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I dont understand so would like to hear from bm and sm

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 11:44 AM
  • 61 Replies

I am both a mom (no sm for my ds4 yet) and sm. I see a lot on here that sm's can't pick up kids or be the one to recieve kids if bd not there, watch kids, go to sk events even if bd and sk wants etc. all per the bm. and I see a lot of people on here back the bm up on this. However the bd is to accept whoever the bm chooses as so/sf. they get to go to all the events, do pu/do How is this at all fair? Why does it all revolve on what bm wants? last time I checked bd is a parent too.

by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 11:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 16, 2012 at 11:48 AM

I haven't seen any BMs here say they won't let their ex's wife pick up the kids or watch the kids. Except maybe if the Dad isn't going to be around for a significant portion of his visitation.  Can you give a specific example of a mom who said that here?

TempestRayne
by Donna on Jul. 16, 2012 at 11:49 AM

I've never encountered a situation like this. I think it needs to go both ways, myself. I agree with you that if one has to accept everything, so does the other.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2012 at 11:50 AM

BM used to have a fit if DH wasn't able to get the kids and would tell me I couldn't.  Since there was nothing in the CO about it she couldn't really dictate that and DH let her know.  At the time DH had just started back to work after several months of being unemployed.  She could either get her CS, or he would take the time off of work to get his kids.  She stopped bitching after that.

Now that DH is CP he will not allow SF to do any pick ups.  If BM can't get him until 3 hours later after she gets off of work then that is what happens.  DH refuses to drive him to BM"s house like she demanded.  It all works out because SF refuses to do anything for SS anyway.

court_1989
by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 11:51 AM

 its been in the replies I've seen on posts. I can't remember exact people who said it, sorry

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 16, 2012 at 11:52 AM


Quoting WifeyC:

BM used to have a fit if DH wasn't able to get the kids and would tell me I couldn't.  Since there was nothing in the CO about it she couldn't really dictate that and DH let her know.  At the time DH had just started back to work after several months of being unemployed.  She could either get her CS, or he would take the time off of work to get his kids.  She stopped bitching after that.

Now that DH is CP he will not allow SF to do any pick ups.  If BM can't get him until 3 hours later after she gets off of work then that is what happens.  DH refuses to drive him to BM"s house like she demanded.  It all works out because SF refuses to do anything for SS anyway.

oh I remember the SF was an absolute asshole though. Wasn't he the one who would make your DH sit in the driveway and wait if he got there 5 minutes early? or something like that?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 16, 2012 at 11:53 AM


Quoting court_1989:

 its been in the replies I've seen on posts. I can't remember exact people who said it, sorry

Maybe it was specific to that particular situation. You can't take the replies out of context and apply them to other situations, because all the sitches are different.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2012 at 11:56 AM


Quoting whatIknownow:

 

Quoting WifeyC:

BM used to have a fit if DH wasn't able to get the kids and would tell me I couldn't.  Since there was nothing in the CO about it she couldn't really dictate that and DH let her know.  At the time DH had just started back to work after several months of being unemployed.  She could either get her CS, or he would take the time off of work to get his kids.  She stopped bitching after that.

Now that DH is CP he will not allow SF to do any pick ups.  If BM can't get him until 3 hours later after she gets off of work then that is what happens.  DH refuses to drive him to BM"s house like she demanded.  It all works out because SF refuses to do anything for SS anyway.

oh I remember the SF was an absolute asshole though. Wasn't he the one who would make your DH sit in the driveway and wait if he got there 5 minutes early? or something like that?

He is an absolute abusive asshole and is not allowed in our driveway.  That has nothing to do with BM not wanting me to pick the kids up.  That was her just being a pain in the ass.

court_1989
by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 12:05 PM
That's why I'm trying to find out why a bm might do this as a pp said. Bm had no reason to do so and changed her tune when bd mentioned taking time off work to get child but how he has reason to not let sf because he's abusive.
liltigersmom
by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 12:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I think you're, confusing that with if it causes drama, and affects the kids in a negative way, than don't go.

That goes for sm/sf.

Pick your battles.

Is the drama worth it?
is it worth showing your ass, because you have a marriage certificate?
Is the pointless drama really worth it?
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Pero1
by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 12:08 PM

It isn't fair and shouldn't be like that! The BPs should agree the amount of involvement the SPs should have and this should apply to both SPs.

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