so yesterday dh and i got into a bit of a tiff bc HIS dd16 is slacking on her chores, not respecting our stuff, spending money that isn't hers, and being completely disrespectful verbally to both of us....BC i am at home, he is telling me that i am too lenient, in having her do her chores....and that i need to rope her in....
He feels that I should be all on her, following her to make sure she does what she's suppose to do, and how...I am of the mind set that I will ask her once to do something, remind her once, and if it gets to a 3rd time, then expect for me to be a bit upset and pissed...also, she is nearly 17yrs old, I should not have to go behind her and make sure she (as I say in our house...) wipe her ass.....He says she needs someone on top of her at all times, bc "she is a child"...I say no she isn't a child, she's a young adult, and she needs to accept some responsibiltiy and make sure her shit is done before she goes anyplace, or does anything....and if it's not done, then she has the consequences to deal with..
so this am, he stuffles out of the bedroom to get a cup of coffee before work, and I say, "im going to go wake the kid up...she didn't do the dishes last night"...he tells me, let her sleep, she can do them tonight...WTF.. dishes are one of her chores, and she didn't do them, but yesterday you chewed my ass out bc she isn't doing her chores? SERIOUSLY????....
im done, im washing my hands of the entire disiplaining of the sd...it doesn't matter if its school grades (which she has a very impressive 1.24GPA, and will be a junior this fall), or her lack of motivation to get her drivers permit, or a job...im done...
Dh is still looking at his child as if she is 6 years old and the behavior that was "cute" then is NOT cute at 16. You are right.. almost 17 is a young adult and he needs to be aware of what she's not doing. So, you need to disengage. Advise DH when SD has been told to do something...then let him handle the follow-up. She won't do the chore and he won't follow up. That's ok. When she doesn't to the dishes just put them all in a garbage bag and put them in DH's closet. When he complains (he will) tell him that you are NOT the maid and the dishes were the responsibility of SD and it is HIS responsibility to follow behind his daughter to teach her responsibility and accountability. That is part of the parenting. Most dad's don't want to deal with kid issues so they will make excuses, avoid confrontation or expect the SM to be a doormat. When they have to deal with it that's when the "man-up". If you continue to make it easy on him and her your life will get stressful. Oh, BTW, this is a game the 16 yr old is playing...the only wayh to "win" is for you not to play...make the dad play the game... Good luck
Well my SS chores are simple, he takes recylcing and trash out, empties and loads dishwasher, clean own room and keep bed made, and feed the animals. Also the typical clean up his snack mess and sometimes dinner table. Not bad. But you have to go behind him every time BC he will forget tedious but.important things like trashbags on ground outside. But he is ten.
Last school year I helped him bring his grades up from C's to A's and B's!! Alot had to do with him redoing problems he got wrong. I'm proud of him. BTW 1.24 is good in your area? That's not good here. I did know if you were sarcastic but if here 3.0 gets you honour roll and 4.0 is excellent. Everywhere grades different though.
Quoting MyBigFam6:
BTW 1.24 is good in your area? That's not good here. I did know if you were sarcastic but if here 3.0 gets you honour roll and 4.0 is excellent. Everywhere grades different though.
our school systems GPA is out of a 4.0..so she can't/wont/refuses to even do a C average....
yes and men in general don't want to be the bad guy, they do pawn it off onto the woman in the house....When I moved in, we discussed the teenager...i would deal with school, and the way she dresses (she is very developed...a full C cup and a booty...before i moved in she would wear baby t's, and shorts so small that if she bent over, you could see her vag!!...so now, when we shop the shorts have to pass the finger tip test (standing with arms down, the shorts have to be at or below her fingertips) and she can not leave the house in things that have her boobs popping out or over in....the school thing, I've tried everything...and she just doesn't care about school, whatsoever...she is more interested in what Suzie Chapass is doing with Johny Nutsack than doing her school work....i mean honestly, having and maintaining a C average is not hard...at all.....last year first 9 wks, she had B's and C's with one A...so i know she can do it...she's just lazy.....
During our tiff yesterday, he did say if there's no follow up, then why do i have you here, why are we still here, we could just leave and move like we want"...and your just like Lisa(his first wife who passed), she would let her do whatever without any consequences......ARE YOU FUCKIG SERIOUS?, hmmmm your first wife and you would not have a untied front, WE have a united front....I back you on what you say/do with the kid, and you should to..
Now i know, dh didn't mean the "why are you here comment at all,and he later came to me and apologized and told me he didn't mean what he said, but meant to say, she needs guidence still and alot of it...and i say no she doesn't, she's nearly an adult, and you coddle her and treat her like a child, which she is not....you want to be her friend, and that is not your job, you are her parent i am her parent...I have 2 grown girls, i was never their friends while under my roof...if we became friendly after they have moved out, fine, if not fine...i am not your friend, i will always be your parent.....
If you have to be the bad Guy be creative with it. I have tried star charts i have tried trips to store i have found every trick works for something different. I have a few ideas that might be incentive for her. Idk what you have tried but she's a teenage girl. Shell continue this behavior if someone doesn't stand up and stop her. Whether its you or dad. Yes dad should but its not always like that. Like in my house my dh wouldn't have realized that his son wasn't showering properly (literally 2mjns in wet out) and he wasn't brushing his teeth.
So what I did was we were in Walmart one day, I looked at my SS saw his teeth, unbrushed in days they were like pink it was gross. I said CJ whens the last time you brushed your teeth. He got embarrassed and said idk. His dad looked at him and said boy when you get home your brushing your teeth that's nasty. Ended up a little lecture but my dear SS brushed his teeth for a week with out being asked. And bragged about it. I have to randomly do that to keep it going. Even with his showers ill call him out infront of his uncle (he's 12 and CJ idolise him). But grades I have to sit down with him and learn with him and make him fix mistakes on school work. That made school better for him.
For a 16 yo girl though its either make her get a Job. And pay for her phone, and tell her she can only work if she has good grades or she will gets stuck with one of those toodler cell phones that calls home and 911. You can even take a college course and tell her you want to do school work together. (I'm in college, in my house last school year me my SS and sil would all sit down right after school and do homework, then they did whatever till dinner was done, projects were after dinner but I helped only with critics advice supplies) She's missing something or feels like she is so she's filling the void with friends and her social life. Doesn't necessarily mean you dh or Bm neglected her but somewhere there's.a void a need for attention. If you where able to get her to wear decent clothes you can get her grades up. You have to figure out something. Ask your own daughters maybe they have some insight they will know best. My sil feels left out. And truth is that she is. But once we made her feel like we cared and we weren't putting up with shit she got the picture and started getting better. When her dad got her back its all went down the drain.
Quoting nsparky1964:
Quoting MyBigFam6:
BTW 1.24 is good in your area? That's not good here. I did know if you were sarcastic but if here 3.0 gets you honour roll and 4.0 is excellent. Everywhere grades different though.our school systems GPA is out of a 4.0..so she can't/wont/refuses to even do a C average....
yes and men in general don't want to be the bad guy, they do pawn it off onto the woman in the house....When I moved in, we discussed the teenager... .....
I'm going to have a shirt made...
- nsparky1964
on Jul. 23, 2012 at 8:23 AM