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would you pay his child support? update

If dh lost his job would you pay his child support? Mine just did and he happens to pay out the same amount I'm getting for my daughter so he suggested giving it to his ex. I don't feel I should do that. It is my daughters support money and I don't feel I should pay it out of my checks either. What would you do?

Update:
Just to clarify no my job isn't enough to pay our bills plus that. And as some of you have said my daughter needs things too. He already got mad at me when I told him I can't buy their school clothes and supplies
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 5:02 PM
Replies (91-99):
evilangel198431
by Member on Jul. 29, 2012 at 8:41 PM
I buy stuff for them for our house. I do without things so they have what they need at our house. However I don't feel I should have to pay for stuff at her house. He had a job last year and bought their supplies and clothes which she later told me she took all of it back for money. I don't have to do that for her


Quoting MyBigFam6:

I respect that I truely do. But I was looking at it as OK someone has to do it there has to be some middle ground. If you feel you shouldn't don't. I wouldnt. Hell my SS is 10. He has a Bm and her family (though she's not around much BC of drugs), he also has his dads ex and her family (she's around when she want.but.that's BC loves her.and.she was in.his life for several years) who all brag about living him and caring for.him. but when he needs stuff and is sick guess who is the one taking.care of him. Guess who is taking him school shopping? Me on my and dhs money. Mind you my.dh is there for him to don't get that wrong. Its a bunch.of.BS though when a Bm or any parents says they can't afford something. Bring down your taste and get stuff short your self for your kids. I go with out things when money is tight for my kids. They come first. And I say my kids my two biological and my.SS. no one else will do things for em its.me and dh.



BTW don't get me wrong your not wrong for just getting.your daughter her stuff and making the parents sort it out for their son, what would they do if you didn't get an extra income? Just if you do.have it think.of the kid. I'm sure you will. I do wish you luck and hope people figure their stuff out.



One other thing. You dh needs to find a new way to pay his cs. Yes it is part of your bills as a unit but same thing its a bill he has from his past and he would have to find a way to dare for.his child either way. I wish.him luck.




Quoting evilangel198431:

the thing is i don't feel that her money should go to them at all. she needs supplies and clothes for school and i can't afford to do that if i spend some of her money on them.



Quoting MyBigFam6:

I don't know.what exactly your looking to.hear but.use your child's support to pay for school stuff. Even if you buy his child some.hold reciepts and give them to the childs mom. Tell her BC we can't pay support we are still.trying to.cover his expenses. That's my suggestion. Don't give it to her.





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newwife1
by Silver Member on Jul. 29, 2012 at 9:32 PM

Absolutely not.

Not my problem or obligation to pay for someone else's kid.


MyBigFam6
by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 10:37 PM
I hope you weren't taking offense to what I said that was never my intention.


Quoting evilangel198431:

I buy stuff for them for our house. I do without things so they have what they need at our house. However I don't feel I should have to pay for stuff at her house. He had a job last year and bought their supplies and clothes which she later told me she took all of it back for money. I don't have to do that for her




Quoting MyBigFam6:

I respect that I truely do. But I was looking at it as OK someone has to do it there has to be some middle ground. If you feel you shouldn't don't. I wouldnt. Hell my SS is 10. He has a Bm and her family (though she's not around much BC of drugs), he also has his dads ex and her family (she's around when she want.but.that's BC loves her.and.she was in.his life for several years) who all brag about living him and caring for.him. but when he needs stuff and is sick guess who is the one taking.care of him. Guess who is taking him school shopping? Me on my and dhs money. Mind you my.dh is there for him to don't get that wrong. Its a bunch.of.BS though when a Bm or any parents says they can't afford something. Bring down your taste and get stuff short your self for your kids. I go with out things when money is tight for my kids. They come first. And I say my kids my two biological and my.SS. no one else will do things for em its.me and dh.





BTW don't get me wrong your not wrong for just getting.your daughter her stuff and making the parents sort it out for their son, what would they do if you didn't get an extra income? Just if you do.have it think.of the kid. I'm sure you will. I do wish you luck and hope people figure their stuff out.





One other thing. You dh needs to find a new way to pay his cs. Yes it is part of your bills as a unit but same thing its a bill he has from his past and he would have to find a way to dare for.his child either way. I wish.him luck.






Quoting evilangel198431:

the thing is i don't feel that her money should go to them at all. she needs supplies and clothes for school and i can't afford to do that if i spend some of her money on them.




Quoting MyBigFam6:

I don't know.what exactly your looking to.hear but.use your child's support to pay for school stuff. Even if you buy his child some.hold reciepts and give them to the childs mom. Tell her BC we can't pay support we are still.trying to.cover his expenses. That's my suggestion. Don't give it to her.







