BM tries to send DSD food for at our house (but not for any of the other kids!) Grrr...
I have been having an issue with DSD (15) about food. When I go shopping I ask everyone in the house for input and she always says "I don't know" and brushes me off. Then when I don't get the snacks she wants she complains. But not to me. She complains to BM! And she refuses to eat the food that I buy because she will actually have to get off her butt and prepare something. And then she complains to BM. But not to me.
At our house we do not do lots of snacks nor do we do individual purchases. At BM's house each person gets a box of snack food just for them and no one shares. We have 5 people in our house so I am not going to buy 5 different kinds of snack for each person to horde. All our food is shared. If someone really wants a solo box of something (say crackers) I will buy it, but I will also buy the family a box so that no one gets left out.
So, last week DSD was with us and BM sent over a big bag of snack food for DSD. She hid it in her room. These snacks were just for DSD and not meant to be shared with everyone. When I saw that bag, DSD said in a cutesy voice "Look what my mommy sent for me!". I told her to take it back to her moms because we are the ones to provide food for her at our house. When asked about it her mom said "Well I just want to make sure she gets what she wants at both houses." WTF!? We have two other kids here. How is it ok to give one child a big bag of junk food when the other two are not going to get the same? What a way to create animosity! Well DSD and BM do not get it. They do not understand how one child having a bag of treats would make the others feel crappy. They do not get why anyone should have to share anything. They feel that everyone should get their personalized and unique items. Well, that doesn't work when you have 5 people living on a fixed income. I cannot afford to do that, nor would I want to because we (BF and I) feel that sharing is a vital skill to learn. They do not understand that their way does not work for us and that DSD is going to have to learn to work with us on these things. (If she asked for something I would buy it. But she never asks.)
DSD also got talked to for not being honest with us about what she wants to eat and then complaining behind our backs to her mom. The honsesty part was a big thing for us. You don't say you don't need anything and then talk differently to you mom when you don't get what you didn't ask for! I must say, I felt like a crappy mom when BM sent over food. I felt like they thought that we weren't feeding her right! And of course they don't see that either. They said they think I am a great mom/step-mom. Their actions really say differently.
What would you think if BM and skid did this? DSD definitely had a hand in it, even if she denies it completely. Am I totally off the wall for being upset about this?