Hey ladies, I have a issue. My dh wants me and the kids (we have 1 together and he has 2 and I have 1 for a total of 4) to go to Ny to see his mom. I do not mind going but it seems everytime we go we end up not doing anything and just "chillin".
The only reason why I even considered is because his mom wants are 3month old baby to get baptised down there. This "trip" will supposedly take place labor day weekend. He wants to go to the club and the labor day parade and not take the children and pawn them off on his mom. His mom owns a restaurant in Ny so I dont think that she is going to have anytime at all besides that Sunday to even hang with us
Everytime I go we always have a bad experience. The first time was for his moms wedding (we were engaged at that time) and he left me with my daughter and his son in front of the church talking to people, then that night left me and the kids at his moms so he can hang with his old friends. His excuse was that he did not want me around them because they were wild. DH ass almost got left for real. Second time was our anniversary, please tell me why I was weened into basically working and cooking in his moms restaurant. Then he decided to go get his son so we had him for the whole time we were there!
The only thing we did was go to fuckin dave n busters and a movie (which we had to wait til SS went to sleep before we left) and run errands for his mom and his sister. My thing is if I have time off or a vacation I want it worth while. Im not going to go all that way just to "chill". I can do that at my own home w/o paying any expenses. I am the type of person that if we go out of town I wanna know where we gonna go in sunshine, rain, sleet, or snow.
It's way tooooo much to do in Ny to do just to be sittin around in a restaurant or at MIL house. Funny thing is is that DH use to live in Ny for 3yrs+. So how come DH acts like he doesnt know the hot spots to go? I dunno I'm not going..I dont think.
How far a trip is this for you?. Because it sounds as if DH is looking to have a "boy's night out" under the pretense of visiting his mom. Sit down with him and explain your concerns about going this time because of what happened last time. Come up with a game plan that allows him to have some time to visit his old buddies (but set a time limit) as well as family visit time AND family activity for you him and the kids. Tell him you don't want to take vacation time and not have a vacation. This way you have laid your expectations on the table. This is an agreement between the 2 of you - you will go IF he agrees to not repeat the behavior from last time. Now, if he pulls any more stunts this visit like he did last visit...well then it's time to take him to school. You take your 2 kids (not the steps because they are legally his responsibility) and LEAVE and go home. Do not yield on this. When he complains about you leaving, calmly (no yelling allowed) tell him he violated this portion of he agreement and therefore you didn't feel you were obligated to honor your end. Lesson learned. This is not passive aggressive behavior. This is setting up an agreement for acceptable behaviors and if the agreement is broken then consequences are imposed. Be assertive - not aggressive - and maybe he will treat you more respectfully next time. Good luck
I would suggest that he go by himself and have a good time. You might enjoy the alone-time, and he would be able to see his family and friends.
Quoting sassy711:
How far a trip is this for you?. Because it sounds as if DH is looking to have a "boy's night out" under the pretense of visiting his mom. Sit down with him and explain your concerns about going this time because of what happened last time. Come up with a game plan that allows him to have some time to visit his old buddies (but set a time limit) as well as family visit time AND family activity for you him and the kids. Tell him you don't want to take vacation time and not have a vacation. This way you have laid your expectations on the table. This is an agreement between the 2 of you - you will go IF he agrees to not repeat the behavior from last time. Now, if he pulls any more stunts this visit like he did last visit...well then it's time to take him to school. You take your 2 kids (not the steps because they are legally his responsibility) and LEAVE and go home. Do not yield on this. When he complains about you leaving, calmly (no yelling allowed) tell him he violated this portion of he agreement and therefore you didn't feel you were obligated to honor your end. Lesson learned. This is not passive aggressive behavior. This is setting up an agreement for acceptable behaviors and if the agreement is broken then consequences are imposed. Be assertive - not aggressive - and maybe he will treat you more respectfully next time. Good luck
Thnks. Spoken like a champ. I did talk to him about it and expressed my concerned just last night. I told him I will leave his ass if this sh** takes place again. When he gets down there he just acts a damn nut, like he has no home training. Thats why I do not want to go this time and set myself up.
Chores- how much is too much.
- kpstephens1984
on Jul. 25, 2012 at 9:48 AM