I took DF aside, in our room, and discussed my frustration with this new hobby. At first he was passing it off as "that's how she learns things," but there's a big difference between asking questions to learn things versus DEMANDING to have conversations repeated and explained to her that she doesn't need to worry about. DF and I both also noticed that this seems to be upping SD's anxiety level. She's convinced everything involves her so therefore worries about EVERYTHING. This it's not only rude, but causing her to get worked up. She doesnt need to worry about whether DF has a load of laundry to be done; I was asking HIM that, not her. She is really anxious to begin with and this is NOT HELPING.
Fast forward through a bunch of bad behaviors, and we decided we needed to talk w/BM about all of this. However, DF and BM have determined if SD sees the two of them talking more than a few minutes @ trade-off, SD knows it's bad news for her. She will do all in her power to interrupt, distract, and keep them from talking. So instead, I started to talk to BM while Df was helping SD get her stuff together.
I explained about the inserting herself into EVERY discussion, and the anxiety it is causing SD (on top of the rudeness factor). BM said she's seen SD do that when BM is talking to her mom (SD's Gma) and admitted SD does it when BM tries to talk on the phone. So, it is happening there too.
I said ok, watch her face after she does it- she is freaking out over stuff that doesn't concern her, plus being rude. BM agreed SD needs a reminder she is not the center of creation and that other people CAN talk to each other without her being part of it. DF came through the kitchen and added we hadn't been able to have a single conversation, with each other or DD, unless we closed the door. This isn't about conversations not meant for little ears; those do go behind closed doors. This is about just general everyday interactions that simply don't revolve around SD and her hijacking conversations.
BM agreed SD's selfishness has been rampant lately. Apparently one of SD's friends is having a major problem w/the same conversation hogging (and snotty attitude to boot) so she said she will watch for that. Yay for co-parenting!
So, they're heading out the door, and BM tells SD to grab a bag. SD ignores her and starts toward the door. BM again says, take a bag- interrupted by SD talking right over her about something else. BM again starts to talk, SD turns her back to her. DF started to say something, but I motioned for him to wait...this was BM's move.
BM sternly said, "I am TALKING TO YOU and you need to turn around and LISTEN. Stop being rude."
SD turns around, shoots mom an icy look and declares, "Now you're just like everyone else."
Ding ding ding!!!!!
BM asked who was "everyone else"?
SD said, "Daddy and K. NOW, you sound just. Like. THEM."
There was a pause.
BM said, "Because you are being rude to me, too."
We all explained that NO ONE likes her rude behavior. I reminded SD it's not ok, wherever she is. DF piped in with, "See, we've TOLD you Mommy doesn't like it either, and here's Mommy, telling you, HERSELF."
SD stomped out to the car with a big scowl.
I hope BM doesn't back off. SD finally had a reality check that her dad and I aren't alone in seeing her behavior.
I wish I could've been a fly on the wall at BM's house last night. If she can stop worrying about being SD's buddy and focus on being a parent, maybe a united front will stop the obnoxious behavior and make weekends more peaceful...