Please don't judge

[nina.light]

I just married the man of my dreams in June. We have been together for four years and lived together along with his two daughters for the last three. He is wonderful amazing and supportive. But I am with his daughters 90% of the time because their mom is in rehab. And when she gets out they will still only have visits every other weekend. I care and love my sd they are 8 and 5 and very well behaved. But I don't have any children of my own nor do I plan to and I don't think I have the patience I should all the time. Somedays like today I cant even stand looking at them anything they say gets on my nerves and I just wish it was me and my husband. They dont even have to provoke these emotions from me. I feel really bad about the feelings I get but it's like I can't control them. I feel like I didn't give birth to them why do I have to take care of them all the time. Why do I have to clean up after them and be all smiley and stuff around them and care about when they are sad and need things a mom is supposed to be for them. Just their voices make me want to scream. Please don't judge I am using this as a safe place to vent. I try really hard to keep it together when I feel this way but it is hard I just want to yell at them to go away and stay in their room and leave me alone. It's like they know when I'm feeling this way and they push every button I have. Sometimes I wish they would go live with their mom, but I know long term that is not good for them because even when I feel this way at least I still function and take care of them. She on the other hand has never had a job in her life keeps having babies by other men and this is her third time in rehab since I've known them. Why do I have to be the good one just because I happen to fall in love with a great guy. The girls mom and I actually have a good relationship and work well together with all the arrangements of the girls. Like I said I'm venting but it would be nice to know if there is anyone else out there that feels this way sometimes for no apparent reason. Thank you for the support.

[ManicAttack]

I know how you feel.  Some days, I really struggle with the same things.  I am not a biomom, have never felt the urge to be one, but I have to act like "the good mother" because BM is not.  Except, BM in our sitch IS around; she's just selfish and creates so much drama and disaster it's ridiculous and SS sees her as a Goddess.  I'm a bad guy because I actually set rules and standards (along with my SO) and do not bend and break for SS when he is acting horribly.  Unlike BM.  

You need to talk with your husband about your feelings.  I understand that he is not home a lot, but he needs to take responsibility for his child, and respect your feelings.  If you need a break, away from your SD's, he needs to line up a babysitter or daycare to take them when you want time to yourself.  I'm lucky in this aspect, because SS goes to daycare during the day so I have time to myself, even if I'm at home.  I turned away childcare responsibilities because I knew I would NOT be able to handle it.  

For your's and your SD's sake, talk to your husband.  If he loves you, he will respect and understand you!

[ShannaBee]

Being a parent can be stressful but being a step parent can be downright hard. See if the girls can go to a relatives for some time so you can have some personal time to relax.