I haven't posted to CafeMom in quite sometime, but today I think I need it.
I am a proud StepMother who has raised her stepchildren for the last 15 years. They are my children and I would do anything for them. SD graduated from HS this past June and we have been getting ready to start life in College. She is a sensitive soul who worried about moving away from home. However, DH and I agreed it was time for us to make a move and get out of the small town we live in. So, to support our daughter, we put our home up for sale and purchased a new home in another state, just 20 mins from the school that our daughter chose. I felt that by being closer we could help support her and still give her the freedom to grow and start her own life.
Well, we are two weeks away from the move and just 5 weeks from school starting. Last night SD had a meltdown because she got in trouble for not doing 1 of 2 chores (taking out the trash) she had been assigned. She started with typical teenage attitude and then looked me in the eye and said she was tired of my BS. Now, mind you....I had just walked in the door from work and this was an issue between her and DH. She said she wasn't staying in our home, packed her stuff and DH took her to her Mother's 4 hours away. She left without saying goodbye to me.
Now, there is always the back details....her mother sees her about 2-3 times a year, has never paid child support and surrendered custody when sd was 2 and ss was 4. She is a good person, but not meant to be a full time parent. DH and I had agreed to pay 100% of all college expenses with the condition that a 2.7 GPA was maintained. SS had some issues early on, failed to meet his end of the bargain and we revoked college tuition money. He is now back in school and fighting his way to success, but understands he has our support, but not our money. SD has now walked away for her free ride as well. Crazy to think that earlier in the day yesterday I made a deal to buy SD a new used car to ensure she had reliable transportation.
I am so angry that at this moment I can't imagine seeing her again. I raised her like my own and she just dropped me like a hot potato. It hurts. I know I am not her Mom and so running to her bio mom was what she would do, but how can I get passed this. I am the one who stayed up nights with fevers, upset stomachs, nightmares. I nursed broken hearts and celebrated amazing report cards. I did Prom shopping and cried as the limo pulled away. I did all the college visits and orientations. I do push my kids, I will never apologize for that. But I do not beleive I have pushed anyone to the edge. The rage in her eyes will haunt me forever.
So, now I own two homes, I have changed my career for this girl. She has affected her older brothers financial aid status, left her 9 year old brother hiding behind a chair because he will never see his sister again. DH left for work (he is military) and all he has said is "I'm done".
How does your family fall to pieces in less than 3 hours......and how do you not fall to pieces as you cut off one of your children and pray that they find there way? How does a really good kid walk away? Yes, there is a boyfriend, who we were anxious to get her away from.....but honestly, he told her she was making a mistake and she walked away from him too.
Thanks for listening....just need to release some of that and don't want to run to friends and family. I am actually so embarrassed.