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 I have been noticing that so many of you women are CSM's and your DH's have custody of their children. My DH and I are really wanting to take both of his BM's to court to get full cutody but he thinks there is no way the judge ever rules in favor of the father. So, my question is WHY did your DH end up with custody and HOW did you get the courts to see it your way?

by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 7:16 PM
Replies (31-40):
MrsJaiClark
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 11:30 PM

 

Quoting ROBIN-C:

 

Quoting MrsJaiClark:

 Unfortunately we do not have any of that to use. These women APPEAR to be good mothers but are manipulative and demanding. One in particular is constantly making false accusations and they both take every opportunity possible to alienate DH from his children. They withhold the children and threaten to take DH back to court (to raise CS, to get full custody etc) if DH does not "do as they say". These women work in tandem in order to put a double burden on us to eventually wear us down. There is only so much we can take. These women should not be allowed to threaten, intimidate and harass us ALL THE TIME!

 well you start documenting everything. every time they with-hold the child from DH you document date and their reasoning. i would say for 6 months.

then you take evidence to court and also request that the ex's NOT be able to have contact with each other due to working together to keeps their kids away from DH.... Our lawyer said that we cannot tell them who they can and cannot speak to, even if they are willfully harming us or the childrens time with DH. :( hopefully you will have evidence to support this.

its doubtful you would end up with custody of either, unless with-holding child is extreme and for long periods of time. but you will at that point have evidence of with-holding on court records and she will be in contempt if she keeps it up. We spoke with a counselor today and she verified that although it will be a long hard road that yes we should be able to get custody of the children based on the withholding. She said DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT as well. :)

unless you can prove abuse or neglect chances of DH getting full custody is slim.

 

MrsJaiClark
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 11:35 PM

 What is the app? This is what BM2 does. She withholds SD but then when she needs us she expects us to drop everything and take SD...which we do EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. (even if DH is not home BM2 will beg me and I always say yes). I tell DH to take pictures of how filthy they both bring the kids but he never does. I have told him that I cannot do this. If he wants this then he needs to do the foot work. 

Quoting notuseless:

we documented  (took pictures, recorded all phone calls  (there is an app) and every time bm handed us the kids when it was her time we wrote it on the calendar.)

 

MrsJaiClark
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 11:36 PM

 Thank you so much! Do you mind if I send you a friend request in case I have questions later? Oh and the kids are 2, 9 and 10. :)

Quoting 3munschkins:

my DH got custody for a few reasons: 

first off BM decided to move over 150 miles from the original home at time custody was rendered when she first left my DH. At the time of court she had three counts of possible contempt on her.  The kids were 13 and 10.  They did not want to move and had been asking for years to live with us anyway.  We got them into counseling and alot more info came out. 

Secondly, BM have over the years done what WIKN's ex's BM did below in the quote.  She repeatedly interferred with the kids and BF's relationships, tried to alienate them from him, etc.  Over time the judge saw her true colors and that this was all her fault.  He even told her that multiple times in court recently..... He told her she had no one to blame but herself for all of this. 

Third, BM is abusive mentally, verbally, and has gotten physical with my SS.  All of that was also brought up in court by the kids' counselor and the kids themselves.  Because of her pattern of lack of being in the best interest of the children and disregard to their health and their BF, the judge granted my DH (BF) Principle/Primary Custody of the kids.  She is not even allowed to take the kids to any appointments without his written permission.  (medical, dental, eye, counseling, etc.)

there is alot more, I could go on and on.... lol.  if you need more ask... lol

Quoting whatIknownow:

oh, just thought of this.

Before I was married to DH, I dated a guy who had custody of his DD. He had gotten custody of her, because her mom had violated the CO so many times, and had clearly demonstrated a pattern of behavior that showed she was deliberately interferring with the DD's relationship with her father. THAT was the basis for the over-turning of the custody.

