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none of it matters.....

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 Swimsuit fights, clothing battles, PU/DO problems, bags of snacks......

I am here to tell you girls, NONE OF THIS MATTERS IN THE LONG RUN!

The only thing it is doing for your life right now is making you miserable and even possibly harming your health.

Perroquet. Age 43. SS age 21.

by on Jul. 25, 2012 at 10:30 AM
Replies (21-30):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 25, 2012 at 11:22 PM
1 mom liked this
I tell my husband it's so I can feel normal and that my life ISN'T all that bad lol same reason I watch soaps.


Quoting whatIknownow:



Quoting child_of_fire:





Child_of_fire, 26, DSD7. And thanks to all you ladies who make it easier for me to let go of stupid shit and be happy.

Tell your DH.. I need to read these message boards so I don't become like these crazy women... :)


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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 25, 2012 at 11:29 PM
3 moms liked this
You know what helped me 'change' myself from the scorned ex wife?? These boards. Honestly. Reading other people's perspectives. I'm not an SM so I dont see the other side. Hearing how it looks or how it is perceived from the other side, really helped me to change ME which is what I wanted. I wanted to just be a mom and a normal ex wife. I didn't want to be jealous or have fear of losing my daughter to another woman. I think that is what it is in the beginning. I realized right away, I define my relationship with my child. No one else does. I am the only one who can change how my child feels about me. No one can make my child stop loving me but ME. So I stopped worrying about that and started caring about how my child saw me and stopped caring about anyone else and what they said or thought. And the credit for that goes to a lot of stepmom's who have shared thei struggles, their problems, their fears, their points of view. Mom's who shared how they got over the hurt and the anxiety of being newly divorced and having their world's turned upside down. Well and a lot of therapy lol

(normal disclosures apply lol)
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rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2012 at 11:46 PM
1 mom liked this
why does everyone have their age and skids ages at the bottom of the posts? I like it, it gives a little more perspective about where that person may be coming from.

Rose, age 26, SD12, SD11,SS8
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sassy711
by on Jul. 26, 2012 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this

My dad told me a long time ago, pick your battles and let the other sh** go.  He was/is always so blunt!  Being a BM and a SM, trying to blend a family of 5 teenage kids...there's alot of sh**.  You have to figure out what's important and stand for that.  You are a role model for your BK and SK.  Besides...when they're all adults they won't even care about the small stuff.  They will remember the big items.  Or not.  The big items cause enough stress...don't let the small stuff add to it.  Control what you allow into your life and how you react to it.  Much of what happens is game playing.  I don't regret anything I've done as a BM or as a SM (overall).  I try to do the best I can and that's all anyone has the right to expect of me.  If I make a mistake I acknowledge it and move on.  As long as my kids are alive, healthy, well grounded, loving and productive members of society, I figure I've done my job.  As long as my skids are alive, & healthy I figure I've done my job (the other stuff is up to their parents).  Make boundaries, stick to them, but be flexible when needed.  It's all about finding balance here and now, doing the right thing when possible, and knowing that some day none of the petty crap will really matter.  Ladies, sometimes there is too much bashing and trashing on this forum.  We need to be supportive of each other because who else will listen to us vent?   DH will get resentful of your complaining about his kids, family members get tired of hearing about our problems, friends don't really care.  So who is left?  US.  Women have the unique ability to be supportive.  Many of us who have been through this SM stuff need to mentor the younger/newer SM's because they really need the benefit of our experience.  Please...let's work together...that's the only way we can make a difference.

Susan age 51  DD 22, DD 18, SD 22, SS 20, SD 17

 

perroquet
by on Jul. 26, 2012 at 10:03 AM

 

Quoting sassy711:

My dad told me a long time ago, pick your battles and let the other sh** go.  He was/is always so blunt!  Being a BM and a SM, trying to blend a family of 5 teenage kids...there's alot of sh**.  You have to figure out what's important and stand for that.  You are a role model for your BK and SK.  Besides...when they're all adults they won't even care about the small stuff.  They will remember the big items.  Or not.  The big items cause enough stress...don't let the small stuff add to it.  Control what you allow into your life and how you react to it.  Much of what happens is game playing.  I don't regret anything I've done as a BM or as a SM (overall).  I try to do the best I can and that's all anyone has the right to expect of me.  If I make a mistake I acknowledge it and move on.  As long as my kids are alive, healthy, well grounded, loving and productive members of society, I figure I've done my job.  As long as my skids are alive, & healthy I figure I've done my job (the other stuff is up to their parents).  Make boundaries, stick to them, but be flexible when needed.  It's all about finding balance here and now, doing the right thing when possible, and knowing that some day none of the petty crap will really matter.  Ladies, sometimes there is too much bashing and trashing on this forum.  We need to be supportive of each other because who else will listen to us vent?   DH will get resentful of your complaining about his kids, family members get tired of hearing about our problems, friends don't really care.  So who is left?  US.  Women have the unique ability to be supportive.  Many of us who have been through this SM stuff need to mentor the younger/newer SM's because they really need the benefit of our experience.  Please...let's work together...that's the only way we can make a difference.

Susan age 51  DD 22, DD 18, SD 22, SS 20, SD 17

 

 You would think they would right? Not in this group anyway. There's about 5 younger/newer SM's who will gladly accept advice. The rest of them are 100% positive they are doing it right and actually REPEL good advice. Oh well....more grey hairs and risk of divorce !

perroquet
by on Jul. 26, 2012 at 10:05 AM

 I'm noticing something...the only women responding so far are the older moms. hmmmmmm.......just more advice the young/new ones dont want to hear.

Mommyof5247
by on Jul. 26, 2012 at 2:09 PM
I agree with needing to support as positively as possible.
The bashing & trashing (between others) is what made me stop checking in to CM.
I love reading opinions & advice but not when I have to wade through the bashing & some of sarcasm (I use/love sarcasm as much as the next person).

BM & custodial SM, 34. DS17, DD14, SD6, SS4, DD 18mos. & baby due 2013.
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hershey6
by Bronze Member on Jul. 26, 2012 at 2:18 PM

Yes! That is what I do too! And whenever I get my panties in a twist because SS or SD or BM or whoever else is frustrating, I can look at all these other postings and know 1) I don't have it half bad, and 2) compared to some people, I really have my shit together!

Quoting whatIknownow:


Quoting child_of_fire:



Child_of_fire, 26, DSD7. And thanks to all you ladies who make it easier for me to let go of stupid shit and be happy.

Tell your DH.. I need to read these message boards so I don't become like these crazy women... :)


~loving a child is a circular business... the more you give, the more you get... the more you get, the more you give...~
hershey6
by Bronze Member on Jul. 26, 2012 at 2:20 PM

I agree with this post so very much! And I am practicly a baby!

Hershey6. Age 24. SS15, SS11, SD9, SS3 (in 2 days!).

Quoting perroquet:

 I'm noticing something...the only women responding so far are the older moms. hmmmmmm.......just more advice the young/new ones dont want to hear.


~loving a child is a circular business... the more you give, the more you get... the more you get, the more you give...~
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jul. 26, 2012 at 2:35 PM

I saw a goose in the middle lane of the 101 freeway a couple days ago. ON. THE. FREEWAY! WALKING!!!!  Not across the freeway, DOWN the freeway.

Now HE/SHE had a problem!

Sandeeyo 49, DS 21, SD 1-11, SD 2-11.

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