Posted on CafeMom Mobile
evilangel198431
by Member on Jul. 29, 2012 at 11:55 PM

no im not im just clarifying things. i get what a lot of people are saying but it just doesn't feel fair. doesn't really matter because there is just no way i can afford to do it. he knows that but was saying that we should do it anyway because he doesn't want to get behind. well im sorry but i won't get kicked out of our house, do without water, electricity, etc because he lost his job and thinks i should have to take care of his responsibilities. i feel he should file the modification or work it out with her. i shouldn't have to take care of a situation the two of them created together

Quoting MyBigFam6:

I hope you weren't taking offense to what I said that was never my intention.


Quoting evilangel198431:

I buy stuff for them for our house. I do without things so they have what they need at our house. However I don't feel I should have to pay for stuff at her house. He had a job last year and bought their supplies and clothes which she later told me she took all of it back for money. I don't have to do that for her




Quoting MyBigFam6:

I respect that I truely do. But I was looking at it as OK someone has to do it there has to be some middle ground. If you feel you shouldn't don't. I wouldnt. Hell my SS is 10. He has a Bm and her family (though she's not around much BC of drugs), he also has his dads ex and her family (she's around when she want.but.that's BC loves her.and.she was in.his life for several years) who all brag about living him and caring for.him. but when he needs stuff and is sick guess who is the one taking.care of him. Guess who is taking him school shopping? Me on my and dhs money. Mind you my.dh is there for him to don't get that wrong. Its a bunch.of.BS though when a Bm or any parents says they can't afford something. Bring down your taste and get stuff short your self for your kids. I go with out things when money is tight for my kids. They come first. And I say my kids my two biological and my.SS. no one else will do things for em its.me and dh.





BTW don't get me wrong your not wrong for just getting.your daughter her stuff and making the parents sort it out for their son, what would they do if you didn't get an extra income? Just if you do.have it think.of the kid. I'm sure you will. I do wish you luck and hope people figure their stuff out.





One other thing. You dh needs to find a new way to pay his cs. Yes it is part of your bills as a unit but same thing its a bill he has from his past and he would have to find a way to dare for.his child either way. I wish.him luck.






Quoting evilangel198431:

the thing is i don't feel that her money should go to them at all. she needs supplies and clothes for school and i can't afford to do that if i spend some of her money on them.




Quoting MyBigFam6:

I don't know.what exactly your looking to.hear but.use your child's support to pay for school stuff. Even if you buy his child some.hold reciepts and give them to the childs mom. Tell her BC we can't pay support we are still.trying to.cover his expenses. That's my suggestion. Don't give it to her.



 





LoriDeen
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 8:26 AM
1 mom liked this

Stick to your guns. His kids are HIS responsibility, NOT yours!!  No way would I take from my own child because my DH didn't have a job. That need to pay for his child will be a powerful motivator to get another job. I don't care if it's temporarily working at McDonalds, he can be doing something until he finds a job that fits his needs better.

Bertieb
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 8:58 AM

In the beginning of this post I thought you should help him out to keep from building up a bigger hole of debt, and because it is an expense for your household like any other. However, given that you are going to be struggling to cover bills and provide for your own daughter then no, I wouldn't help. He needs to grow up and keep his mouth shut at work and do his job. He should apologize for what happened and try to get his job back.  If it's too late then he better man up and find something. I used to have a fellow walk our neighborhood asking for odd jobs to help pay his child support each month. He painted the shutters on my house one month, a win-win for both of us.

I'd also hide some of my child support money, even if it's just $20 a month and have some emergency back up, because it sounds like you are going to be taking care of the finances in your household permanently. I've been there done that with a past husband. I really hope things work out for you!

evilangel198431
by Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 12:57 PM
Thanks and yeah I'm already setting money aside when I can but he doesn't know about it


Quoting Bertieb:

In the beginning of this post I thought you should help him out to keep from building up a bigger hole of debt, and because it is an expense for your household like any other. However, given that you are going to be struggling to cover bills and provide for your own daughter then no, I wouldn't help. He needs to grow up and keep his mouth shut at work and do his job. He should apologize for what happened and try to get his job back.  If it's too late then he better man up and find something. I used to have a fellow walk our neighborhood asking for odd jobs to help pay his child support each month. He painted the shutters on my house one month, a win-win for both of us.

I'd also hide some of my child support money, even if it's just $20 a month and have some emergency back up, because it sounds like you are going to be taking care of the finances in your household permanently. I've been there done that with a past husband. I really hope things work out for you!


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MomofJJT
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 1:58 PM

If your childs father loses his job is his ex going to give her childsupport money to you? If yes, then you should & if no, then...hahaha! He needs to get into court & file for a modification of child support!

evilangel198431
by Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 6:22 PM
No I don't think she would


Quoting MomofJJT:

If your childs father loses his job is his ex going to give her childsupport money to you? If yes, then you should & if no, then...hahaha! He needs to get into court & file for a modification of child support!


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