Being the bigger person..

[laughnchica]

...is something I really need help with. How do you ladies do it? When the BM consistently lies, does things for her own good rather than her child, shit talks to the child about father and you, is there for the kid only when it's convienient, treats dad like shit but expects "proper" treatment when it comes to her?

How do you BE the bigger person and not let it piss you off??

[leegirl_jm]

I just know that all that is not my problem, that is all her crap.

[tiredmama42]

Its hard but it does pay off in the long run.  When the kids get to a better age to understand they will respect you more.   The day they let you know they realize it... you will be thankful you were the better person.  My DD was 16 wrote me a mothers day card stating all that.  Made me glad I never put her father and sm down because all the nasty things they said came back at them.    Loose lips sink ships... its true.  Sometimes I needed duct tape though..lol

[ShannaBee]

I struggle with it all the time. Some days I succeed, some days I fail miserably.

[newstepmom61811]

Truthfully, I think about my epitaph some day and how those close to me will remember how I treated them and spent my time...it sounds morbid, it's a side effect of my job but I choose to live like I am dying, truly, life is too short for petty BS. I focus on who and what is living and breathing and important to me, right in front of me. BM can only "reach" in your home in that's subversive ways if you let her. When she calls to scream about something she doesn't like, it goes to voicemail, all you and DH really need to have contact with her about 1. Schedule, 2. Kid emergencies (real ones ie: kid is in ER, arrested, etc.). So she tells the kids crap, that they can't call you mom, ok, in fact you're not mom, just superstar stepmommy, own it and he issue goes away. My kids call me stepmom, I embrace it, many others get how hard it is, it's a complement to my hard work to own the title and that the kids love me. Also, why do you care about her approval or kind words or actions? Likely if you met under any other circumstances you would still not naturally be friends so why worry what she thinks or says now, there are plenty of people whose opinion you don't care abou in the world, put hers down there with them. Be selfish, instea of sweating her and what petty things she is or isn't doing, focus on what you DO have, DH, a family, a life, and proceed to live it, any time spent thinking about her is robbing you of your joy. DH is hoping he upgraded with you in theis relationship from whatever he had with BM, live your life with him and be that upgrade...

[saywhat2102]

Sex!!! It works trust me! Next time you get pissed jump your husband! Cause chances are if your pissed your husband is pissed too.

[jlg12678]

I do it because I will NEVER lower myself to bm's standards of behavior and lack of general respect. I refuse to ever be like her.


I am proud of the fact that "my" side
of our blended family is harmonious
and peaceful. I think it says alot about the adults involved.

Bm's side? Not so much.