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am I being a b*****?

Posted by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 11:13 PM
  • 18 Replies
First off, my family and I are not extremely close. My bio mom doesn't interact with my children so they have only my dh, his parents and me for holidays and celebrations. I was trying to discuss birthday/Christmas plans with dh because money is tight and he doesn't want to get our usual RAL from income tax and we r looking at around $100 for each kid for Christmas. He suggested spending $125 on ea of the older children (ss16 & sd14) because the things they want are more expensive, leaving ds8 & dd18 mo with $75 ea for Christmas gifts. I was/am against that because they get 2of, birthday, Thanksgiving etc. So we are arguing and I'm so tired of all the I being a b****?
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by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 11:13 PM
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by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2012 at 11:27 PM
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Nope. Same amount for each kid. Besides these days toddler toys can be just as expensive. Oh andif he really wants to spend more on the older kids tell him to get a temporary second job!

by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 11:35 PM
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We try to keep things fair. Even with $100 the older kids could still get something nice.
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by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2012 at 11:51 PM

Also side note. I realize me and XH have a really good relationship but at christmas/birthday if its something really big that we agree that DS may like we go halfsy. Just a thought.

by on Jul. 19, 2012 at 12:17 AM

We have avoided these issues so far by having him buy for his family, me for mine.  I buy some things for DSS, but I spend what I'm comfortable with and leave the rest up to his dad.  Once we have our own, we've agreed it will be the same across the board for the kids.  DH and I each had our traditions with our families, so rather than mess things all up, it was easier to just do it this way.  Of course, we have separate finances as well to keep his ex out of my back pocket.  I know some people think it is strange, but we both know how much the other has, how much they make, and have access to bank records at all times . . . it works for us though because we each contribute our fair share toward bills and saving toward house/vacation/etc., but the rest of our money is ours to do with as we wish.  We never fight about money.

by on Jul. 19, 2012 at 5:52 AM

SD is 27, and yes, she usually does get more expensive presents, because at 12, DD doesn't need them. We obviously don't leave the price tags on them, so nobody would know.

by on Jul. 19, 2012 at 6:44 AM
eh, id be upset too. Dh does xmas based on number. If one of his sons has 16 gifts, then the other two will as well.

i hate that kind of shopping since i much prefer shopping sales and starting to stock up months in advance.

this christmas he said he is just giving the boys cash/gift cards. I still think he should get them a little something meaningful for each kid. I dont like the idea of just not giving a gift.

We will buy for dd's who will be about 2 years and estimated 4 months.
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by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2012 at 7:31 AM

dd11 gets only from me and my family. so she does tend to get more than ss9 here.  because he also gets from his mom,his mothers family and dh's family. dh 's family doesnt  do anything for dd. not a big deal to me .

xh family does nothing for dd. so i over compensate. ss had a fit the first time so dh explained to him the deal. dh agrees with me. on dd getting more. he feels bad for her . and ss gets a lot of doubles because bm wont give anyone lists .

by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2012 at 7:34 AM
We do the same amount for everyone. Depending on how good of a year we had or what our finances look like we get a number total and then divide it by 4 and split it among them.
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by on Jul. 19, 2012 at 7:38 AM
I kind of agree with him. Little kids love opening presents. A pile of $10 gifts is more fun to open than one $100 present.
Teens...they are happy with the one present if it's what they wanted.

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by on Jul. 19, 2012 at 7:43 AM
No your not, but in his eyes he wants to look like the better parent m, its a war with him.n his ex, and he thinks the younger kids will be OK and will be happy with anything.

Just a holiday idea try layaway, Kmart still has it. You can also start shopping now. Get one item for a kid aweek. If you guys can. And maybe you can end up getting a bigger Christmas. This year we have 3 kids. Its going to be a lot different. I don't know how I will feel BC my SS has his dad, Bm (if she's sober by then, Bm parents, dads ex and her mom and family, not to mention my dh family which is huge. Our DD gets treated like second banana his family didn't get her anything past two years. And like you my biological parents aren't involved. I don't talk to any of my other family.
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