 


 

maria1613
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 11:44 PM
In our, well my boyfriends, situation. His ex wife was unfit to have custody, and he wasn't able to care for her financially speaking so she went to live with her aunt (bm's sister). When she was 16 she was able to decide where she wanted to live and she chose her dad. And he was able to care for her in every way better than he would've been able to at the time of divorce. And she's a lot closer with my boyfriend(her dad) than she is with her mom. They settled everything out of court so it was never an issue with the courts. Also BM was still unfit to care for her
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child_of_fire
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2012 at 12:20 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm fascinated reading this. BM didn't want custody-- in reality. Actually wanted to have it on paper but wanted DSD to live with DH. He's not stupid, so that didn't happen. She used to travel a lot, so she rarely took the time she had-- basically, DH didn't have competition. He could have buried her-- her family was poised to testify for him-- but he didn't have to. We're grateful: our family court experiences make it seem like a crapshoot.
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OregonMom80
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2012 at 10:33 AM
1 mom liked this
This. DH followed the CO and agreements they had and documented every time she didn't. In a year he had 14 pages. When she realized he had all of it documented about DSS not showering, health issues not treated, not following the CO, withholding DSS during long parenting time, etc. She caved and agreed to give DH 50/50.

The judge typically won't read it all. It's more useful in terms of mediation, but if the state assigns a GAL or FOC to meet with everyone and make a suggestion, that person will read it.

Quoting SteppingUp_AZ:

Document Document Document... and play "nice" with the BM.

We document everything we can.  But, because we live in fear of court (too many horror stories about good dads losing what little custody they have because we are in a seriously pro-mother state / city), we played nice with the BM.  And were able to come to an agreement that we then documented and filed with the courts.  We've increased custody from 1 day a week to 50/50.  It's a dream come true for us!


TempestRayne
by Donna on Jul. 18, 2012 at 10:40 AM

I have wondered the same thing.

ekh2010
by Member on Jul. 18, 2012 at 10:42 AM
We went to court once a month for a year. She was on drugs and in and out of jail. One of the final straws was when she got out of jail took dsd frm daycare and left the county. Cps got involved and started really looking. You have to be consistent and document everything. Google kangaroo court. Also onefatherslove.com. Look for a fathers group not to block you (sm) out but they hv resources that maybsurprise you. I know its hard to be patient but the more they work to fuck you over the more they will make mistakes....hugs mama
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notuseless
by Member on Jul. 18, 2012 at 11:44 AM
1 mom liked this

the app is record my call for android phones, you can take pictures i would  take pictures with the tv on with the date and time showing, you can take pictures of his kids. document every time she denies you visitation too it will help you.

Quoting MrsJaiClark:

 What is the app? This is what BM2 does. She withholds SD but then when she needs us she expects us to drop everything and take SD...which we do EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. (even if DH is not home BM2 will beg me and I always say yes). I tell DH to take pictures of how filthy they both bring the kids but he never does. I have told him that I cannot do this. If he wants this then he needs to do the foot work. 

Quoting notuseless:

we documented  (took pictures, recorded all phone calls  (there is an app) and every time bm handed us the kids when it was her time we wrote it on the calendar.)

 


3munschkins
by Member on Jul. 18, 2012 at 12:06 PM
not at all. :-)

Quoting MrsJaiClark:

 Thank you so much! Do you mind if I send you a friend request in case I have questions later? Oh and the kids are 2, 9 and 10. :)


Quoting 3munschkins:


my DH got custody for a few reasons: 


first off BM decided to move over 150 miles from the original home at time custody was rendered when she first left my DH. At the time of court she had three counts of possible contempt on her.  The kids were 13 and 10.  They did not want to move and had been asking for years to live with us anyway.  We got them into counseling and alot more info came out. 


Secondly, BM have over the years done what WIKN's ex's BM did below in the quote.  She repeatedly interferred with the kids and BF's relationships, tried to alienate them from him, etc.  Over time the judge saw her true colors and that this was all her fault.  He even told her that multiple times in court recently..... He told her she had no one to blame but herself for all of this. 


Third, BM is abusive mentally, verbally, and has gotten physical with my SS.  All of that was also brought up in court by the kids' counselor and the kids themselves.  Because of her pattern of lack of being in the best interest of the children and disregard to their health and their BF, the judge granted my DH (BF) Principle/Primary Custody of the kids.  She is not even allowed to take the kids to any appointments without his written permission.  (medical, dental, eye, counseling, etc.)


there is alot more, I could go on and on.... lol.  if you need more ask... lol


Quoting whatIknownow:


oh, just thought of this.


Before I was married to DH, I dated a guy who had custody of his DD. He had gotten custody of her, because her mom had violated the CO so many times, and had clearly demonstrated a pattern of behavior that showed she was deliberately interferring with the DD's relationship with her father. THAT was the basis for the over-turning of the custody.


 




 

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