet:But wait. Are you guys telling this BM what she should do on time that isnt hers?
(personally, I would get my kid there)
But, if this Dad and SM have cutody of these kids, they cant just get mad when BM just wont up and do what they want her to do. Haveing full custody often means having a bigger chunk of the responsibilty.
Quoting perroquet:I got in trouble....again. called someone a POS. Poster wouldnt allow hubby to give up 37.50 for the skids reading program and I flipped shit.
So, I'm not really in hiding. Made sure I used my same annoying font and everything!
Quoting pepper504:
She beat me to it. I thought it was you and then read what she said and was like "DAMN, JLG beat me." LOL. So, what is up? Why the change?
Quoting perroquet:
When Perroquet was created, you were one of the first people I thought of! "well, she's gonna get this right off the bat!" But it was jlg! LOL!
Quoting pepper504:
Me too. I got stuck taking Spanish in high school and college. Did you know that when my grandmother was in school, they forbade them to speak French and had to speak English only. If they were caught at any time speaking French on the school grounds, they were reprimanded. That is why Cajun French is a dying language, cher.
Quoting jlg12678:
I have my college French to fall back on. Love the language....
Quoting pepper504:
Quoting perroquet:
I mean come on.....
This is when I love that my Granny taught me her native language at a young age, RIP Granny :)
If BP doesn't have the money to see the kid.
Do You Think 50/50 Custody Is Good For the Kids?
- drumlinemama
on Jul. 10, 2012 at 7:47 AM