I love my DH and because I love him I love my SS. Well we have been through the fire and back with his PABM(punk ass baby moma) sorry for the language but she makes my nuts hurt and I don't even have them. Anyway we I got with my DH he wasn't on court ordered child support but whenever they called he would get what they(PABM and Grandma) needed when he called and when they got mad it would be "I'm taking you down for child support and taking everything you got" so once we got together and they said that to him causing him to stress I made him go down and get court ordered child support which made PABM mad b/c now she didn't have anything to upset him. Then she decided that "she don't know me and doesn't want my kids to be a bad influence on her son" so my SS couldn't come over to see his dad he had to sit in her house to see his son and he would come home smelling like old chicken grease and cigarettes. So I said that's not gonna fly she doesn't have the right to dictate when you see your son go file for visitation. So...we went to the court house and filed all the paper work that was need to get our set visitation days. Everything was going well until my SS decided he wasn't gonna speak or acknowledge me when I speak to him which doesn't fly with me I am and old school mother and I feel like if an adult speaks to you, you need to speak back period. So my DH called and asked her way she is teaching him not to speak to me she said "when people are mean to him he doesn't speak and sometimes he just doesn't speak"...I was over it by then but I let me husband now that I don;'t have to do anything extra for a child that's gonna disrespect me. Well fastforward to Friday my husband had a Court Ordered visitation time with his son only to get told that this 4 year old said "he doesn't want to come because I am mean to him and I put him in timeout". That set me off one thing I cant stand is for someone to lie on me. I told my husband that this is some bullshit and I don't have to deal with it, if he will lie about that what else will he lie about, my DH said I done dealing with them and that his son can call when he wants to see him so I said he needs to call the Visitation people and let them know what happen on Friday and tell them what he decided to do. I don't understand why people act so stupid when the other parent moves on. Get over it get a live and do you!
I agree with PPs that you need to disengage. It worked wonders for me.
Im sure this attitude alone is probably why this 4 year old doesnt like you. What kid wants to be around such a conditional person?
If youre getting in a power struggle with a 4 year old youve already lost the battle.
If you dont like hearing what ladies are say maybe you should get off posting looking for advice.
Wow. My DS who is 3 tells me I am mean all the time. Anytime he doesn't get what he wants. And I guess he lies all the time becuae if i tell him to do something he says he can't, which isn't the truth. Kid is 4. You DO need to get over it, its not about disrespect to you, you are making a big deal of it and taking what a 4 yr old says personally. Guess what you are a grown up, I dont think BM has anything to do with his behavior at this point. I think its yours.
And you may very well be showing hostily towards BM.. You refer to her as punk ass baby mama. Really? You sound pretty hostile towards her. II also feel bad for your SS because if dad isn't going to push visits because his 4 yr hurt YOUR feelings, SS will never get to have a relationship with dad
Quoting drakemom1:
Why in the world do you have to walk on egg shells for a four year old?
I think you expecting way too much from a four year old. My kids "lie" to me all the time. I ask my two year old if he shit his pants. His answer is no. Low and behold he has shit in his pants. Oh boy he lied. A kid this age doesn't have the thought process to understand that when he "lies" he is somehow disrespecting you. I'm sure my kids think I'm mean all the time too. That's when you put on elmo and they get over it. If you think this age is bad, just wait until he is fourteen and he hates you then. Then maybe you will know what stepping on egg shells is like.
Quoting MrsClowers859:I know right! And I've been nothing but kind to him and stepping on egg shells in my house b/c of him. I'm over it
Quoting perroquet:
Seems like the 4 year old doesnt like you.
Stop blaming the kid. You don't know what he really said, you don't know if he was coached, you don't know what he's been encouraged to say, and you don't know if BM is lying. It's not his fault, and you never blame a child.
The court ordered visits are just that. She can't decide not to send him. If she does, file for contempt.
Set rules in your home and tell your SS that he will answer and be respectful when spoken to. But at the same time, understand that children in divorces are constantly expected to betray one parent for the other. Focus his visitation time on building a relationship with him and not on what goes on in his other home. Don't expect him to take sides.
If BP doesn't have the money to see the kid.
Do You Think 50/50 Custody Is Good For the Kids?
- MrsClowers859
on Jul. 29, 2012 at 9:39 AM