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I am a step mom that no one wants!

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I am a step mom to 5 kids 15-24 yrs of age.  The 15 year olds are twins boy and girl they are the ones I have the most problems with.  The 15 yr old girl lived with us my husband got custody of her because she hates her mom.  Well, now she hates me!! The problem is she hates rules and NO ONE makes her  follow them!!!  She moves out again 2 months ago.  I found out she was running her mouth again spreading lies about me and I confronted her about it, not in a yelling match or anything at he kitchen table with her father. I also found out she is drinking and smoking.   All she would do is say idk and shrug her shoulders!  Now, she wants nothing to do with her father since he chose me over her, so what do I do??? This is just the latest problem with his kids.  His oldest son stole money from my son ( I have one child 18)  and was never made to repay, he is working.  His 15 yr old son was allowed to call my son names on the internet and was never made to remove or punished in anyway.  His 21 yr old heroin addict daughter moved in with us for awhile to get "clean"  to just bring her habits here and put my son in danger with her tweeked out friends who also tried to steal from my son!!!  Tried to steal his motorcycle and tried to get him in a car alone with them!!  I called cops of course now she wants nothing to do with me.  The only one that has not screwed me over is his oldest daughter but I fear being around her for the sins of the others. This is just my life in a nut shell. 

We have only been married 9 months, he moved into my house with his kids.  I have no say over his kids and what they do.  They have no respect for me or my home.  The only time I am in the picture is when they want something, only because our money is joint.  But they don't want to see me or be around me. 

Any advice??? I just can't take much more.  There have been so many other things that I feel my husband has let his children do.  It does hurt my feelings because I don't feel I deserve to be treated like this.  All  I did was open my home and tried to make everyone comfortable and make them feel at home to the point where I don't feel like it is my home anymore.  

Sorry for the rambling...I am all alone in a house that used to be mine :(

 

by on Jul. 15, 2012 at 10:03 AM
Replies (11-20):
grownsexy
by on Jul. 15, 2012 at 6:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Your not rambling. You have every reason to vent. It sounds like you are in the middle of a hot ass mess. I don't know if I would even stay in that situation. I admire you. I probably would have annulled the marraige by now. You might have to go Madea on the family and whip them into shape. I don't play the games that they are playing and I don't have your courage they would be out of my house and life. Everybody over eighteen would have six months to get the hell out of my house. It would be an ultimatum. If I was working I would take my son and say deuces to him and his dysfunctional children. Good luck to you.

LISAMORRISON1
by on Jul. 15, 2012 at 6:47 PM
Comments like this make me want to scream. Glad everything has always been.perfect in your world.

Quoting alissaplusthree:

You opened your home, and he does not care about how his children treat you. What does that say?

This is the man you chose to marry.  I have to assume you knew beforehand that he had problem children. If not, well now you do. 

Now that you see how things are going to be, what choice do you think you should make now?


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LISAMORRISON1
by on Jul. 15, 2012 at 6:52 PM
2 moms liked this
Sometimes I truly believe a husband can truly love his wife but just sucks at being a father even at his wifes expense. Not an excuse at all but my dh is wonderful to me but when it comes to discipline,standing his ground with kids he stinks.
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pristine729
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2012 at 6:57 PM

What?! Wait a minute...let me get this straight... they moved into YOUR home?? And your husband allows them to disrespect you?? Oh hell no...ungrateful! No freaking way.... I've dealt with drug addicts and I know exactly what you are going through. You will reach a breaking point. You should be able to be relaxed in your own home. At peace, ya know? You're husband should have your back. You need to be on the same side. Does he have his own addictions? You definiately have a say. Defend yourself. "This is our home. These are our rules. You do not have to live here if you don't like them." 


Good luck

alissaplusthree
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2012 at 6:58 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting LISAMORRISON1:

Comments like this make me want to scream. Glad everything has always been.perfect in your world.

Quoting alissaplusthree:

You opened your home, and he does not care about how his children treat you. What does that say?

This is the man you chose to marry.  I have to assume you knew beforehand that he had problem children. If not, well now you do. 

Now that you see how things are going to be, what choice do you think you should make now?


Wow! You are jumping to conclusions. AND you are WAAAAYYYYY off.

I was in an abusive relationship for over 15 years, and I still get death threats. I finally learned that I could not change other people AND that I had more control of my own situation than I thought.  It came after I was able to take a step back and reflect on the decisions I had made in my past.

