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where to start? (finding a bio child)

Posted by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:04 AM
  • 61 Replies

 gonna keep the story short as possible: s/o has a son, 5 years old i think. when child was just 2 weeks old s/o was hospitalized adn BM took off to another state with the child. s/o found this out when he got out of hospital. BM told him that she just needed to go home for a bit. for 6 months she lead him on saying she was coming back. reality was that she knew what she was doing and at 6 months she applied for abandonment and got full custody.

i dont need to hear the questions about how could he let it go on for 6 months etc. young and dumb is the answer. and as to why he hasnt seen child in past 5 years, well he lost all rights in abandonment case.

he hopes now that the child is school age he would be able to track down the child through public school records. Last contact from BM was when child was 3 years old. BM has remarried and s/o doesnt know her last name. heck maybe childs last name was changed too?

where do you even start to find a child in this case? he knows the state. are school records on file and avalible to public? if so how do you access them?

the BM has a job that requires a specialty license... is there a way to search by that? would her maiden name be on file?

just so hard to know where to start when BM has differnt last name that he doesnt know and we dont know if the childs last name has been changed.

and yes, i know that this is NOT my situation to take care of! just asking in case someone on here has suggestions for s/o. it eats away at him! at least once a month he has a breakdown over this. if nothing else he just needs updates on his son and pictures, just need to know that his son is ok and taken care of! he cries and shakes wondering if his son is being told that his dad doesnt care about him etc. s/o has a bank acct set up for his son and savings bonds and keeps a box of things to give to his son that he adds to often.

by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CoochieLibre
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:07 AM

You could try www.peekyou.com and see if that turns up anything?

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:10 AM
If he has no rights you don't look at this point. He will not be able to interact with the kid anyway if he is no longer legally the parent (I'm assuming the abandonment charge severed everything).

Has he seen an attorney for advice? And I definitely think counseling would help him.
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perroquet
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:13 AM

 

Quoting jlg12678:

If he has no rights you don't look at this point. He will not be able to interact with the kid anyway if he is no longer legally the parent (I'm assuming the abandonment charge severed everything).

Has he seen an attorney for advice? And I definitely think counseling would help him.

 This. It sounds alot like an adoption situation. He gave up his rights. Young and dumb or not, thats what it amounts to.

ROBIN-C
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:21 AM

 

Quoting perroquet:

 

Quoting jlg12678:

If he has no rights you don't look at this point. He will not be able to interact with the kid anyway if he is no longer legally the parent (I'm assuming the abandonment charge severed everything).

Has he seen an attorney for advice? And I definitely think counseling would help him.

 This. It sounds alot like an adoption situation. He gave up his rights. Young and dumb or not, thats what it amounts to.

 he did not give up his rights. he was acussed of abandonment and rights were taken away. i guess the details dont really matter though.

at this point i think he needs to at least try for his sanity, being totally serious! maybe BM has changed and will at least give him updates like she use to. if nothing comes of it at least he will have paperwork to prove that he tried for later on when/if he gets to see his son. this was not his choice, he believed BM when she said she was coming back. he didnt know about abandonment back then, nor did he think he had abandoned his child since he was in constant contact with BM for those 6 months.

ROBIN-C
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:23 AM

 

Quoting CoochieLibre:

You could try www.peekyou.com and see if that turns up anything?

 thank you! i will pass this along to s/o!

ROBIN-C
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:25 AM

 and yes i am going to tell him to go to counseling. i can not do much to help but listen. i will go with him for support.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:28 AM


Quoting perroquet:

 

Quoting jlg12678:

If he has no rights you don't look at this point. He will not be able to interact with the kid anyway if he is no longer legally the parent (I'm assuming the abandonment charge severed everything).

Has he seen an attorney for advice? And I definitely think counseling would help him.

 This. It sounds alot like an adoption situation. He gave up his rights. Young and dumb or not, thats what it amounts to.

I agree with both of you BUT, if this were my child and this happened to me, I'd stalk the hell  out of them to the ends of the earth till I found my son.

How about hiring a private detective? it's pricey but it might be worth it.

Pero1
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:29 AM

I'd send him to counselling before he starts searching. He might just open up a can of worms and be unable to deal with it otherwise!

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:30 AM

What does he plan on doing if he does find this child?

Pero1
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 8:31 AM


Quoting WifeyC:

What does he plan on doing if he does find this child?

That's exactly what I meant with the "can of worms".

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