My three step-kids all call me "Mom" or "Mommy," which I love and their bio-mother is OK with. (Don't even get me started, because I would freak the hell out if my kids called another woman Mom, but whatever... not what this post is about.) I love these kids like my own and they can call me whatever they want.
Anyhoo...
In conversations with other people, I hate referring to them as my step-kids, but it's confusing to just say mine when all of our kids' ages (I have two) overlap.
Does anyone else have creative alternative names to replace "step" when referring to your blended family?
Quoting Vicky1975:They are your kids. It doesn´t matter if someone else gave birth to them. The worst thing you can do is make a distinction between biological kids and stepkids. If people ask, explain the situation to them. If you are raising your stepkids 50% of the time or more, then they are your kids. You do what a mom does, so that´s what you are. If you adopt a child, then that child is your child and not someone elses child. It drives me crazy when people (who usually have never been a stepparent) say, "Oh, he/she is not really yours." What does a person have to do, so the child is "yours" - give birth, adopt, raise a child? Is it enough to give birth and then disappear? Is it not enough to raise a child for many years, but not give birth? Adoption might change things legally, but not in the minds of many people who believe giving birth is all that counts. It´s much easier to give birth to a child than to raise a child. Stepmoms might be "legal strangers", but if we are the ones raising the child we are more of a "mom" than BM might ever be.
But what if you aren't? My DD's SM was 50/50 at one time ... well, BF was! Why should I share my "name" with her?
Quoting YourCrazyMom:There is nothing wrong with the term. It just upsets our younger children to be referred to as "his, not mine."
Quoting Ms.Gwen:
What's wrong with 'step'?
Quoting Vicky1975:They are your kids. It doesn´t matter if someone else gave birth to them. The worst thing you can do is make a distinction between biological kids and stepkids.
I can think of a whole lot of things that are much worse than that. Such as, treating your stepkids like crap, or saying derrogatory things about their other parent. or to pretend the other parent doesn't exist... to re-invent the child's history and to deny the child's past, and his connection to his other parent.
Often is is actually healthier to make the distinction between biological kids and stepkids. The healthiest thing is to support and encourage the child's connection to his other parent, while providing a safe and nurturing environment for him when he is in your home. To pretend that the child is not a stepchild but actually a biological child is to deny the child's reality. For little kids this is confusing, whereas for older kids, it will probably drive them away.
Quoting hotmommytutu:What's wrong with bonus kids?
Quoting WifeyC:
Call them your husband's kids. Please don't call them bonus kids.
I can only comment on "bonus parents" ... somehow I always feel like it glamourizes divorce ... "Oh, poor Johnny, you don't have a bonus mom? Well, maybe your parents just don't love you enough, which is why refuse to get divorced".
I agree. I wouldn't use the phrase "not mine." They are mine.. *my* stepchildren.
"ours" is good too.
Quoting Ms.Gwen:
Than say "ours" and if clarification is requested say "my step-son". Easy peasy!
Quoting YourCrazyMom:There is nothing wrong with the term. It just upsets our younger children to be referred to as "his, not mine."
Quoting Ms.Gwen:
What's wrong with 'step'?
Quoting Pero1:
Quoting hotmommytutu:What's wrong with bonus kids?
Quoting WifeyC:
Call them your husband's kids. Please don't call them bonus kids.
I can only comment on "bonus parents" ... somehow I always feel like it glamourizes divorce ... "Oh, poor Johnny, you don't have a bonus mom? Well, maybe your parents just don't love you enough, which is why refuse to get divorced".
I feel the same way about the term "bonus parents." I don't think kids really see the extra "parents" as a bonus.
but I do feel like my stepkids are a bonus, to me. I like having extra kids in my house. So the fact that my DH came with pre-made kids was a bonus to me. But I am not necessarily a bonus to them.
Quoting GlockMom:
What's wrong with saying they are your stepkids? That is what they are. I hate bonus kids or any other cutesy crap name.
I've never been a fan of bonus anything..,. "sorry kids, you're parents are divorcing, but you still win this brand, new, shiny bonus parent!! Doesn't that make things all better?"
2 year old actuaully called me a b***h
Moms and Rules
- YourCrazyMom
on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:59 PM