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Why does this make me crazy? BM being in my home.

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:48 AM
  • 26 Replies

My DH and his ex wife are finally on better terms and can talk about the kids without fighting.  For the last few weeks they have been meeting weekly for about 15 minutes to talk about the kids (sd 4, and ss 3).  They have been doing this at our house typically while I'm off to pick up my BD.  I thought this would be okay...I was wrong. 

This last week when BD and I arrived home they were still meeting.  I pulled into the garage and BM was coming out the door to the garage because SD wanted to greet us.  Which she can do by herself but anyway.  I said hello as did my BD and then BM went back in the house and closed the door.  When we came in the house BM was still talking with DH and chatting it up about some event she went to the other night without the kids.  Then she leaves and instead of going out the door she came in, she went out the back door, thru the back yard like she owns the place.  I'm not sure why she went that way...very strange.

I know none of this is horrible, but each time I come home when they are meeting I feel like an outsider in my own home.  We barely get greeted by my DH or the skids since they are all talking...he does say hello, but it's not like normal.  She demands a lot of attention when she is around, it's just her personality and I am not that way so it's tough to come into my own home and be hijacked by the ex wife. 

I'm sure I'm being crazy, but it's really bothering me.  Any help, suggestions or guidance would be great.  I'm tired of feeling frustrated everytime they drop off and meet. 

And is it bad if I don't want her in my home?  Maybe that is what is bothering me so much.

by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:52 AM

Talk to him and tell him it makes you uncomfortable and ask that if it must happen to keep her outside.

Why do they do that every week?  Does one of the kids have issues that need to be discussed that much?

mom2cheesebug
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:53 AM
It doesnt make u crazy, bm is not allowed in my home. They text or meet at the park to discuss the kids, or he can go to her house if its gonna take too long, but she does not come into my house, at all.
rose0919
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:55 AM
1 mom liked this

it is normal not to want bm in your home, especially if there is a bad history. she is invading your life  and personal space. ask dh if they can meet someplace else.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:57 AM
5 moms liked this

If I came home and she was still there, I'd treat her like any other visitor. I'd greet her, and sit down next to her and join the conversation.

ROBIN-C
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 12:04 PM

 thats a tough one, in the sense that you want to encourage a good relationship between DH and BM. its not odd that her being in your house makes you uncomfortabel, but i think that 'coming home' to her in your house is whats most awkward. probably gives you the feeling like you came home too soon and are interupting them... but in YOUR house.

 

Brattzilla
by Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 12:07 PM

 I would not (do not) want the BM in my house, and "I" do not (and have never) stepped foot into my exh & his gf's house (even though now they are separating).  

I find it rude.. NOW if there was a chance that I thought the conditions were horrific, then i'd make arrangements to have a walk thru... but at drop off and pick up.. all conversations can be done "Curb side"

 Signed "The Brat"

family in the van

Bells2000
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 12:13 PM
1 mom liked this
id have issues with her being in your house with dh.

i just dont think any respectful friend/neighbor/whatever thats female should be home alone/without another adult with a married man.

they should talk outside.

and dh should be able to greet you normal.
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saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 12:21 PM
If your uncomfy she's in your house tell your husband. He can do everything outside. I'm not sure how I would be if I ever faced that deal to be honest....however if I didn't like it my husband would fix it! Have you ever brought it up to him?
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ShannaBee
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 12:24 PM
2 moms liked this

Sometimes I liked it better when BM and DH were fighting because when things were good, they were TOO good, if you know what I mean. BM was overly nice and flirtatious and it made both me and DH uncomfortable, so I can understand how you feel. My advice is establish boundaries with her. If you feel like she takes over the house, DH can meet her at the door or car and exchange the kids so she doesn't come in. I think it is great they are being civil, but I do understand the discomfort.

halgreen
by New Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 1:48 PM

Thanks everyone!  My DH is great about it.  We talked about it and he offered to meet her outside so she doesn't have to come in.  I just want to be sure I'm not being irrational if it is something that is best for the kids.  I think it's good for the kids to see all the parents get along. 

That being said...I just don't want her in my home, especially if I'm not there.  She makes DH uncomfortable too so I think we can find a way around this.

Thanks for the help and making me feel 'normal'. 

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