I was trying to get her to reflect on what she said, and her own past decisions. The answers to her problems lie within herself. Many of them are right in her post.

newstepmom61811
by on Jul. 15, 2012 at 6:59 PM
1 mom liked this
These kids don't get this far gone in 9 months, they were troubled loooonnnggg before you got there, whether you knew it or not. That tells you how DH was and is going to handle things. With kids this age, and honestly patterns this entrenched from before you got there I'm not sure much will change that won't be hell to live through. Your real one question is if it would be worth trying to live through. I would probably get out. All the kids are seriously troubled and they are not young, for whatever reason neither BM or DH have been effective parents to the whole bunch, for many years. Now, DH is not handling them either effectively, this is not temporary, this is just how that family exists, dysfunctionally. If you don't fit, you don't fit, I don't think you can change it. It's not like the dynamic of a reasonably functional family with one troubled or rebellious teen or a special needs child that just requires special handling. This is just how this family works or more correctly, doesn't work, that I'm not sure can be fixed...good luck
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LISAMORRISON1
by on Jul. 15, 2012 at 7:05 PM
When its all laid out there like that then I totally agree. We as woman are a lot stronger than we think.

Quoting alissaplusthree:



Quoting LISAMORRISON1:

Comments like this make me want to scream. Glad everything has always been.perfect in your world.



Quoting alissaplusthree:

You opened your home, and he does not care about how his children treat you. What does that say?

This is the man you chose to marry.  I have to assume you knew beforehand that he had problem children. If not, well now you do. 

Now that you see how things are going to be, what choice do you think you should make now?


Wow! You are jumping to conclusions. AND you are WAAAAYYYYY off.

I was in an abusive relationship for over 15 years, and I still get death threats. I finally learned that I could not change other people AND that I had more control of my own situation than I thought.  It came after I was able to take a step back and reflect on the decisions I had made in my past.

I was trying to get her to reflect on what she said, and her own past decisions. The answers to her problems lie within herself. Many of them are right in her post.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
alissaplusthree
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2012 at 7:15 PM


Quoting LISAMORRISON1:

When its all laid out there like that then I totally agree. We as woman are a lot stronger than we think.

Quoting alissaplusthree:



Quoting LISAMORRISON1:

Comments like this make me want to scream. Glad everything has always been.perfect in your world.



Quoting alissaplusthree:

You opened your home, and he does not care about how his children treat you. What does that say?

This is the man you chose to marry.  I have to assume you knew beforehand that he had problem children. If not, well now you do. 

Now that you see how things are going to be, what choice do you think you should make now?


Wow! You are jumping to conclusions. AND you are WAAAAYYYYY off.

I was in an abusive relationship for over 15 years, and I still get death threats. I finally learned that I could not change other people AND that I had more control of my own situation than I thought.  It came after I was able to take a step back and reflect on the decisions I had made in my past.

I was trying to get her to reflect on what she said, and her own past decisions. The answers to her problems lie within herself. Many of them are right in her post.

Thank you.


Lasttime
by on Jul. 15, 2012 at 8:31 PM

I agree with most of this...except I'd just kick them all out.

This guy is allowing them to treat her badly?  Right?  I would say, "see ya" to him also.

Quoting whatIknownow:

wow, what a mess. I would probably kick them all out. and go back to dating your DH. He can live with his kids and deal with them. Then when they are all grown and out of the house, he can come back and you can live as husband and wife again. But right now I think his priority should be his kids. And they have a lot of issues, so he should devote himself to dealing with them.


Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jul. 15, 2012 at 8:56 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting sandeeyo:

I'd kick them ALL out.  Lock, stock, and Husband.  Fuck that shit.  It's your house, the LEAST they could do is respect your rules and help out.

DH needs to deal with his kids, and if he refuses to, it's not your job...tell him to get them ALL in line or LEAVE with them.

damn sandee you're spending too much time around me!!!


I agree.FUCK THAT SHIT-ALL OF IT!!! ESP THE HEROIN ADDICT. my sister was addicted-my mother allowed her and HER boyfriend to live with us-multiple times they stole from our parents/younger sister/brother and myself-It finally came to blows (literally when i smashed her face into the wall) when i found checks from my daughter's ssi account made out to her for various amounts.

brought charges against them both and contacted DYFS (cps) regarding their son who was being neglected.

you have a duty to yourself/your son and your house.

if they refuse to leave-call the cops. I hope the house is only in your name-that can help-since DH's name isn't on the deed-he has to go as well.

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